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Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ashleigh Butterss
156 episodes
6 days ago
In a world full of social media promoting "perfect lives", many of us are afraid to show our true authentic selves. The good, the bad and the ugly. Behind the Smile with Ash Butterss is a podcast that aims to reveal the truth that lies behind the masks we wear. After making the decision to get sober in 2020, Ash set out on a mission, quitting her corporate job and diving deeply into the world of self-development and recovery. Her mission is to smash through the stereotype that surrounds mental health, trauma and addition, to help people live a fulfilled life connected to their purpose.
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Mental Health
Health & Fitness
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All content for Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss is the property of Ashleigh Butterss and is served directly from their servers with no modification, redirects, or rehosting. The podcast is not affiliated with or endorsed by Podjoint in any way.
In a world full of social media promoting "perfect lives", many of us are afraid to show our true authentic selves. The good, the bad and the ugly. Behind the Smile with Ash Butterss is a podcast that aims to reveal the truth that lies behind the masks we wear. After making the decision to get sober in 2020, Ash set out on a mission, quitting her corporate job and diving deeply into the world of self-development and recovery. Her mission is to smash through the stereotype that surrounds mental health, trauma and addition, to help people live a fulfilled life connected to their purpose.
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Mental Health
Health & Fitness
Episodes (20/156)
Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep. 156 How to Make 2026 Your Best Year Yet, with Holistic Psychologist Laura Corcoran

To kick off the new year, Ash sits down with holistic psychologist Laura Corcoran for a soulful and grounded conversation about how to truly create a powerful year ahead.


Together, they explore the practice of letting go, not as something you think your way through, but as something you feel, embody, and live. They speak candidly about surrender, emotional release, and the subtle moments where growth asks you to slow down, soften, and trust yourself more deeply. Woven throughout is the importance of authenticity and the role of community in supporting real, lasting change.


As they reflect on the year that’s been and turn their attention toward what’s possible next, Ash and Laura invite you to reconsider what it means to thrive. Less hustle, more presence. Less force, more space. A year shaped by rest, reflection, and joy, rather than pressure or perfection.


The episode closes with an exciting announcement about The Embodied Woman, their upcoming retreat created for women who are ready to reconnect with their bodies, reclaim their worth, and step into the next chapter feeling grounded, supported, and deeply embodied.


Episode Chapters:

00:00 New Beginnings: Embracing 2026

01:38 Letting Go: The Journey of Self-Discovery

04:29 The Power of Surrender: Trusting the Process

09:54 Finding Strength Within: The Role of Emotional Release

14:30 The Simplicity of Self-Connection: Embracing Stillness

18:57 Redefining Success: From External Validation to Inner Peace

23:22 The Importance of Community: Navigating Transformation Together

26:26 Embracing Self-Worth and Authenticity

27:20 Breaking Free from Co-dependency

29:56 The Power of Presence and Self-Expression

31:21 Navigating Loneliness and Connection

35:30 The Journey of Self-Discovery and Embodiment

37:27 Setting Intentions for 2026

43:11 The Embodied Woman Retreat

49:39 Taking Action Towards Change

You can connect with Laura on her IG @hersuccessfulmind 


Upcoming Workshops:

A Return To You | One Day Retreat 

Sunday 22nd February, 2026

Tickets available here. 

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!

The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 

Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026


Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!


Show more...
1 week ago
55 minutes 17 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 155. The Raw Reality of Recovery, Relapse and Rebuilding with Gabby Williamson (Part Two)

In part two of this conversation, Gabby opens up about what happened after her first attempt at recovery, when alcohol crept back in and the old patterns she thought she’d left behind began to resurface in new, painful ways.


She speaks honestly about the experience of being a “dry drunk,” white-knuckling her way through sobriety without true emotional healing, and how that disconnection eventually led her back to party drugs and an inevitable rock bottom. Through raw reflection, Gabby unpacks the misconceptions she once held about addiction and sobriety, the fear that kept her stuck, and the moment she finally became willing to seek deeper help.


