Ever notice how defensiveness shows up even when your intentions are good?
In this episode, Luke Gordon reveals why defensiveness is a biological protection strategy — not a moral failure — and how to shift it into connection.
You’ll learn:
Why your nervous system reacts before you do
How empathy changes the way truth lands
The four-step shift: Pause, Name, Acknowledge, Respond
How to rebuild emotional safety after conflict
💡 “Truth lands differently when empathy comes first.”
Discover tools for healing and communication at ChooseRecoveryServices.com
Chapters
00:00 – “You’re being defensive!” — why it stings
05:45 – Defensiveness as a safety response
14:20 – Intent vs. impact: how empathy reframes hurt
24:10 – Internal, verbal, and relational signals of defensiveness
31:50 – The Four-Step Shift
39:40 – Why connection, not perfection, builds trust
Watch the episode on YouTube HERE
Register Now!
Rise, Renew, Restore Somatic Healing Retreat in Costa Rica: Join us this July for a transformative 5-day intensive created specifically for women healing from betrayal trauma or navigating divorce. This is your opportunity to reconnect with your body's wisdom, release what you've been carrying, and heal alongside other women who truly understand your journey. Spots are limited so register early!
Connect With Us:
Learn more about Luke here.
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Wanting more? Choose Recovery Services offers many courses specifically for men:
Beyond the Facade: Men’s Healing Group - This group helps men move through the pains of addiction, relationship healing, managing emotions, and moving past shame. You’ll learn how to better connect with others, understand your own emotional experience, and build a deeper sense of self respect.
Help. Her. Heal - This program is for men seeking to learn more about empathy, conflict resolution, and healthy communication.
Additional Resources from Choose Recovery Services:
Intensives - Accelerate your healing journey with one of our intensives, available year-round for individuals, couples, and professionals. Our intensives foster connection with others who share similar experiences, creating an immersive environment that enables profound transformation in a short period of time.
Road to Recovery Webinar - Join us on the second Sunday of each month for a FREE interactive discussion that explores tools and strategies to support individuals and couples navigating the challenges of recovery following betrayal.
Choose To Be Podcast - This podcast focuses on helping women heal from infidelity and betrayal trauma.
Healing Hearts - This is for couples seeking healing after betrayal. It emphasizes the development of empathy, integrity, and authentic intimacy.
Choose Healing - Weekly support group for women who have recently experienced betrayal and are needing help coping with the symptoms of trauma.
Learn more and register for courses at chooserecoveryservices.com