Welcome back to Spoken For. Today’s drink is a very unsexy cup of tea - because this one’s about the quiet arithmetic of long-term love: the mental scoreboard that creeps in around chores, sex, money, and “who cares more,” and how to retire it before it retires your desire.
What You’ll Learn in This Episode:
Why we keep score (cognitive accounting, equity theory) and why the real fear isn’t imbalance - it’s invisibility.
How scorekeeping shows up everywhere: bins, bedtime, budgets, even who’s “more emotionally mature.”
Repair in practice: soft starts, humour as a reset, and turning toward micro-moments.
Why grace beats fairness long-term: love isn’t symmetrical; it’s seasonal and cumulative.
Episode Resources & Mentions:
The Gottman Institute - repair attempts, turning toward, soft start-ups.
Equity theory & comparative deprivation (why perceived fairness matters more than perfect 50/50).
Key Takeaway:
Love runs on recognition and grace, not perfect maths. Name the scoreboard, laugh at it together, and choose curiosity over comparison. Aim for rhythm, not receipts.
Let’s Stay Connected:
Email → spokenforpod@gmail.com
Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/altarandtoast
Wedding vows & speeches → www.altarandtoast.co.uk
Music from #Uppbeat (free for Creators!): https://uppbeat.io/t/walz/ryan
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