She explores the ongoing nature of recovery: the reality of relapse, the weight of unaddressed trauma, and the mental health struggles that don’t magically disappear when the substances do. Ash and Gabby talk about the power of community, the safety of honest relationships, and the courage it takes to let others in when shame is loud. At the heart of this episode is a message of hope, about the transformative role of gratitude, self-awareness, and self-care in building a life that is not just sober, but genuinely connected and worth staying for.


Episode Chapters:

00:00 Introduction and Trigger Warning

01:00 First Round of Recovery: A Journey Begins

05:51 The Struggle with Alcohol and Denial

09:59 The Dry Drunk Experience

14:01 Revisiting Old Habits: The Return of Party Drugs

19:53 Rock Bottom: A Descent into Darkness

28:16 Facing Fear and Seeking Help

31:42 The Journey to Rehab

32:39 Discovering Community in Recovery

35:40 Relapse and Realizations

38:17 Understanding Rock Bottom

41:54 Navigating Mental Health in Recovery

45:49 Exploring CPTSD and Healing

51:53 Finding Balance in Recovery

57:24 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life


Connect with Gabby: 

IG: @bellylaughsbrutalhonesty and @gabriellesiobhan 

Podcast: Belly Laughs and Brutal Honesty 

Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


Upcoming Workshops:

A Return To You | One Day Retreat 

Sunday 22nd February, 2026

Tickets available here. 

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!

The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 

Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026


Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!


Support Services

If this conversation has brought anything up for you, please know you don’t have to go through it alone. Support is always available. You can reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support, Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 for mental health support and guidance, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 for free counselling.

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1 week ago
1 hour 23 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 154. The Raw Reality of Recovery, Relapse and Rebuilding with Gabby Williamson (Part One)

In this two-part episode, I sit down with my close friend Gabby Williamson to lift the lid on the reality of living life in recovery. In part one of this conversation we talk about how, in her mid thirties, Gabby had everything that was supposed to add up to a good life - an impressive marketing career, a busy social calendar, and a carefully curated image. Behind the scenes, though, she was unraveling, using substances to cope with unresolved pain, mounting pressure, and a growing sense of disconnection from herself.


Gabby shares the story of what happened when her life finally collided with the truth. She talks about hitting rock bottom and entering rehab at 39, and how that experience became the doorway to resilience, gratitude, and a completely new way of living. Her journey stretches back to childhood challenges, early substance use, and the impact of boarding school on her sense of identity, tracing how those early wounds shaped the choices she made in adulthood.


Ash and Gabby explore the realities of navigating concerts, parties, and dating in recovery, and what it means to show up to those spaces without the old crutches. Gabby reflects on past relationships, the societal expectations that kept her performing a role, and the ongoing work of embracing her authentic self. She also speaks about motherhood, the weight of her decisions, and the profound growth that comes with redefining love, intimacy, and connection through a sober lens.


Episode Chapters:

00:00 Introduction and Background

02:55 Life in Recovery and Daily Routines

05:53 Navigating Social Situations in Sobriety

08:58 Experiences at Concerts and Events

11:58 Reflections on Past Relationships and Self-Perception

15:06 The Impact of Substance Abuse on Life

18:12 The Role of Gratitude in Recovery

20:51 Hiding Behind a Smile: Personal Struggles

23:48 Childhood and Early Exposure to Substance Use

37:31 Childhood Trauma and Early Coping Mechanisms

40:31 The Impact of Boarding School on Identity

46:32 Escalation of Substance Use in Adolescence

51:29 Navigating Relationships and Emotional Connections

01:00:06 Reflections on Motherhood and Personal Choices

01:06:32 Dating in Recovery and Redefining Relationships


Connect with Gabby: 

IG: @bellylaughsbrutalhonesty and @gabriellesiobhan 

Podcast: Belly Laughs and Brutal Honesty 


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


Upcoming Workshops:

A Return To You | One Day Retreat 

Sunday 22nd February, 2026

Tickets available here. 

