If you’ve read my previous post, on how to create boundaries in relationships then you may be wondering now that you know what your personal limits are, how do you express to others your newfound limits and boundaries?    I want to preface this by saying if this is new for you or if you’ve had loose boundaries before with others it is completely normal to be nervous and maybe even a little doubtful about not only creating boundaries but enforcing them as well. Think about it, if you've spent a large majority of your time letting people do and say what they want, of course, it would be difficult to change the habit and dynamic.   With that being said now that you have created your new limits how do you enforce them with others?    As a preliminary step, I want you to get real with yourself about what you hope to gain by building stronger boundaries. Are you hoping for greater self-respect and peace, stronger relationships, balance in relationships, and pride in yourself by standing up for yourself? Don’t skip this step because it is essential. How will your life and the way you feel about yourself be different? How will your relationships be different? Ok, got it? Good, now on to how do you enforce boundaries with those around you?   Ok, the first thing to remember is that your boundaries are about YOU your limits, and what you feel comfortable with. They are the things you want to put in place to not only take care of yourself but also get your needs met. When verbally expressing them to others they should be stated calmly, short and simple. Keep in mind that this is not a debate with the other person or a compromise of what they think your limits should be. They simply are your limits and what you need. With that being said, here are a few examples of how you can enforce your boundaries with others.    Scenario: A family member calls you during work hours when you are unavailable. Your need: Minimal personal interruptions during work hours Boundary: “Hey, I’m not available between 9am-5pm during the week, I’ll call you when I get off work”   Scenario: A friend is consistently late when you have dinner dates  Your need: Your time to be taken into consideration, your friend to arrive on the agreed upon time or them to communicate when they will be late  Boundary: “Hey, I’ve noticed you’ve run late for a few of our dinners. Can you let me know when you’ll be late?”    Scenario: A co-worker is inquiring about your salary Your need: You want to keep your finances personal Boundary: “Hey, I don’t discuss my finances at work”.   The first thing I want you to realize, from PsychCentral, is that this is not to tell people that they are wrong, bad or what they should do. This is a statement of what you will do, what you want, and how you will behave if this person behaves a certain way. Remember the only person you can control is yourself. You are not responsible for anyone else's actions or their response to your boundary.  Also, their response has nothing to do with you.  Consequences   Alright, now let's say you’ve set the boundary, made your intentions clear, and what you want. After you’ve clearly and calmly expressed what you want if others continue to disregard your needs, then your next step is action. As I've mentioned before, the only person you can control is yourself. Which leads me to consequences. If this person continues to push or not respect the limits that you’ve created, what will be the consequence? That could look like a number of things. That could mean you no longer answer their calls(in the case of telling others you are unavailable), locking your office door, or putting a do not disturb note on your door(to prevent interruptions), it could be disengagement and letting the other person know you can continue when calm(in the case of someone speaking to you in a manner that makes you feel icky), or flat out ending or limiting contact in cases where your boundaries continue to be disregarded. Whether y