Think of the last time you felt that head-spinning rush of attraction, the kind that makes you lose your appetite, lose your mind, maybe even lose yourself. Movies call it true love. Songs call it soulmates. But here’s the twist: your nervous system might just be saying, ‘This feels familiar.’

And familiar isn’t always safe. Sometimes it’s chaos in disguise.

In Chapter 7 of The Attachment Trap: Loving Without Losing Yourself, I call this the trap of chemistry versus capacity. Chemistry is fireworks, dazzling, intense, unforgettable. But capacity? That’s the campfire steady, warm, still burning when the fireworks fade.

In this episode, we’ll unpack why your body sometimes confuses chaos with connection, how neuroception, your nervous system’s radar, can mistake unpredictability for passion, and why calm can feel uncomfortable if you grew up with inconsistency.

And of course, we’ll bring in some pop culture. Think The Notebook , Noah and Allie screaming and kissing in the rain, that’s chemistry, intoxicating but exhausting. Now compare that to Coach and Tami Taylor in Friday Night Lights, small, steady choices, teamwork, laughter in the mess. That’s capacity. One burns you out, the other sustains you.

We’ll even explore why Taylor Swift’s ‘sparks fly’ anthems feel magnetic and why John Legend’s All of Me gives us the nervous system safety that actually lasts.

So if you’ve ever wondered why calm feels boring and chaos feels like home, this episode is for you.

Episode 7 of The Attachment Trap Podcast: Chemistry vs. Capacity — Why Fireworks Fade and Campfires Last.