Join Ash on retreat in 2026!

The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 

Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026

Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!


Support Services

If this conversation has brought anything up for you, please know you don’t have to go through it alone. Support is always available. You can reach out to Lifeline on 13 11 14 for 24/7 crisis support, Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 for mental health support and guidance, or the Suicide Call Back Service on 1300 659 467 for free counselling.

Show more...
2 weeks ago
1 hour 16 minutes 32 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 153. How Your Energy Shapes Your Life and Protecting Your Peace, with Rod Butterss

Back by popular demand, this father daughter episode brings the conversation close to home, as Ash sits down with her dad, Rod, to explore what it truly means to grow, heal, and live with intention. Together, they reflect on how energy, consciousness, and the way we choose to see the world can shape the course of a life far more than circumstance ever could.


Together, Ash and Rod dive into the practices that have supported their own journeys, including gratitude and meditation, and how these tools have helped them navigate relationships, soften old patterns, and find a deeper sense of peace beneath ambition and material success. They speak honestly about the complexities of family dynamics, the tension between chasing more and being enough, and the ongoing work of aligning how you live with what really matters.


With the holiday season looming, their conversation turns to the emotional weight that Christmas can carry, especially for those in recovery or struggling behind the scenes. They share gentle, practical insights on protecting your energy, setting boundaries, and meeting yourself with compassion during a time that can feel anything but festive. At its heart, this episode is an invitation to slow down, look within, and choose kindness, to yourself and others, as a daily, deliberate practice.


Episode Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to the Holistic Retreat

00:45 Exploring Personal Growth and Energy

03:19 The Power of Ho'oponopono and Forgiveness

06:17 Understanding Consciousness and Energy Frequencies

08:53 Navigating Relationships and Personal Growth

11:39 The Role of Gratitude in Healing

14:29 Reflections on Materialism and Happiness

18:03 Ambition vs. Inner Peace

21:53 The Importance of Self-Awareness

24:45 Christmas and Family Dynamics

27:25 Coping with Holiday Stress and Expectations

30:03 Navigating Sober Holidays

34:06 Finding Peace in Family Gatherings

36:42 The Shift from Materialism to Experiences

39:42 The Importance of Kindness and Connection

42:28 Final Thoughts and Non-Negotiables for Happiness


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


Upcoming Workshops:

A Return To You | One Day Retreat 

Sunday 22nd February, 2026

Tickets available here. 


Join Ash on retreat in 2026!

The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 

Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026


Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!


Show more...
3 weeks ago
1 hour 7 minutes 43 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 152. Surviving the Silly Season Sober (and enjoying it!) with Abby Calabrese

In the heart of New York City, Abby Calabrese was living the dream on paper but the reality was she was quietly unravelling behind the scenes. Long days, late nights, and a culture steeped in drinking turned alcohol into her go-to coping mechanism, even as the cost to her wellbeing grew harder to ignore.


In this episode, Abby shares how walking away from alcohol became the catalyst for a complete identity shift and the creation of Alcohol Free Rebellion, a movement dedicated to helping others question the role alcohol plays in their lives. Ash and Abby dive into the awkwardness of social events without a drink in hand, the emotional honesty that sobriety demands, and how choosing not to numb out can radically transform relationships and self-worth.

Abby offers practical guidance for facing triggers, especially during the holidays, while staying anchored in intention, community, and self-compassion. She speaks to the power of mindfulness in strengthening intuition and making choices that truly align with who you are. At the heart of her story are the non-negotiables she now lives by: authenticity, emotional awareness, and unwavering self-care as the foundation of a full, meaningful, alcohol-free life.


