
Why modern dating feels broken for men and women
In this deep conversation, host Justin sits down with Preston Smiles to explore why attraction is collapsing, why so many men feel stuck, and what it really takes to build a healthy relationship in today’s world. From parenting and porn to phones, dopamine and destiny, Preston breaks down the hidden forces shaping your love life and your sense of self.
You’ll hear Preston explain how well-meaning mothers, absent fathers, and church shame created a generation of men who look like adults but are stuck in emotional childhood. He shares why social media is a “weapon of mass distraction,” how it drains your capacity for authentic connection, and what has to change if you want to actually feel present with another human being.
Then the conversation gets practical. Preston walks through the four aspects of being human, why your nervous system matters more than mindset, and how “capacity” is the real game in money, dating, and marriage. He tells stories about going from broke at 33 to a multimillionaire, building a thriving marriage with four kids and why your environment and community are the “soil” that either grows you or slowly kills you.
If you’ve felt discouraged by dating, stuck in loops with the same kind of partner, or confused about what mature masculinity and femininity look like today, this episode gives you both language and tools to change your life from the inside out.
Timestamps:
01:30 – Well-meaning mothers, church shame and boys hiding their sexuality
04:50 – Smartphones, porn and the dopamine crash that kills real attraction
06:40 – The four aspects of being human and why “capacity” is everything
12:10 – “You can’t intervene in a world you can’t see” and how to start doing the real work
16:40 – The bike story, somatic capacity, and why you need embodied mentors
19:55 – From broke at 33 to multimillionaire by changing his environment and who he learned from
22:50 – Empty cups, self-sourcing, and why your partner will never fix your loneliness
27:40 – Destiny, desir,e and what “what you seek is seeking you” really means
33:50 – Single, frustrated, and dating “teachers” instead of partners
38:40 – Masculinity, men’s group,s and why your results come from the soil you’re planted in
45:20 – The one piece of advice Preston would give his younger self
Quote from Preston Smiles
“What you seek is seeking you, but it will only find the version of you that’s ready.”
Preston Smiles’ socials:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/prestonsmiles/
Tiktok: https://www.tiktok.com/@preston.smilesYoutube: https://www.youtube.com/c/questionswithPreston/videos
Website: https://prestonsmiles.com/
Follow The Luminist Podcast on social media for more updates and behind-the-scenes content:
Check our Website: https://luminism.foundation
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theluministpodcast
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@theluministpodcast
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/theluministpodcast