Have you caught yourself in an argument with your kids, and you know the only way out of it is frustration? As parents, we are modeling behavior for our children in every moment. When our kids are arguing with each other, they’re learning how to strengthen their position as well as how to navigate opposition. When our kids argue with, we teach them boundaries, listening, curiosity, and peaceful disagreement. Or, at least that’s what we should be teaching them!
In this episode, the Dads talk about parental strategies for having peaceful disagreements with our children, as well as how to argue with our neurodiverse kids. Here are some strategies for those times we find ourselves locked into an argument:
Be Clear About Rules
Parents should be clear about what the parameters look like. Make it clear as soon as possible what is negotiable, and what is not.
Positive, Difficult, Positive
Our kids will have strong emotions and opinions. They should have the space to express how they are feeling. That doesn’t mean they should get that space whenever they want.
Ask your child to state something positive, then explain why they are upset. Finish again with something positive.
Pause and Designate Time/Space for Upset
Basically, there should be a clear understanding about where and how they can voice their upset. It limits the chances of a circular argument. Does your child really want to keep asking questions to understand where you’re coming from, or are they asking questions because they are arguing for what they want? Let them have space and time to work through the upset, and give them the space to do that with you as well.
Set Clear Boundaries Before Any Argument is On the Radar
“If you interrupt repeatedly, I will tell you as calmly as possible that the conversation must continue another time. If that also isn’t respected, we will instill a consequence, or I will simply walk away and explain why.”
Affirm and Acknowledge
When an argument is being respected by your children, acknowledge their thoughts, feelings, and points to show them you also respect them. Model positive disagreements.
Focus on Good Behaviors
Give power to the good choices. Be specific when giving praise.
Links
Siblings without Rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
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