This episode is for anyone who's ever hit "submit" on a project and immediately started spiraling about everything they could have done better, or who looks successful on the outside while battling a relentless voice inside that insists they're not good enough.
More info, resources & ways to connect - https://www.tacosfallapart.com/podcast-live-show/podcast-guests/nichole-coyne
Licensed clinical social worker Nichole Coyne joined MommaFoxFire for a refreshingly honest conversation about that nagging voice in your head that tells you you're not good enough. As someone who specializes in high functioning anxiety and owns Higher Ground Wellness, a virtual private practice, Coyne brought both professional expertise and personal transparency to the discussion.
Your inner critic is that constant internal narrative everyone has, formed by our earliest caregivers and experiences. Coyne breaks it down into three distinct voices:
The Monger is the brutal negative self-talk machine. It's the voice screaming "you're going to fail" while paradoxically pushing you to work harder to prove it wrong. This voice creates anxiety and drives that endless cycle of burnout.
The BFF wants to comfort you but takes it too far. Think of that college friend who wanted to skip studying for drinks—it's all about soothing and avoiding discomfort, often leading to procrastination.
The Advocate is the voice most people can barely hear. It's the one that says "that meeting was tough, but you handled it well—now go take a walk and decompress." This is the voice we need to amplify.
High functioning anxiety isn't an official diagnosis, but it perfectly captures a growing phenomenon. These are the people who look incredibly successful from the outside—always meeting deadlines, showing up early, getting things done. Inside, they're battling constant self-doubt and that spiraling inner dialogue.
The twist? That voice often gets loudest after completing something. You hit submit on a project and immediately start catastrophizing about every possible mistake. Sound familiar?
Coyne's approach is refreshingly practical. First, acknowledge the voice. Name it. Even tell someone "my inner critic is really loud today." Once you recognize it, you can start questioning whether these thoughts are actually facts (spoiler: they're not).
Her "three and five rule" is genius in its simplicity. Pick three important tasks for shorter time periods, five for longer ones. One of those tasks can be self-care, like making yourself a decent lunch. This prevents the endless to-do list spiral that leaves you feeling like you accomplished nothing despite crossing off multiple items.
One of the most striking insights was how perfectionism complicates grief. Perfectionists want to fix everything, but grief requires sitting with uncomfortable feelings. This creates a dangerous loop where major losses trigger high functioning anxiety as people try to control the uncontrollable through hyper-productivity.
Coyne emphasized that recovery isn't about spa days and manicures, it's about doing the hard stuff that actually serves you, like managing your budget or taking actual time off. She practices what she preaches, dedicating Sunday afternoons to disconnecting completely.
The bottom line? Your thoughts aren't facts, productivity doesn't equal worth, and that critical voice doesn't have to run the show. Sometimes the most productive thing you can do is absolutely nothing at all.