In Part 3 of Upaya’s Love and Death program, Frank Ostaseski and Roshi Joan Halifax explore the tension between belonging and accommodation. Through personal stories of illness, recovery, and care, they show how dignity in receiving and offering support deepens our understanding of love. Frank distinguishes authentic belonging—our birthright of interconnection—from the self-abandonment of accommodation, revealing how the effort to “fit in” erodes love and freedom. Echoing Brené Brown’s insight that “the opposite of belonging is fitting in,” participants reflected on patterns of accommodation in their own lives and envisioned who they might be without them—“authentic,” “fierce,” “free.” Teachings on loneliness vs. aloneness, radical acceptance, and the “sovereignty of solitude” underscored that love cannot flourish when we reject parts of ourselves. The session closed with Marie Howe’s Singularity, affirming our original belonging to all that is.
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