Today’s Update Journal is brought to you by the three stages of emotional processing: grief, disbelief, and nostalgic reflection. We begin with grief, as Edwin Díaz packs his trumpets and heads for Dodger Stadium—because apparently the winter meetings weren’t chaotic enough without Mets fans curled on the floor whispering “all good things must come to an end” like it’s Shakespeare in Queens. Then comes disbelief, as we reopen the case file on Home Alone 2 and ask the only question OSHA, the NYPD, and literally every medical professional should’ve asked in 1992: How are the Wet Bandits still alive? Four bricks. A nail gun. A two-story fall. At this point, Marv and Harry aren’t criminals—they’re immortal beings who accidentally wandered into a Christmas movie. And finally, reflection, as Brandon’s Take explores the gentle truth that Christmas traditions evolve as we grow… sometimes because life shifts, sometimes because the world changes… and sometimes because our backs hurt now.

In the headlines on #TheUpdate this Wednesday, a massive blaze engulfed an Upper West Side apartment building— as raging flames and plumes of smoke poured from the roof and out of windows.

Another round of bone-chilling air from the polar vortex could invade the central and northeastern US this weekend and potentially produce the first significant snowstorm of the season for the Interstate 95 corridor if this cold air meets up with moisture that is expected to race across the country.

And rejoice, New Year’s dieters: Oreos are getting a sugar-free option. Mondelez said that Oreo Zero Sugar and Oreo Double Stuf Zero Sugar will go on sale in the U.S. in January. They’re a permanent addition to the company’s Oreo lineup.