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Quotes from this episode:
"Values are the foundation for our relationship." - Tara
"Choose to be on the same team." - Jess
We start our chat with Frank Sinatra’s Love and Marriage swirling in our minds (AKA the theme to Married... with Children), and making the discovery that Tara has never seen The Princess Bride!
We discuss making the choice to grow with another person throughout life changes and challenges, and the ways we've done this in our own marriages.
What about continuing to date your partner? We share our favourite ways to date throughout different phases of life. At this stage, Tara loves finding opportunities to dance together or get some movement (like joining local pick-up basketball). Currently Jess is loving making time for lowkey but intentional hangs at home, with no need for baby-sitters!
How about navigating conflict? How can we process changes as individuals and as a couple? Tara shares some of the changes she's been experiencing in recent years, and how it's impacted her marriage. Jess shares her perspective that it is also okay to still love someone, and decide not to stay together. Do what's right for yourself, and your partner.
Tara mentions her obsession with Jefferson Fisher, a communication expert. His Instagram page @jeffersonfisher and his podcast: The Jefferson Fisher Podcast. She also shares the concept of checking in with yourself and others, to know if it is a safe time for a difficult conversation.
***Tara mentions reading about being in fight or flight mode. In the episode she says "parasympathetic" but it is "sympathetic".
References for fight flight mode: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-happens-to-your-body-during-the-fight-or-flight-response
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMFhqbfnIfQ *In this podcast episode Dr. K talks about fight or flight mode, among many other great subjects.*
Tara thinks understanding others should be considered a kind of love language… Jess brings up that knowing and truly seeing someone is the best way to love them, in ways big and small (like knowing how your partner takes their coffee).
Round up of strategies for finding joy & resolving conflict, and additional topics referenced in this episode:
-Ben Platt's song "Grow as we Go" about the ebb and flow of relationships
-Alphabet dates
-Journal prompts together each day as a reflective practice
-Be a thermostat not a thermometer (set the temperature in the room, rather than simply reading & reacting to the temperature)
-Blaming "Susan"
-Come up with the silly pet-names for each other when you ask for something
-Emma Watson’s recent interview on Jay Shetty's “On Purpose” podcast (intimacy is revealing deeper and deeper truths to somebody about yourself over time)
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