Brenda W. shares her experiences, focusing on how the effects of being an adult child of an alcoholic shaped her past relationships. She candidly describes how her upbringing led her to choose romantic partners who were not self-sufficient, as she subconsciously believed she had to be needed to feel valued.
Through Al-Anon and a journey of self-discovery, Brenda began to understand her ingrained behaviors, such as manipulating to meet emotional needs and building relationships on a shaky foundation of martyrdom and managing others. These realizations marked the beginning of her conscious effort to change her approach to dating and relationships.
A New Perspective on Relationships
Since joining Al-Anon, Brenda has learned the importance of selecting partners who are emotionally available and align with her values and goals. The program taught her self-awareness and encouraged a deeper understanding of her needs, allowing her to build healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
Brenda also highlighted the role sponsorship plays in her recovery journey. Her sponsor, a consistent and reliable presence, has been instrumental in teaching Brenda how to trust and communicate openly—skills that she can transfer to her romantic relationships.
The Role of Boundaries and Trust
In recovery, Brenda has learned to establish and enforce boundaries, recognizing when situations make her uncomfortable and learning to communicate her needs assertively. Her experiences with her sponsor have shown her that assertive communication and trusting relationships can coexist, helping her to build healthier dynamics in her personal life.
Continuing the Journey of Learning
Brenda acknowledges that her journey is ongoing, with continued growth in navigating vulnerable conversations and setting boundaries. She points out that learning to ask for help and assistance is a significant part of her recovery process.
Insights and Reflections
The episode concludes with insights and experiences shared by listeners. Marcy, an Al-Anon member, recounts her journey of finding self-identity and prioritizing her own recovery before jumping into a relationship. Another listener emphasizes the importance of taking time to heal and understanding oneself before entering new relationships.
In summary, “Dating in Recovery” looks at some of the intricacies of dating while in recovery, highlighting the transformative power of self-awareness, trust, and community support in building healthier relationships. We recognize that recovery is a continuous, evolving journey that can profoundly impact personal relationships.
Readings and Links
We read from
Courage to Change, p. 363, Dec. 28
Upcoming topics
An upcoming topic is Tradition 1, Our common welfare should come first; personal progress for the greatest number depends upon unity. What is “common welfare” for you? Not just in Al-Anon, but in your family or workplace? How does unity support this? Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email
feedback@therecovery.show with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here.
Transcript
Intro
[00:00:01] Brenda W: After coming to Al-Anon and realizing that I don't have to continue the same patterns, I started looking for people that had actual compatibility with me and with m...
