Romantic literature defends the thesis that it is better to go through ups and downs in life rather than leading a smooth and peaceful existence. I have my doubts about their exaltation of adventure, but when it comes to real life, none of us is afforded the luxury of perfect smoothness and peace. Seneca (4 BC-65 AD) was conscious of the detrimental role played by heartbreak and grief in human existence. Some men and women bring about their own misery, for instance because they engage in reckless behaviour; others are simply victims of circumstances. In all cases, heartbreak and grief can make bad situations even worse. I reckon that, amongst all Stoic philosophers, Seneca gave the most sensible advice for dealing with heartbreak and grief. His recommendations remain valuable today, twenty centuries after he had consigned them to paper, but require some minor adaptations. Seneca provides his universal prescription in the 20th Letter to Lucilius, where he advises us to “moderate our desires,” although in a different context. His views are drawn from three centuries earlier, from the writings of Epicurus (341-270 BC). The 20th Letter is coupling the material with the intangible by referring to Epicurus advice to Pythocles: The best way to grow wealthier is to moderate one’s desires. Seneca is using the quotation from Epicurus in the sense of physical desires and professional ambitions, amongst others. How does this recommendation apply to individuals that are suffering from heartache or grief? Their suffering comes from the desire to have reality changed, recover their lost fortune, get their lost friend back, or resurrect their deceased spouse. Seneca calls for moderating our desires in good times and bad times; excessive ambition will prove as pernicious as blind faith in the impossible. The wise man knows the difference between fantasy and feasibility, and avoids the former. Heartache and grief are aggravated when individuals look at others that seem to enjoy vast advantages. The impression that other people are luckier can magnify one’s feelings of misery. I find it sensible of Seneca’s to clarify, also in the 20th Letter, that such public images of power and wealth tend to be transient. Seneca remarks that many people who occupy a powerful or influential position will be quickly forgotten upon their passing and nobody will pay homage to their feats. It is thus irrational to compare oneself to public images that may not depict solid achievement or enjoyment. Heartbreak and grief are best combatted by focusing on the best kind of role models: people who have surmounted failure and hardships. I’m referring to individuals who have personally experienced setbacks and have emerged triumphant. In the 33rd Letter to Lucilius, Seneca warns us against weak role models. Victims of heartache and grief should pay special attention to this recommendation. Seneca invoked Pythagoras (6th century BC) as an example of teachers “who not only talk, but also do as they say.” Here is the link to the original article: https://johnvespasian.com/seneca-on-dealing-with-heartbreak-and-grief/