We're back this week with another puddle of viscous, fabulous, and all around ridiculous ketchup to wade through! 

Catholic semantics, Shaq/gorilla free throw battles, boldly improving modern art, and a knock at the door from the Gazpacho all await you in this, somehow our 17th episode!

Fun Fact: In researching the Russian museum story, we found several highly misleading thumbnails that suggested Ben Stiller and Christopher Walken were the perpetrators... for the simple fact that they were in movies about museums? What fresh SEO hell is this?!

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First mouse with bitcoin in its body

Phoenix priest who botched baptisms for decades apologizes, seeks to make amends 

Shaquille O'Neal says gorillas freak out when he comes near, and Zoo Miami executive confirms they are intimidated by his large size

£740,000 painting is ruined after 'bored' security guard draws eyes on faceless figures on his first day in the job at Russian gallery

Hudson mayor suggests ice fishing could lead to prostitution in ice shanties

‘Gazpacho police’: Nazi gaffe lands Republican congresswoman in the soup

NYC Mayor Eric Adams says it's hard to tell the difference between a person 'hooked on cheese' and someone 'hooked on heroin'

Florida man claims he’s Mick Jagger, picks fights at restaurants 

Port St. Lucie man arrested after train hits stolen car, car flies into nearby home