What happens when the words you speak to your husband are the opposite of what’s in your heart? Maybe you want to support and encourage him, but the things that come out sound more like criticism—or just plain silence. If you’ve ever wondered how to be a better wife or longed to help your husband without nagging or correcting, you’ll love this conversation with Ann Wilson, author of How to Speak Life to Your Husband (When All You Want to Do is Yell at Him). Ann brings so much wisdom, humility, and hope to this episode. Prepare to walk away encouraged and challenged in the best way.

How to Speak Life to Your Husband
Ann’s journey toward understanding the power of her words started with what she thought was going to be a normal speaking event alongside her husband, Dave. What she didn’t expect? Dave’s confession to the audience: “When we first got married, I felt like I walked in the door and you were booing me.”
Ouch.
Ann was stunned—and a little defensive. But instead of dismissing it, she asked God a hard question: Am I booing my husband? The answer was yes.
That moment sent her on a path of personal change. She began to see that what she thought was “helping” her husband actually came across as constant correction. As she put it, “God began showing me that I was praying for Dave to change, but He wanted to change me.”
And that’s when everything started to shift.
What’s It Like to Be Married to Me?
Ann started using the reflection question, What’s it like to be married to me? It’s a sobering thought—and a helpful one. She realized her thoughts and internal monologue about Dave had turned negative. “I’d get stuck in this spiral, thinking about all the ways he wasn’t seeing me or showing up.”
But instead of venting or stewing, she sensed God nudging her: What would happen if you prayed for him as much as you complained about him?
That one question was a game-changer.
She started to notice how even her everyday speech had a pattern: “You should do this” or “Have you tried that?”—instructive, not encouraging. She laughs about it now, but it was a wake-up call that her way of communicating wasn’t life-giving.
Small Words, Big Impact
One day, she paused before dinner and intentionally thanked Dave in front of their kids. His response? “I saw the book you were reading, and I know you said that because you read it in a book, but I don’t even care. It felt so good.”
That’s when she began to understand how deeply our husbands—like all of us—long to know: Am I doing okay? Does she believe in me?
Ann shared a fascinating study from the Arbinger Institute, which showed that we communicate more from our way of being than from our words or behavior. “So even if you’re saying the right thing,” she explained, “your husband can feel it if you don’t believe it.”
And if you’re in an abusive situation, she’s very clear: “The most loving thing you can do is get safe.” Her advice applies to good-willed husbands—those who want a strong, Christ-centered marriage but may not always get it right.
The Helper Who Stands Toe-to-Toe
Ann also dove into the Hebrew meaning behind Genesis 2:18, where God says He will make a “helper suitable” for man. The word “helper” in Hebrew is azer, the same word used to describe God as Israel’s rescuer in battle. And “suitable”? That comes from kenegdo, meaning “to stand toe-to-toe.”
“Being a helper isn’t weak,” Ann says. “It means standing side-by-side, back-to-back with your husband. Fierce, protective, and obedient to God’s calling—even when it’s hard.”
One theologian told her, “When a man stands toe-to-toe with his wife, he sees, in her eyes, the man he could become.” That line really stuck with both of us. What are our husbands seeing in our eyes?
From Criticism to Prayer