The Spy Who Monitored Me - Ofcom's VPN Surveillance Farce Episode Information Episode Title: The Spy Who Monitored Me: Ofcom's VPN Surveillance FarceEpisode Number: Hot TakeRelease Date: 11 November 2025Duration: Approximately 18 minuteHosts: Mauven MacLeod & Graham FalknerFormat: Research segment with heavy sarcasm Episode Description Ofcom's monitoring VPNs with a secret AI tool they refuse to name. Because nothing says "liberal democracy" quite like government surveillance of privacy tools. In this punchy episode, Mauven and Graham dissect TechRadar's exclusive revelation that Ofcom is using an unnamed third-party AI monitoring system to track VPN usage following the Online Safety Act. With 1.5 million daily users allegedly bypassing age verification, the UK's communications regulator has decided the solution is... monitoring everyone. Spoiler alert: the technology can't distinguish between your accounting manager accessing company systems and someone bypassing age checks. But why let technical limitations get in the way of a good surveillance programme? We examine the mysterious, unnamed AI tool, the questionable 1.5 million user statistic that appears nowhere in official documents, Section 121's encryption-breaking powers that remain dormant in the Act, and what this means for small businesses using VPNs for legitimate security purposes. If you've ever wondered what it's like when a supposedly liberal democracy starts copying China's approach to internet regulation, this episode is your depressing guide. Key Topics Covered The Surveillance Revelation Ofcom confirms use of unnamed third-party AI monitoring tool TechRadar exclusive: "We use a leading third-party provider" with zero transparency Government surveillance of privacy tools sets a dangerous precedent Comparison to authoritarian regimes (China, Russia, UAE, Iran) The Numbers That Don't Add Up 1.5 million daily VPN users claim appears nowhere in official Ofcom documents No published methodology or verification VPN detection cannot determine the intent or legitimacy of use Analytics show VPN use is lower in countries with greater online freedom What Actually Happened on July 25th The UK Online Safety Act child safety duties became fully enforceable Mandatory "highly effective age assurance" replaced simple checkbox verification Proton VPN: 1,400% surge in UK signups within hours NordVPN: 1,000% increase in downloads ProtonVPN beat ChatGPT to become the #1 free app on Apple UK App Store The Small Business Nightmare Business VPNs are essential security hygiene for remote work Ofcom's monitoring cannot distinguish legitimate business use from circumvention Undisclosed data collection creates unknowable privacy risks GDPR compliance implications when the government monitors your security tools Section 121: The Spy Clause Powers to require client-side scanning of encrypted communications Government promises not to use "until technically feasible" Cryptography experts: impossible without destroying encryption Apple shelved similar plans in 2021 Signal and WhatsApp threatened to leave the UK market The Authoritarian Playbook in Action Scope creep within days: blocking parliamentary speeches, news coverage, forums A cycling forum shut down due to compliance costs Small platforms are closing rather than face a compliance nightmare Chilling effect on legitimate content and discussion International Surveillance Creep 25 US states passed similar age verification laws EU debating Chat Control (mandatory encrypted message scanning) Australia is implementing age verification for search engines Legislative arms race using "protecting children" as a universal justification What Small Business Owners Must Do Document all VPN usage for legitimate business purposes Maintain VPN security protocols despite surveillance theatre Get legal advice if operating any platform with user-generated content Fines up to £18 million or 10% of global revenue Criminal l