In this Mostly Marketing Short, Matt tackles the only topic more controversial than attribution models: the proper rules for drinking coffee.

After a flood of heated LinkedIn opinions, he breaks down the wildly unhinged behavior of people who walk around in 10-degree weather with a cup of iced coffee like everything is fine.

Matt lays out his official, non-negotiable, borderline-legal guidelines for when hot coffee is mandatory, when iced coffee becomes acceptable, and what to do during the treacherous 45-to-65-degree temperature zone. Plus, a quick detour into creamer preferences, caffeine self-awareness, and why life is too ridiculous to judge anyone’s vanilla-almond-mocha-cookie-dough concoction.

Whether you’re a year-round iced-coffee loyalist or a seasonal purist, this mini-episode will absolutely validate you… or get you charged with a Class B misdemeanor.