You tell them they're smart, capable, amazing. But they don't believe you. And the more you say it, the more anxious they get. Here's why your words aren't working.

Confidence isn't something you can install through pep talks or affirmations. It's built through a specific loop: belief leads to action, action creates evidence, evidence builds competence, and competence creates confidence that actually sticks.

But most parents try to shortcut this process. They praise identity ("you're so smart") instead of effort. They rescue kids from struggle before evidence can be gathered. They try to talk their children into confidence instead of letting them earn it.

This episode explores:

- Why "you're so smart" creates fragile achievement, not confidence

- The competence-confidence loop and how it actually works

- How rescuing steals the evidence kids need to believe in themselves

- The difference between borrowed belief (from you) and earned belief (from experience)

- Why affirmations without proof feel hollow

- What "stealing the struggle" actually means

A parent shares the realization: "I kept telling her she was capable, but I never let her prove it to herself."

If you're exhausted from constant encouragement that doesn't seem to land, this episode explains why competence—not compliments—is what builds real confidence.