Episode Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Abby Calabrese and Her Journey

02:53 Navigating Life After Alcohol

05:45 The Challenge of Socializing Sober

08:29 Understanding Emotions and Feelings

11:34 Shifting Perspectives on Life

14:20 The Impact of Alcohol on Relationships

17:25 Hiding Behind a Smile: Abby's Photo Story

20:02 Recognizing Rock Bottoms and Justifications

22:48 The Roots of Abby's Drinking History

24:19 The Role of Alcohol in Socialization

29:29 Recognizing the Problem

32:21 The Turning Point

37:24 The Challenge of Sobriety

38:44 Shame and Stigma in Motherhood

43:59 Transforming Relationships in Sobriety

45:46 Embracing Authenticity in Relationships

47:22 Navigating Sobriety During the Holidays

49:16 Practical Tips for Alcohol-Free Celebrations

53:40 Listening to Your Intuition

56:50 Cultivating Mindfulness and Self-Awareness

01:02:36 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


Upcoming Workshops:

The Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026

Tickets available here. 

A Return To You | One Day Retreat 

Sunday 22nd February, 2026

Tickets available here. 


Join Ash on retreat in 2026!

The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 

Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026


Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!


Show more...
1 month ago
1 hour 6 minutes 47 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 151. From the Streets of London to a Quiet Sober Life, with Damo H

Growing up on the streets of London, Damo H learned at an early age how to outrun pain, but it always caught up. In this candid and moving episode, Damo traces his journey through childhood trauma, the shadow of addiction, and the relentless pursuit of healing.

He recounts how alcohol first became his refuge, how physical injury and prescription medication complicated his path, and how new beginnings in Australia brought a new set of challenges. The rock bottoms came again and again, each one forcing him to confront the reality of his disease.

Through service, community, and the support of a 12-step program, Damo found answers that went deeper than sobriety. He shares how recovery reshaped his family, revived his passion for photography, and gave him a sense of purpose. With honesty and hope, Damo reveals what it means to rebuild life from the ground up, and how after years of struggle, he’s learning to embrace happiness, gratitude, and authentic connection.

Episode Chapters:

00:00 Introduction and Letting Go Ritual

00:51 Meet Damo H: A Journey Begins

02:57 Daily Life and Recovery Practices

05:59 The Role of Service in Recovery

08:47 Childhood and Family Dynamics

12:01 The First Drink: A Turning Point

14:55 Growing Up in London: The Streets and Gangs

18:11 The Impact of Alcoholism on Relationships

20:50 Moving to Australia: New Beginnings

24:09 Career and Alcoholism: A Fragile Balance

27:08 Rehab and the Road to Sobriety

30:00 Family Tragedies and Resilience

32:04 Reflections on Sobriety and Happiness

36:24 The Slippery Slope of Addiction

39:54 The Return to Alcohol

46:11 Rock Bottoms and Revelations

50:40 A New Approach to Sobriety

01:01:30 Building a New Life in Sobriety

01:07:20 Non-Negotiables for a Happy Life


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


Upcoming Workshops:

The Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026

Tickets available here. 


A Return To You | One Day Retreat 

Sunday 22nd February, 2026

Tickets available here. 


Join Ash on retreat in 2026!

The Embodied Woman Retreat | Gold Coast | May 2026 

Rest and Renew Holistic Retreat in Bali | August 2026


Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!


Show more...
1 month ago
1 hour 9 minutes 13 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 150. The Real Reason You Don’t Feel Enough: How Facing Your Inner Critic Is the Key to Self Acceptance, with Ash Butterss

In this milestone 150th episode of Behind The Smile, Ash dives into a deeply personal conversation about healing, self perception, and the ever evolving journey of coming home to yourself. She unpacks the relationship between the inner critic, body image, and the way we move through the world, both physically and emotionally.

Through honest reflection and lived experience, Ash explores the quiet conditions we place on our own worth and the tender work of learning to accept ourselves as we are, not as we think we should be. This episode is an invitation to look beneath the surface, to recognise how far you have already come, and to remember that growth is not a finish line, it is a lifelong practice.

If you have ever battled your inner critic, questioned your worth, or felt the pull to redefine your relationship with yourself, this one will meet you right where you are.


Follow and connect with Ash on:

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


The Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026

Tuesday 30th December, 2025

Tickets available here.


