This talk is an example of the ongoing project, initiated by my teacher, Barry Magid, of integrating a Relational Self Psychology approach into Zen practice – in this case – integrating Heinz Kohut’s concept of the “selfobject experience” with Buddhism’s Three Refuges. I will first make a crucial distinction between “dialogue-narrative” and “experience” before introducing what Kohut meant by “selfobject experiences”. The concept of a selfobject was a familiar kind of language in the psychoanalytic world of Kohut’s time, but I have decided to rename selfobject experiences as self-affirming experiences – I think this makes it more user friendly for non-psychoanalysts. The purpose of the talk is to show how we can give an interpretation of taking refuge in Buddha, Dharma and Sangha from a Relational Self Psychology perspective – therefore continuing to highlight how our approach in Ordinary Mind Zen is a psychologically-minded approach.