Teaching old dogs new tricks. What's funny is that my therapist had told me to mend my relationship with my mother and I genuinely don't see how. That would require me to forgive her and go forward in life with full knowledge that I will have to face that same abuse. I don't understand how that is supposed to be therapeutic. I'm just worried about my nieces and nephews. They are innocent and deserve much better than we were given but that seems difficult with my mom around. I also don't feel like it's my place. I feel like I’m being childish and some deep part of me just want for my mother to see the damage she’s caused and be pained by it so I’m using the Kiplings as an excuse to continue my war on her ignorance. Childish behavior truly until I realize that she’s still verbally and physiologically abusive towards me. Making me feel like I don’t deserve to be heard or seen unless it’s to be of service for her benefit. Trying to make me feel like I’m crazy when all I am is educated. Making others think and look at me like I’m crazy when she realizes she can no longer make me believe I am crazy. All tactics of manipulation that she uses to ensure that I keep in line. That last one is what hurts the most and makes me want to leave. She easily gets all of my siblings to look at me as the crazy one. That never feels good and it just makes me feel like I have no place in this family. All because I refuse to be manipulated. I certainly need to get a new therapist but this is nice too. If only for a brief moment.