In this episode of Wired for Well-Being, Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein explores why intimacy can begin to feel threatening even when we deeply want connection. Through a listener question from a man with a history of childhood neglect and abuse, Jeffrey examines how the nervous system—not conscious intention—drives patterns of withdrawal, avoidance, and emotional shutdown in relationships. He unpacks the hidden role of shame, why insight alone doesn’t create change, and how learning to work with the body and nervous system opens new possibilities for safety, closeness, and repair. As Jeffrey shares, avoidance isn’t a failure—it’s a survival strategy—and healing begins when we learn to work with our nervous system rather than against it.