Episode Description

Most women are taught there are only two ways to move through conflict and relationships:

• Be nice → swallow your feelings, smooth things over, keep the peace at your own expense
• Be strong → armor up, go sharp, cut people off, or handle everything yourself
• 
  

Neither one feels good. Neither feels like you.

In this episode of Is It Me or Is It Them?, I share the lightning-bolt insight that helped me name the heart of what so much of my work is really about: a third way for women, a middle ground where you don’t have to choose between being a doormat or a battle axe, where you can hold soft power: clear, kind, and steady.

You’ll hear how over-tolerating and over-hitting both come from the same place (fear), what it means to live from simply zeroing in on what's actually true, and how the Bold as Love Collective helps women practice this “soft AND strong” way of being in real life.

In This Episode, We Explore:

• The two default “templates” many women are handed:
• be nice (self-abandonment) or be strong (hard, defended, distant)
• Why both options come from the same place: fear of conflict, rejection, and being “too much” or “not enough”
• How swinging between silence and explosion keeps you out of alignment with what you actually want
• Why we need to get honest with ourselves faster and act and speak from here (What is really happening here? What is actually true for me? What do I want to see happen here?)
• The idea of soft power:
• soft without being a doormat
• strong without being a battle axe
• clear without being cruel
• honest without burning everything down
• How to set “rules of engagement” for yourself (your own internal policies for how you do relationship)
• Why “win–win relationships” can become a powerful compass when you’re deciding how to respond
• The difference between tidying your side of the street vs. trying to control how other people react
• How practicing this third way changes not just big conflicts, but the tiny everyday interactions with partners, family, coworkers, and strangers
• 
  

Key Takeaways

• Feeling powerful because you snapped or withdrew is not the same as feeling grounded, confident and steady in your truth.
• Numbing out and blowing up are both protection strategies, not self-respect.
• Soft power sounds like: “I’m neither collapsing nor exploding. I’m steady. I’ll have my own back, no matter what.”
• You can be honest and boundaried and still be loving, considerate, and kind.
• The real shift happens when your words and actions line up with who you actually want to be — even in the messy moments.
• 
  

Mentioned in This Episode: The Bold as Love Collective

If you’re tired of choosing between being a doormat or being “the difficult one,” you’ll love Bold as Love Collective— A 3-month coaching circle for women who want:

• clearer, cleaner boundaries (without guilt or explosion)
• fewer spirals before (and after) hard conversations
• a steadier, more self-assured presence in their relationships
• softness without disappearing; strength without the hard shell
• 
  

It’s part self-paced course, part live virtual circle, and fully focused on practicing this third way in the real world, with ourselves, the people we love and the ones who push our buttons.

👉 Learn more / join the next round: here.

Want to get better at speaking up? Sign up for the free on-demand workshop that will help you be more confident in standing your ground when you're dealing with a boundary bulldozer. Sign up here.

Get on the Newsletter List here.

Have a topic or question you'd love to hear about?

Message me and let me know.

email april@lovelossproject.com

Instagram @with.love.april

https://www.instagram.com/with.love.april/

Please note:

This show is not a replacement for therapy, assessment, treatment or diagnosis. This show is intended for educational and entertainment purposes only. See your physician, counsellor or local crisis support centre if needed

All identifying details about the people and the stories shared here are removed to protect confidentiality.