Selso, Art, and Rooster weren’t your average motorcycle enthusiasts. Sure, they had bikes. Sure, they had leather jackets. But what truly set them apart was their unwavering devotion to breakfast-themed branding and questionable road trip decisions.
It all started when Selso, mid-podcast recording, declared: “Guys, what if we ride to Sturgis… dressed as toast?” Art, sipping cold brew from a mason jar, nodded solemnly. “Only if mine has jam flames.” Rooster, who had just returned from a week-long silent retreat in a Waffle House parking lot, whispered, “I’m buttered and ready.”
So they hit the road.
Art rode a white cruiser with a sidecar full of stickers and band merch. Rooster had a maroon beast with handlebars shaped like forks. Selso’s bike? A vintage chopper with a toaster strapped to the back, ejecting slices every 20 miles like breadcrumbs for lost breakfast souls.
They made it halfway through Oklahoma before a biker gang called “The Grits” challenged them to a slow-motion race. Selso won by narrating the entire event in podcast form while riding. Art got distracted trying to sketch a cartoon mascot mid-turn. Rooster stopped to butter a passing tumbleweed.
When they finally rolled into Sturgis, toast suits flapping in the wind, they were greeted with awe, confusion, and one guy who yelled, “I KNEW CARBS WOULD RETURN!”
They didn’t win any official awards. But they did get a lifetime supply of syrup from a pancake vendor named Sheila, who claimed Rooster’s mustache reminded her of her third husband.
And that night, under the neon glow of a dive bar called “The Crusty Crankshaft,” the trio raised their mugs of dark beer and declared: “To breakfast. To bikes. To being absolutely ridiculous.”
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