Submarine and A Roach — Nigeria’s funniest podcast and the #1 comedy podcast in Nigeria — presents “Detty December is Human Trafficking,” hosted by TMT & Koj.

Every December, Lagos becomes a conveyor belt of bodies, bottles, and bravado—an economy of daytime festivals that start too late for the sun, beach days that turn into boat-hopping on the Lagos Lagoon, and selfies in the red-light district otherwise known as Lagos traffic. It’s our annual rite of passage: equal parts pilgrimage and punishment.

The boys build a Detty December checklist: stuffy clubs with famously disorderly queues; Russian roulette with fake alcohol; concerts that begin at 3 a.m. and stages that collapse by 3 a.m.; and the not-so-subtle deployment of Nigerian police by private citizens—like Pokémon.

There’s wedding culture, too: the old era of joyful gate-crashing is fading under inflation, replaced by a dystopian hustle where IJGBs and culture tourists buy access to “authentic” Nigerian weddings. TMT’s PSA is simple: if you purchase a ticket to crash a wedding because of an IG ad made on Canva, expect hands. Koj counters that the market will protect anyone willing to buy tables at weddings like it’s Rhythm Unplugged.

Climate anxiety hovers over the festivities: rain bleeding into November, potentially signaling higher heat levels in December, and a city with a track record of not solving environmental crises—before the conversation pivots to Sanwo-Olu at Lagos Fashion Week, modeling a “sustainable” aesthetic. You can’t spell APC without AC, so APC will cool the globe.

The hosts resurrect the word “chassis”—a car term upgraded into a compliment—to show how Nigerianisms morph in real time. Ultimately, like Detty December itself, language is just infrastructure for what we really want: to be seen, to be inside, to say, “I survived.”