In this episode, high-conflict divorce strategist and advocate Lisa Johnson joins Alice to unpack one of the most overwhelming and destabilizing experiences anyone can face: navigating divorce with a narcissist. Whether you're trying to divorce a narcissistic husband, divorce a narcissist wife, or find your footing after divorce after abusive marriage, Lisa offers clarity that is both deeply validating and strategically life-saving.
Lisa’s story is astonishing: a 20-year relationship built on hidden lives and deception, a $100,000 divorce in year one, and nearly a decade of court battles where she eventually represented herself more than 100 times. Her testimony even helped pass Jennifer’s Law, expanding Connecticut’s legal definition of domestic violence to include coercive control.
If you’ve ever wondered what actually happens when you divorce a narcissist, why a narcissist during divorce behaves in ways that defy logic, or how to survive divorce mediation with a narcissist who lies, gaslights, and retaliates, this episode will finally make the chaos make sense.
Lisa walks Alice through:
The early grooming patterns that pull intelligent, grounded people into unhealthy bonds
Why those coming from religious environments face a unique layer of shame — especially in Christian divorce narcissist situations where community pressure insists you “stay no matter what”
How coercive control erodes your authority, self-trust, and sense of reality
What to expect in a divorce trial with a narcissis
The psychological fallout of emotional abuse divorce, including the self-blame, shock, and confusion that linger long after the separation
How to protect your children if you must divorce a narcissist with kids or divorce an abuser with kids,
What to do if you’ve ended up with a divorce attorney narcissist who escalates conflict instead of reducing it
Lisa also reveals the hidden truth about high-conflict separation: the moment you leave is statistically the most dangerous.
She offers a grounded path forward for anyone attempting to divorce a narcissist husband, divorce a narcissist wife, or rebuild themselves after decades of coercive control. She explains why you must be strategic—not emotional—and why the goal is not to “win,” but to get out with your sanity and safety intact.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone navigating divorce after abusive marriage, preparing for divorcing an abusive husband, or trying to understand how to make it out of a high-conflict situation with clarity, protection, and a plan.
Resources & Links
🌐 Find Lisa Johnson: https://beentheregotout.com
📘 Been There, Got Out: Toxic Relationships, High Conflict Divorce and How to Stay Sane Under Insane Circumstances
📘 Been There, Got Out: When Your Ex Turns the Kids Against You
🧠 Legal Abuse Support Group, Courses & Strategic Communication Training
📸 Instagram: @been_there_got_out
Chapters:
00:00 Lisa’s Story: A 20-Year Marriage Built on Secrets
02:00 How Smart People End Up in Abusive Dynamics
05:30 Coercive Control, Grooming & Denial
08:10 Faith Communities & Christian Divorce Narcissist Pressures
11:30 Emotional Abuse Divorce: The Invisible Damage
15:00 When You Divorce a Narcissist: Why Everything Escalates
18:40 Divorce a Narcissistic Husband / Divorce a Narcissist Wife
22:00 Narcissist Divorce Strategy: Money, Kids, Court
25:20 Divorce Mediation With a Narcissist: What Actually Works
28:00 Divorce an Abuser With Kids: Safety, Threats & Manipulation
31:10 Divorce a Narcissist With Kids: Protecting Them From Loyalty Warfare
34:00 When Your Divorce Attorney Narcissist Makes Things Worse
38:00 Divorce Trial With a Narcissist: Reality vs Fantasy
41:40 Building Your Team (Therapist, DV Center, Strategist, Attorney)
45:10 Leaving Safely: Exit Planning & Community Resources
48:00 Negotiating Without Feeding Their Ego or Rage
51:00 Divorce After Abusive Marriage: Rebuilding Yourself
55:00 Lisa’s Resources for Anyone in High-Conflict Divorce