A Return To You | One Day Retreat

Sunday 22nd February, 2026

Tickets available here.


The Embodied Woman Retreat - Gold Coast Hinterland

May 14th - 17th, 2026 (3 nights, 4 days)

All the details here.


Join Ash on retreat in Bali in 2026! Rest & Renew Holistic Bali Retreat

August 17th - 21st, 2026 (4 nights, 5 days)

Click here for all the details!


Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

Show more...
1 month ago
52 minutes 48 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 149. The Shame That Nearly Broke Her Became Her Purpose, with Sober Coach Shannon Leigh Mccabe

For Shannon McCabe, hitting rock bottom became the beginning of everything. Once living a life that looked “fine” on the outside yet was quietly ruled by addiction, Shannon, a sober coach and transformation mentor, opens up about the raw truth of her journey through alcohol dependency and the deep healing that followed.


In this powerful conversation, Ash and Shannon explore the emotional unraveling that precedes real change, the spiritual awakening that came through surrender, and the daily rituals that now anchor her sobriety. Shannon speaks honestly about motherhood and the challenges that come with caring for a child with special needs. The shame she battled on a daily basis through her addiction. Rediscovering self-worth, and showing how setting boundaries and embracing community became her path to peace.


This episode is a reminder that recovery isn’t about who you were, it’s about who you’re becoming.


Episode chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Shannon's Journey

02:05 A Day in the Life of a Sober Mom

04:48 The Importance of Morning Routines

06:50 Devotional Practices and Spirituality

13:46 Behind the Smile: A Photo Reflection

21:40 The Progression of Alcohol Use

31:41 Moments of Clarity and Rock Bottoms

37:43 The All-or-Nothing Mindset

44:45 Non-Negotiables for a Sober Life

53:19 Navigating Relapses and Setbacks

58:42 Living Authentically and Free


You can connect with Shannon using the links below:

Website: www.shannonleighmccabe.com

IG @shannonleighmccabe


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


The Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026

Tickets available here. 


Join Ash on retreat in Bali in  2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026. 


Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!


Show more...
1 month ago
1 hour 2 minutes 39 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 148. Beyond Codependency: The Truth About Self-Worth and Healing with Psychotherapist Jackson Goding

What happens when self-worth becomes the missing piece in healing? In this episode, Ash sits down with Trauma Specialist and Psychotherapist, Jackson Goding, for a raw and thought-provoking conversation about what it really takes to recover, grow, and build authentic connection.


Jackson opens up about his own journey through codependency, the reality of doing deep trauma work, and why self-worth sits at the heart of true healing. Together, they explore the often messy path of relationships, meditation, and emotional regulation, unravelling why personal growth is rarely linear and almost never easy.


This episode goes far beyond the surface of “self-care.” It’s about courage, consistency, and the daily non-negotiables that help us return to ourselves again and again. Expect honesty, humour, and plenty of takeaways to help you nurture your own sense of worth and connection.


Episode chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Jackson Goding and His Work

02:45 Living in Sydney and Future Plans

05:33 Daily Life and Mindfulness Practices

08:31 The Challenge of Powerlessness and Surrender

11:14 Meditation: The Struggle and Its Importance

14:04 Hiding Behind a Smile: Personal Struggles

17:00 Relationships as Mirrors for Personal Growth

19:40 The Complexity of Relationships and Recovery

22:21 The Journey to Becoming a Therapist

24:59 Core Beliefs and Their Impact on Identity

31:02 Navigating Shame and Self-Worth

31:46 Understanding Triggers and Responses

33:07 Effective Communication in Relationships

35:06 The Impact of Past Experiences

36:53 Identifying and Expressing Needs

39:59 The Importance of Boundaries

41:36 Self-Accountability and Inner Child Work

44:24 Defining Codependency

48:10 The Challenges of Recovery from Codependency

52:57 Staying Accountable in Relationships

56:12 Establishing Non-Negotiables for Self-Care

01:02:26 Finding Balance in Relationships


You can connect with Jackson via the below channels:

It Ends With Us Retreat:  https://findreasontherapy.com.au/it-ends-with-us/ 


IG @findreasontherapy  https://www.instagram.com/findreasontherapy/ 


Before you do more work:  https://app.heartbeat.chat/findreason/courses/c/e7acf2c4-df05-4546-8b6c-092d8363fa2a


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


The Letting Go Ritual: Breathwork, Yin, and Intention Setting for 2026

Tickets available here. 


