🎙️ EP 314: Tennis Champs, Toxic Massages & the Return of Mel the Menace
New motto, new chaos, same unfiltered truth.
This episode is a full-body experience—like a massage that should’ve relaxed you but instead left you questioning everything about life and bathroom etiquette.
From Jared being a certified lunatic (again), to the gym being church, to why America’s mad at a 66-year-old man for liking hot women… let’s talk about it all.
💠Jay’s New Motto:
"With a positive attitude and plenty of money, you can solve all your problems."
Is it deep? No.
Is it true? Absolutely.
Say it out loud. Now say it with your chest.
đź’© Jared Update: Butthole of the Week
Sends me his “five-step process” for how he processes my answers to his own stupid questions. This is serial killer behavior.
Won a local tennis tournament and is now walking around like he’s sponsored by Nike.
BREAKING NEWS: He’s engaged. I can’t believe she said yes. But if this means I get fewer texts… God bless that woman.
🧴 Buzzed Buddy Update:
Fourth of July Sale: 20% OFF + Free Samples
Your liver’s best friend is throwing a party and you’re invited.
🎯 www.buzzedbuddy.com
💆‍♂️ Massage Horror Story:
100-minute massage. Thought I was treating myself.
Halfway through? Nature calls, chaos ensues.
I hate massages. I should’ve known better.
🎩 Butler Service = Life Upgrade
Is it bougie? Yes.
Do I care? Absolutely not.
Having someone fold your laundry while you sip espresso in a robe changes your entire outlook on life. 10/10. No notes.
đź«Ł What Are We Doing Out Here?!
Diddy out here being Diddy, and the receipts are nasty.
Hollywood is just Florida with a bigger budget. That’s all I’ll say.
🌹 The Golden Bachelor Debacle:
Look—I’ve been a Bachelor fan since day one, but this new Golden Bachelor guy, Mel Owens, is getting lit up just for saying he likes women with a certain look.
He’s 66, not dead. And if being honest is now cancelable, we’re all in trouble.
🏋️‍♂️ Why I Still Love the Gym:
I looked around mid-cardio and saw every walk of life—young, old, jacked, struggling, hopeful.
And I thought: THIS is the place.
Different people, one goal: get better.
If that doesn’t fire you up, check your pulse.
🍽️ Nutrition/Fitness Tip of the Week:
Magnesium spray on your feet before bed.
Sleep hits different when your nervous system chills the hell out.
🔥 Message of the Week:
Sit at the table of the dreamers, the go-getters, the star gazers, the warriors, the change makers. The conversation hits different. If you’re tired of small talk and fake vibes, maybe it’s time to change your damn table.
🎧 Press play now. Laugh, nod, cringe (at Jared), and maybe even re-evaluate your opinion on butler service.
This is Happy Hour… the Jay way.