This one starts with caffeine panic and ends in Alberta independence. I talk about drinking three to four Monsters a day, ask ChatGPT if I’m going to die, and apparently land on: “probably not, but don’t make it a lifestyle.” Which means I’m still drinking one at 7:40am because they taste amazing and water is for babies.

From there, the rant detours into Toronto vs. Calgary, my high-school nightmare of everyone wearing Liberal socks when Trudeau won, and how I was scared to admit I was conservative. Now I’m in Calgary, I feel at home, and I honestly think Alberta could be like Dubai if it went independent — low taxes, high prosperity, and nobody freaking out about cow farts.

I say what I think: most people can’t afford groceries, rent, gas, or life insurance. And yet we’re being told to worry about the environment. Meanwhile, my side jobs pay for survival, not luxuries. I rant, I laugh, and I get politically spicy. Liberals probably stopped listening on Episode 1. That’s fine. Life’s hard.