Join Ash on retreat in Bali in  2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026


Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

Show more...
2 months ago
1 hour 6 minutes 50 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 147. Paralyzed at 21: Rhiannon Tracey on Hope and Defying the Impossible

One moment changed everything for Rhiannon Tracey, but it didn’t define her spirit. In this heartfelt conversation, the motivational speaker, TEDx presenter, and wellness advocate opens up about the accident that left her with a spinal cord injury and the extraordinary journey that followed.


Rhiannon shares how she transformed tragedy into purpose, from the early days of relearning life’s simplest tasks to founding a not-for-profit dedicated to helping others do the same. Along the way, she discovered the healing power of community, self-love, and joy in the smallest moments.


With honesty and warmth, she reflects on the boundaries she’s learned to set, the intuition she’s learned to trust, and the unconditional love of her pets that carried her through. Her story is a moving reminder that freedom doesn’t come from circumstance, it comes from choosing to live with hope, gratitude, and authenticity.


The episode highlights are:

00:00 Introduction to Resilience and Transformation

01:55 Daily Life and Joys of Rhiannon

05:11 Hiding Behind a Smile: A Photo Reflection

22:53 The Day That Changed Everything: Rhiannon's Accident

26:43 Resilience Through Adversity

29:52 Finding Hope in Trauma

37:30 The Role of Hope in Recovery

47:33 Creating a Community for Healing

50:12 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life


You can connect with Rhiannon using the links below:

  • Website: www.rhiannontracey.com.au

  • The Next Step Recovery & Wellness Centre: www.thenextstepsci.org.au

  • Instagram: @rhiannontraceymywheellife | @our_little_urban_homestead | @thenextstepscirecovery

  • Email: rhiannontraceymywheellife@gmail.com


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


Join Ash on retreat in Bali in  2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026. 

 

Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!


Show more...
2 months ago
54 minutes 43 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 146. Haunted by the Badge: Jay Prothero’s Battle with PTSD and Redemption

After decades on the front line, retired police officer Jay Prothero found himself fighting a different kind of battle—the one inside his own mind. In this raw and powerful conversation, Jay opens up about the toll that years of trauma, high pressure, and suppressed emotion took on his mental health.


He shares how anxiety, depression, and PTSD slowly crept in, and how alcohol became his escape from the pain he didn’t know how to face. But Jay’s story goes far deeper than his time in uniform. It’s also about the heartbreak of watching his own child spiral into ice addiction, and the painful, messy road toward family healing.


Together, Ash and Jay unpack what it truly means to break the silence, to face yourself with honesty, and to rebuild a life grounded in authenticity, courage, and hope.


Episode chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Jay Prothero's Journey

04:14 The Power of Ice Baths and Breathwork

08:49 Hiding Behind a Smile: Jay's Struggles with Mental Health

17:35 The Impact of a Police Career on Mental Health

26:22 The Journey to Recovery: Jay's Path to Healing

35:13 Parenting Through Addiction: Jay's Experience with His Son

43:30 Living Authentically: Jay's Non-Negotiables for Happiness


You can connect with Jay through:

Instagram @freezeyourself_au @breathe_with_jay

 

Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


Join Ash on retreat in Bali in  2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026. 


Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

Show more...
2 months ago
55 minutes 41 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 145. Psychologist Dr. Julia Nicholls Opens Up About Her Personal Battle with Psychosis and Post-Natal Depression

Psychosis is one of the most misunderstood experiences in mental health, often clouded by fear, stigma, and silence. In this powerful episode, Ash sits down with clinical psychologist Dr. Julia Nicholls, who courageously shares her personal journey through postnatal depression and psychosis.


