Betrayal nearly destroyed us, but we found ways to rebuild the trust and restore our relationship--and we did it without splitting up! Now our marriage is much better than before.
We'll use our 20+ years of researching best practices to give helpful techniques for your own relationship.
***The (S) after the Episode number means it shouldn't trigger women who are hurting from betrayal. Even still, please use your best judgment.
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Betrayal nearly destroyed us, but we found ways to rebuild the trust and restore our relationship--and we did it without splitting up! Now our marriage is much better than before.
We'll use our 20+ years of researching best practices to give helpful techniques for your own relationship.
***The (S) after the Episode number means it shouldn't trigger women who are hurting from betrayal. Even still, please use your best judgment.
Just Different Levels of Enemies (The Mindset That Kept Him Using)
Coffee with The Couple Cure
14 minutes 44 seconds
5 days ago
Just Different Levels of Enemies (The Mindset That Kept Him Using)
After 28 years, I finally understand the mind-pretzel logic that kept my husband stuck in addiction: "Everyone leaves because I'm fundamentally broken, so I might as well use porn. But you're NOT allowed to point out my brokenness, or YOU'RE the bad one."
In this episode, we break down Jay's Plan A, B, and C - and why he never planned for the one where I could agree with him about his flaws without him exploding or expecting me to leave.
The revelation that changed everything for me: Jay didn't see me as his wife. He saw me as just another level of enemy - closer than most, but still someone who would eventually use ammunition against him.
This explains why it was easier for him to let me file for divorce than to let me point out a single flaw. His ego couldn't handle being seen, even by someone who loved him.
For the wives watching: If you've tried the "compliment-concern-commitment" approach perfectly for months and he still attacks you, you're not crazy. He might just like to fight. Try it for six months like I did, then trust what you see.
For the men watching: If you're stuck in "everyone's against me" thinking, this video shows you how to find actually trustworthy people and build real vulnerability instead of keeping everyone at arm's length as potential threats.
Preemptive victimhood doesn't make you the victim. It turns you into the perpetrator.
Episode referenced: "She's the Enemy" (December 15th)
What we cover:
-Why "thank you" wasn't enough (but "this hurts me" was too much)
-The narcissistic response to having flaws pointed out
-How the Three C's approach worked (and when it didn't)
-"Different levels of enemies" - the mindset that blocks real connection
-The college friend Jay screamed at for 2 hours
-How to test if someone is actually trustworthy
-Why strong emotions from your wife mean she loves you, not hates you
Timestamps
00:00 Cold Open: Preemptive Victimhood Made Him the Perpetrator
00:37 The Mind-Pretzel: I'm Broken But You Can't Say It
02:44 Plan A, B, C: He Never Expected Me to Agree
04:43 Easier for Me to Leave Than for His Ego to Break
06:47 I Tried the Three C's Perfectly for Six Months (He Still Attacked)
09:43 Everybody's Different (Learning to Trust Again)
10:47 Just Different Levels of Enemies (No Real Friends)
12:03 How to Find People Who Are Actually Trustworthy
13:54 When Victimhood Turns You Into the Abuser
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To Rebuild Trust - https://thecouplecure.com/contact-me/
To Recover from Betrayal Trauma - https://pornpainhealed.com/contact-me/
Guys to Schedule a Free Call with Jay - https://porniskillingme.com/schedule-a-free-intro-call/
To Say Thanks ("Tip Jar") - https://buy.stripe.com/8wM6pe74F9LsdkA8ww
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Who is This Channel For?
If porn addiction has you stuck--whether you want freedom as an addict, or you want the pain to stop as a betrayed spouse, or you need trust rebuilt in your relationship--this podcast can help. Our marriage was nearly destroyed by Jay’s porn addiction, but we found ways to make life and marriage much better than before. Now, as Trauma-Trained Certified Mentors, we’re using those best practices to help you find the peace, joy and love you’re seeking.
Betrayal nearly destroyed us, but we found ways to rebuild the trust and restore our relationship--and we did it without splitting up! Now our marriage is much better than before.
We'll use our 20+ years of researching best practices to give helpful techniques for your own relationship.
***The (S) after the Episode number means it shouldn't trigger women who are hurting from betrayal. Even still, please use your best judgment.
