“This is a story whose chapters were carefully written.”

In their ongoing exploration of the filmography of one Nicolas “Jor-El” Cage, the Distinguished Professors have watched the 2006 remake of The Wicker Man, which has 100% less depth and 1000% fewer boobs (don’t check my math) than the original. Topics covered include the intense dumbness of the conspiracy to trap our hero, the clunkiness of the dialogue, the universal dour evil of women in this movie universe, ACAB (All Cops Are Bumblers), the Safety Dance, misogyny and the awful addition of gender conflict to this movie, the “dark comedy” issue, multiple JJ Abrams references, the necessity for some people to get their stupid asses stung to death by bees, the uncertain origin of elbow patches, the cinematic creepiness of twins, Don Quixote references, the on-the-nose William Blake quote, the insistence on the omnipresence of misanthropy in a work of misogyny, Willow’s unclear motivation, a quick shout-out to Robert Evans and Behind the Bastards regarding Ellen Burstyn’s mistreatment on the set of The Exorcist, the intense pointlessness of watching the PG-13 cut of this movie, the Children of God and “flirty fishing,” and the final middle finger of dedicating this crap to Johnny Ramone.

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Music credits:

"Laser Groove" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com)

Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 4.0 License

http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/