Ephesians 4:31-32 “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
The best way to understand forgiveness is that it is an act and a process. When you realize you have been forgiven by God, you can forgive. When you forgive, your heart will begin to heal. When your heart begins to heal, your personal, emotional, or spiritual life will begin to heal. Physical ailments, depression, and/or anxiety will diminish. Now, you are free to go forward in your life.
Quote from Kerney Franston, “When you don’t forgive someone, in some way that person is in jail, and you are the warden. You’re incarcerated, too, because you have to make sure the prisoner stays there.”
Today I want to share 3 more points I would like you to remember about forgiveness.
1. Identify and Acknowledge Your Emotions
Are you hurt from the offense? Are you angry from the offense? Are you grieving the losses as a result from the offense? These are normal responses. Hurt, anger, grief is not sinful. It is when you stay stuck in those emotions, you will be robbed of God’s forgiveness, bitterness and other sins will take root, you will walk in darkness, and your heart becomes hardened.
Give yourself permission to identify and acknowledge all emotions you experienced during and after the time of the offense. If you feel like you need to do that in the safe place, reach out to a trusted friend, mentor, pastor, or professional counselor to walk you through it. The last thing you need to feel is shame or embarrassment for desiring to bring healing in your life.
2. Set Healthy Boundaries
If you are currently in a relationship with the person that has offended you, it is in your best interest to set healthy boundaries so that you are not hurt again. It is also in your best interest to figure out what unsafe and safe relationships look like. If you are with an unsafe person, try your best to minimize your time with that person.
I realize there are some people that are in situations they cannot escape from, or they feel they cannot get out of. Once again, please reach out to a trusted friend, mentor, pastor, or professional counselor to help you in this area of setting healthy boundaries, defining safe and unsafe relationships.
You deserve to live a life that has healthy boundaries. You deserve to live a life that has safe relationships. You can trust God to take care of you.
3. Recognize God’s Involvement
During and after the offense, the unforgiveness, no apology, the bitterness taking root, you can’t see the forest through the trees. Not only I have experienced this, but I see it too often in my office. Sometimes, it is hard to understand God’s hand in being offended and the act and process of forgiveness. Sometimes, it is hard to understand that God can use the offense to spur on personal and spiritual growth. He desires for all of us to depend on Him for His plan and glory. And with his help, forgiveness is attainable.
There are two things to ask God if you are having a hard time recognizing His hand in your life: 1. Ask God to heal your emotional wounds. 2. Ask God to help you love your offender.