In this episode of Perfect Prey, I’m joined by David Challen, author of The Unthinkable, who shares his experience growing up as a child inside a coercively controlling family system. David offers a rare and powerful perspective on coercive control through the eyes of a child—long before there was language to describe abuse, and long before systems were willing to see it.
This conversation explores how coercive control creates an atmosphere of fear, vigilance, humiliation, and emotional captivity within families, even when there is no visible violence. David reflects on the early intuition that something was wrong, the “rot in the house” that others could not see, and how children normalize danger in order to survive. Together, we examine the intergenerational harm caused by coercive control and why children are not passive witnesses, but co-victims.
What we cover
What coercive control looks and feels like through the eyes of a child
How children sense danger, imbalance, and domination long before abuse is named
The normalization of mockery, humiliation, fear, and emotional subservience within families
Why coercive control is not “hidden abuse,” but a trajectory of escalating harm
How long-term psychological domination strips autonomy, identity, and safety over time
The concept of “systemic degradation” and how victims are worn down across years or decades
Why victim retaliation is often misunderstood, mislabeled, and criminalized
The long-term impact on adult child survivors and protective parents
Why listen
If you are a survivor, protective parent, adult child survivor, clinician, or legal professional, this episode offers critical insight into how coercive control operates inside families and why children are deeply affected—even when abuse is not outwardly visible. This conversation brings clarity to experiences that are often minimized, misunderstood, or dismissed, and highlights why coercive control must be recognized as the foundation of all abuse.
Guest bio (short)
David Challen is an author, speaker, and campaigner on domestic abuse and coercive control. He is the author of The Unthinkable, which tells the story of growing up in a coercively controlled household and the devastating impact of long-term psychological abuse on children and families. David is a prominent advocate for greater recognition of coercive control and has spoken widely about intergenerational harm, survivor justice, and systemic failure.
Connect David Challen:
Instagram: https://l1nq.com/davidinstagram
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@davidchallen?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc
Learn more about David: https://www.eida.org.uk/davids-story
Website: https://l1nq.com/davidchallenwebsite
The Unthinkable: https://www.hachette.co.uk/titles/david-challen/the-unthinkable/9781914240263/
Connect with Dr. Christine:
Protective Parenting Program: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/services/for-parents/
Official site: https://www.coercivecontrolconsulting.com/
Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@DrCocchiola-coercivecontrol/videos
TEDxTalks: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gp2qByKOue4&t=24s
If this episode landed for you, please share it with someone who needs to hear it, subscribe for more trauma-informed conversations, and consider leaving a review — it helps other survivors find validation and safety.
— Dr. Christine Cocchiola & guest David Challen