
We woke up early, slammed some coffee, and watched… a parade. Suzuka served dry grass fires, zero strategy, and Max Verstappen making a trash car look like a spaceship. McLaren napped through the whole race, Ferrari forgot they’re Ferrari, and Red Bull keeps playing musical chairs with their second seat. Plus: Yuki love, Lance slander, and we crown the rookies that actually showed up. Also, we’re hopping into simulators to see if we can beat Stroll’s lap time. Spoiler: we probably can.