Em shares a real “identity upgrade” moment: going on Jay Shetty’s podcast was a dream, but it also scared her more than she expected. After filming, she felt the classic post-event spiral—overthinking what she said, second-guessing everything, and feeling like her performance wasn’t as good as everyone else said it was. From that, she breaks down what was actually happening in her brain and nervous system: stress distorts perception, fight-or-flight makes your mind scan for threats, and your experience of reality changes depending on your state. She also shares a simple reframe for the “I should’ve said this” feeling (planting seeds for the future), plus the difference between guilt and shame—and why making things “about you” can turn a moment into an identity label. To help you apply it, Em lays out her 5-step upgrade formula: do the hard thing (even messy), extract the lessons before the results, regulate your nervous system, reenter with appreciation, and anchor in the new identity. It’s a practical playbook for interviews, big conversations, speaking moments, or anything that scares you—so you don’t just survive it, you actually level up from it