Have you ever felt like making friends used to be easy—but now it feels downright impossible? If you’re longing for deeper connection, author Kristen Strong gets it. In this episode of the Christian Habits Podcast, Kristen shares practical advice and hard-won wisdom about how to make friends when it doesn’t come naturally anymore from her book Desperate Woman Seeks Friends: Real Talk About Connection, Rejection, and Trying Again for the Friendships You Need. Whether you’re navigating a new season of life or just feeling a little lonely, I think you’ll walk away from our conversation with encouraged.

How to Make and Keep Friends
Kristen grew up in a small Oklahoma town, surrounded by extended family. “I didn’t have to work hard to make friends,” she said. Even in college, she moved with a group of familiar faces. But that all changed when she transferred colleges to follow her husband, Dave, during his military assignment.
“I just assumed I would have instant friends,” she said. “I thought the Lord would just apparate them to my doorstep like in Harry Potter.”
Instead, she found herself isolated for the first time in her life.
It was a turning point. “I had to learn how to connect,” Kristen said. “And now, I’ve written the book I wish I’d had back then.”
The Friendship Deficit
These days, many of us are in the same boat Kristen was in. Life changes, seasons shift, and even our culture doesn’t make it easy. Kristen pointed out that in Western society, independence is often valued over interdependence. “We like our space,” she said, “but that can convince us we don’t need friends.”
And social media? “It can scratch the itch for connection, but it doesn’t satisfy,” Kristen shared. “It’s like eating breadcrumbs all day instead of sitting down to a nourishing meal.”
Showing Up, Opening Up, Praying Up
Kristen offers three pillars for cultivating friendships:
1. Showing Up
“Friendship rarely happens by accident anymore,” Kristen said. “You have to show up where people are—and keep showing up.”
That might mean joining a regular group at church, taking a class, or saying yes to that coffee invite, even when it feels awkward.
She encourages people to think practically: “What do you already enjoy? Is there a way to do it with others?”
2. Opening Up
“Opening your home is like opening your heart,” Kristen told me. And it doesn’t have to be impressive. “People don’t care how clean your house is. They care that you made room for them.”
She’s hosted friends for frozen pizza or a glass of water on the porch while the kids played.
“Not every person I’ve had in my house became a great friend—but every great friend has been in my house.”
3. Praying Up
Kristen is intentional about praying for friendships—and encourages others to do the same.
“Jesus had friends. If He needed friends, we certainly do. And God will be faithful to answer that prayer,” she said. “But we have to partner with Him in the process.”
Don’t Let Fear Win
I asked Kristen what she would say to someone who’s weary of putting themselves out there—especially if they’ve been hurt before.
Her response was both gentle and bold.
“I’ve been there. I’ve said, ‘Women are tricky. I don’t know if friendship is worth it.’ But I don’t want someone to miss out on what God has for them—or for others to miss out on her.”
She reminded us that even Jesus was betrayed by a close friend. “He understands,” she said. “Take your fears and frustrations to Him.”
Friendship is Worth the Work
Whether you’re twenty-five or fifty-five, building new friendships takes effort. “You’re not in a petri dish of peers anymore,” Kristen explained. “The older you get, the more intentional you have to be.”
But it’s worth it—for your emotional and physical health.