This week on Proud Conception, we meet John, who alongside his husband Nick, embarked on a journey to fatherhood that required immense tenacity and resilience. After ruling out adoption and international options, their path took a beautiful turn when John’s sister offered to be their egg donor. With Nick providing the sperm, their son Emerson would share a biological connection to both sides of the whānau.

They worked through the search of finding a gestational surrogate and had a few false starts with the embryo transfer, but it finally all seemed to align with a positive pregnancy. Then at 20 weeks, their world shifted when at a routine scan they discovered their son had a congenital heart defect. John details the daunting reality of preparing for multiple heart surgeries for a newborn while navigating the legal complexities of New Zealand surrogacy arrangements, where, as intended parents, they technically had no legal rights to make decisions around their son’s care and treatment until parenting orders were in place post-birth. 

In recounting this journey, John shares his perspective of being gay dads in a hospital system designed primarily for birthing mothers but also highlights the incredible individual allies they found in nurses, surgeons, and their lawyer. He also shares some of the people and groups whose support guided him and Nick. 

This is a story of fierce advocacy and the profound love that carried this whānau through. This is a longer episode and it deserves to be. It’s the extraordinary origin story of a beautiful young boy wrapped up in some pretty remarkable love.

Resources:

• Imperfect Parents: The parenting group John mentions that provided a supportive space for their whānau. Super inclusive of different family types and run by the incredible Sophie Moskowitz. https://www.imperfectparents.co.nz/

• Stewart Dalley: The legal support John and Nick used for their surrogacy and adoption process. Stewart is a lawyer who specialises in surrogacy and has three children of his own by surrogacy. https://www.dslaw.nz/familyformation/ 

• Empwr: Rainbow-inclusive antenatal classes which provide affirming and supportive pregnancy education. empwrbirth.com. 

• The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will be Glad that You Did) by Philippa Perry. 

  
  

Thanks for listening to Proud Conception. If you enjoyed this episode and want to hear more, follow the show on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and join the conversation with us on Instagram @ProudConceptionPod. And if you have a family-building story you’d like to share, please get in touch via Instagram or email proudconception@gmail.com.