In today’s episode of Sisters in Sobriety, we explore recovery and identity with Arlina Allen, who uses neuroscience principles to help people heal, regulate stress and rewrite their patterns. What happens when alcohol is no longer our coping strategy — and how do we rebuild our nervous system, our patterns, and our sense of self?

With over 30 years of sobriety, Arlina has become a trusted voice in recovery, neuroscience, self-leadership, and sustainable change. She’s also the bestselling author of The 12-Step Guide for Skeptics and host of The One Day at a Time Recovery Podcast, ranked in the top 1% of all self-help shows.

This episode explores questions many women face in recovery: What if 12-step programs didn’t feel like your path—can they still work for you? How does identity, trauma, or high-functioning behavior shape addiction? Can we pursue ambition and protect our emotional health? Sonia and Arlina unpack how language—sober curious, gray area drinking, substance use disorder—can both define us and limit us, and how neuroscience can help explain cravings, coping strategies, and our repeated patterns.

You'll hear practical strategies grounded in neuroscience, mindfulness, emotional resilience, and stress regulation—core principles in Arlina’s coaching programs and workshops. She breaks down how the default mode network shapes identity, the difference between spirituality and religion in recovery, and how self-regulation tools, time audits, somatic practices, and boundaries help reduce burnout without losing ambition. Recovery isn’t about adding more to your life—it’s often about subtracting what drains you.

Arlina also opens up about drinking at age 10, surviving trauma, navigating intimacy, marriage, envy, perfectionism, and burnout—and how the emotional work of sobriety continues even after 31 years.

This is Sisters in Sobriety, the support community that helps women change their relationship with alcohol. Check out our Substack for extra tips, tricks and resources.

[00:02:10] Drinking at age 10 — “relief before I understood pain”
[00:04:35] High-functioning but spiraling — identity vs. consequences
[00:07:00] The 12 steps as tools, even for skeptics
[00:09:30] Spirituality vs religious trauma — redefining a higher power
[00:11:20] Why “alcoholic” doesn’t have to be a shame label
[00:13:15] Sober curious, gray area drinkers & language
[00:15:10] Can AA work if you’re not fully abstinent?
[00:19:00] Neuroscience 101 — the default mode network explained
[00:21:50] Cortisol, sleep, neuroplasticity & emotional regulation
[00:24:30] Childhood wiring and belief systems
[00:27:40] Perfectionism, intimacy, and emotional avoidance
[00:29:30] Working the steps inside marriage
[00:33:25] Character defects vs character assets—reframing
[00:36:40] Burnout in recovery — sneaky signs
[00:39:45] Resentment, envy & high-performing women
[00:44:00] “If you spot it, you’ve got it” — mirror theory
[00:47:00] Time audits, priorities & time drunkenness
[00:50:10] The Kool-Aid metaphor — why morning practices matter
[00:54:05] Cultivating joy & experimenting with hobbies
[00:56:20] “Recovery is about recovering your whole self”

Connect With Arlina

🌐 www.soberlifeschool.com
📸 Instagram: @arlinaallen | @odaatpodcast

SIS Links

💌 Sisters In Sobriety Substack – where the magic (and the mocktail recipes) happen

📬 Sisters In Sobriety Email

📸 Sisters In Sobriety Instagram

🌐 Kathleen’s Website Kathleen does not endorse any products mentioned in this podcast

📸 Kathleen’s Instagram

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