Thanksgiving looks like connection from the outside—the full table, the smell of sage and pie, the laughter that fills a familiar room. But beneath the warmth, many people feel a quiet unease they can’t quite name.

In this expanded Thanksgiving episode of The Psychology of Us, RJ Starr explores the hidden anxiety behind togetherness: the deep fatigue that comes from performing closeness rather than feeling it. Through family-systems theory, emotional fusion and differentiation, and the neuroscience of co-regulation, he unpacks why being with people isn’t the same as being attuned to them—and why the day meant to unite us often leaves us emptier.

You’ll hear how invisible family roles keep us acting out old scripts; how politeness and “keeping the peace” create cognitive dissonance; and how the pressure to feel grateful on command turns warmth into performance. Most importantly, you’ll learn practical ways to shift from expectation to appreciation—giving yourself permission, practicing presence, and expressing gratitude in ways that build real connection.

This is a reminder that Thanksgiving doesn’t require perfection. It only asks that we show up honestly, breathe through the tension, and see each other as human beings still trying, in our imperfect ways, to connect.

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