Tom corners me after service bouncing on his feet like kid on Christmas morning. "Got amazing idea for VBS! Full theatrical production costumes sets choreography the whole thing! Been planning for weeks!"

Heart sinking through floor because his idea is actually creative and look at his face he's so excited and I have to somehow explain we have three hundred dollars twelve burnt out volunteers and two weeks.

Standing there frozen trying figure out how to not destroy this man's soul.

Used to just say yes. Every time. Couldn't handle disappointing people so would agree to literally anything then spend months having panic attacks trying make impossible things happen with nothing.

Or worse would go "oh that's interesting let's see" then avoid Tom for six weeks hoping he'd forget. Spoiler he never forgot. Just got more excited planning elaborate thing I already knew wouldn't happen.

Finally crashed and burned so hard last year had to learn that dishonest yes is way meaner than honest no.

But how do you actually say no without crushing someone?

Tried that stupid sandwich method. Compliment criticize compliment. "Tom you're so creative BUT we can't do this HOWEVER you're amazing!"

Tom later told me felt like I was talking to five year old. Like he couldn't handle truth so had to be coddled with fake praise.

He's grown man. Felt patronizing. Because it was.

Started just being real. "Tom love your creativity. Here's actual situation. Three hundred bucks. Twelve people who are already exhausted. Two weeks prep time. Does full theatrical production fit that?"

Let him do math himself instead treating him like can't handle reality.

Came back week later with scaled down version that actually worked. Better than original honestly because kids made their own costumes got way more invested.

What I should've been doing whole time is saying no to idea but yes to person. "Theatrical production won't work for VBS but drama activities during regular classes? That's perfect for your skills."

He's been running drama stuff ever since. Kids love it. He's happy. Nobody burned out trying pull off impossible thing.

Sometimes have to say "that sounds incredible but we genuinely don't have bandwidth for that right now" and just sit in uncomfortable silence while they process.

They're adults. Can handle truth about limitations better than being strung along with maybes.

For ministry leaders learning honest no beats dishonest yes, anyone tired of agreeing to everything then drowning, people discovering that clear boundaries actually help volunteers thrive instead of burn out.