In this episode of Perfect Prey, I speak with Sarma Melngailis, author of The Girl with the Duck Tattoo and the central figure in the documentary Bad Vegan. Sarma shares her lived experience of sustained psychological coercion, how it felt to be worn down and re-anchored in someone else’s reality, and what the recovery process looks like after a relationship that functioned much like a one-on-one cult.
What we cover
How coercive control can operate like psychological warfare and the tactics that make it feel impossible to leave.
Why intelligent, accomplished people can become victims: the slow wearing down, mirroring, and exploitation of hopes and vulnerabilities.
The parallels between cult dynamics and one-on-one coercive relationships—why isolation and repeated micro-assaults change perception and decision-making.
The aftermath: public shame, misrepresentation in media, and the ongoing work of reclaiming agency, safety, and reputation.
Practical reflections for survivors and protective parents: how to notice red flags early, the power of sitting with your intuition, and how healing helps rebuild boundaries and clarity.
Why listen Sarma’s story illustrates that coercive control is not about intelligence or credentials — it’s about a strategic, multifaceted assault on agency and reality. Whether you are a survivor, a caregiver, a clinician, or someone trying to understand how otherwise kind and competent people get trapped, this episode names the mechanisms, normalizes survivors’ reactions, and offers concrete ideas for protection and recovery.
Guest bio (short) Sarma Melngailis is the author of The Girl with the Duck Tattoo and the subject of the documentary Bad Vegan. She writes and speaks about her experience of coercive control and its aftermath, helping others recognize the subtle, insidious tactics used by predatory partners.
Connect with Sarma Melngailis:
Connect with Dr. Christine:
Protective Parenting Program: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/services/for-parents/
Official site: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrCocchiola-coercivecontrol/videos
TEDxTalks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp2qByKOue4&t=24s
If this episode landed for you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it, subscribe for more trauma-informed conversations, and consider leaving a review — it helps other survivors find validation and safety.
— Dr. Christine Cocchiola & guest Sarma Melngailis