Attraction isn’t a light switch you either feel or you don’t. In this conversation, Jax sits down with life coach and longtime creator Amy Young to unpack the messy, nuanced reality of attraction, intimacy, and modern relationships. They explore how attraction often unfolds as a gradual deepening—not just an instant spark—and how our internal world quietly shapes who we are drawn to, over and over again.
Amy shares her journey from comedian and performer in New York City to becoming a leading voice in women’s dating and relationship coaching. What began as a creative YouTube outlet in 2012 eventually turned into a platform for female empowerment, emotional healing, and honest conversations about love, expectations, and self-worth. Along the way, she realized that many women, despite being smart, capable, and “a catch,” kept finding themselves in the same relationship patterns with different faces—and she was no exception.
Together, Jax and Amy dive into the idea that attraction is not binary. Amy explains why the “instant electric jolt” we’re conditioned to chase can actually be a red flag, especially if your past relationships have felt chaotic, anxious, or like a constant emotional roller coaster. Instead, she introduces the concept of a slow-burn, “dimmer switch” attraction—one that deepens through emotional connection, safety, and consistency over time. For women who say, “I’m just not attracted to the healthy guys,” this part of the conversation is especially eye-opening.
The episode also explores how our external relationship patterns mirror our internal wounds. Jax and Amy discuss how unresolved hurt, mistrust, and old stories about men and relationships can keep you stuck attracting emotionally unavailable partners or narcissistic dynamics—even if you consciously want something different. Rather than shaming this, Amy frames it as a liberating realization: if you’re the common denominator, you’re also the one with the power to change the pattern. When your emotional world shifts, your relationship reality shifts with it.