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Episode 11 Summary: As we continue our series on communication, today we’re going to continue to talk about one of the hardest areas we face in marriage – conflict! Did you know that our personalities can often play a huge role in how we navigate conflict? In today’s episode we’re going to talk about personality styles in conflict. Plus we’re going to teach you a technique for resolving conflict that has helped us tremendously over the years.
Resources from today’s episode:
10 Great Dates to Energize Your Marriage: Updated and Expanded Edition by David and Claudia Arp https://amzn.to/2KWEPNk
6 Conflict Styles
The Turtle – “I Withdraw”
The Skunk – “I Attack”
The Beaver – “I Avoid”
The Chameleon – “I Yield”
The Owl – “I Intellectualize”
The Gorilla – “I Intimidate”
Fighting for Your Marriage: A Deluxe Revised Edition of the Classic Best-seller for Enhancing Marriage and Preventing Divorce by Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, Susan L. Blumberg https://amzn.to/3c7gJeD
The Speaker-Listener Technique
Rules for Speaker
-Speak for yourself, don’t mind read!
-Keep statements brief, don’t go on and on.
-Stop to let the listener paraphrase.
Rules for the Listener
-Focus on the speaker’s message. Don’t rebut!
-Remember the GOAL is UNDERSTANDING
-Gain permission to advise, comment, or question.
Rules for Both
-The speaker has the floor.
-The speaker keeps the floor while the listener paraphrases.
-Share the floor. *Problem solving comes after understanding*
“When each person knows what the other person feels and wants (assertiveness) and when each knows they have been heard and understood (active listening), intimacy is increased.” -Prepare Enrich
Prepare-Enrich is the #1 Premarital & Marriage Assessment in the world & we are certified facilitators. Check out more info at https://www.prepare-enrich.com/ and email us at marriageignitedpodcast@gmail.com to setup your personalized assessment!
Episode 11 TOOL: This week we’d love for you to put The Speaker-Listener Technique into practice. Using “I Messages” and the Speaker-Listener rules listed in the description, sit down with your spouse and walk through this technique with both positive and negative feelings words. Keep is simple and give each other grace as you learn this technique.
Discussion and/or Journal Questions:
-Which animal do you identify with in handling conflict?
-Which animal do you believe your spouse closely resembles in conflict?
-How does understanding your differing or similar conflict styles impact your approach to conflict?
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