What makes Julia’s story so extraordinary is not just her vulnerability, but the fact that she’s a mental health professional who found herself on the other side of the system she once worked within. Together, Ash and Julia unpack the misconceptions surrounding psychosis, the shame that still shadows mental health struggles, and the raw reality of asking for help when you’re expected to have the answers.


Julia also opens up about the healing process of writing a memoir with her husband, revealing how storytelling and connection became powerful tools for recovery. This conversation is a reminder that even those who guide others through their darkest moments are not immune to them—and that speaking openly about our pain can be the very thing that sets us free.


Key Highlights:

  • The importance of taking time for self-care and rest.

  • Reflective practice is crucial for psychologists to maintain objectivity.

  • Hiding behind a smile is common among those struggling with mental health.

  • Early motherhood can be particularly challenging for mental health.

  • The inner critic can exacerbate feelings of inadequacy in new parents.

  • Mental health practitioners also need support and can face stigma.

  • Postnatal psychosis is often misunderstood and can manifest in various ways.

  • Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT) is a safe and effective treatment for severe depression.

  • Open communication is essential for healing in relationships affected by mental health issues.

  • Seeking help is vital, and there are many resources available.


Episode chapters:

[00:00] Introduction and Retreat Announcement

[03:15] Meet Dr. Julia Nicholls

[10:45] Understanding Postnatal Depression

[20:30] The Stigma of Mental Health in Professionals

[30:00] Exploring Psychosis and Misconceptions

[40:15] The Role of ECT in Recovery

[50:00] Healing and Open Communication

[60:00] Closing Thoughts and Resources


You can connect with Dr. Julia Nicholls using the links below:

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/julia-nicholls-105679a3

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drjulianicholls/

Website: https://drjulianicholls.com/


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


Join Ash on retreat in Bali in  2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026. 


Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

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2 months ago
56 minutes 13 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 144. How 14 Minutes Can Change Your Life, with Mental Health Advocate, Cooper Chapman

In this episode, Ash sits down with former pro surfer turned mental health trailblazer, Cooper Chapman, for a raw and inspiring conversation about purpose, mindset, and creating real change from the inside out.

After years chasing trophies and external success, Cooper realised the waves he truly needed to ride were the ones within. What followed was a powerful shift, one that led him to build The Good Human Factory and dedicate his life to helping others nurture their mental wellbeing.

Cooper opens up about what he’s learned along the way, from the quiet power of small daily habits to the freedom that comes when we stop seeking validation outside ourselves. He shares the story behind the 1% Good Club, a global movement encouraging people to spend just 14 minutes a day on gratitude, mindfulness, and self-reflection, because big change always starts small.

Together, Ash and Cooper explore the importance of community, balance, and practical self-care routines that actually stick. Cooper’s message is simple yet profound: mental health isn’t a destination, it’s a daily practice of showing up with compassion, curiosity, and consistency.


Key highlights include:

  • Cooper's journey from pro surfer to mental health advocate.
  • The importance of small, consistent actions for mental health.
  • The 1% Good Club encourages daily mental health practices.
  • External validation can impact mental wellbeing.
  • Community support enhances accountability in mental health.
  • Mindfulness and gratitude are key practices for mental health.
  • Mental health is a continuous journey, not a destination.
  • Finding balance in life is essential for wellbeing.
  • Nature and connection to the earth are vital for mental health.
  • It's okay to take a break and prioritise self-care.

Episode chapters:

00:00 Introduction to the Retreat and Guest

00:45 Cooper Chapman's Journey and Book Launch

01:54 The Impact of External Validation

06:40 Navigating Long-Distance Relationships

11:27 Finding Balance in Life and Work

13:32 Hiding Behind a Smile: Cooper's Struggles

19:32 Shifting Mindsets and Mental Health Advocacy

26:27 The Birth of the Good Human Factory

33:55 The 1% Good Club: A Community for Mental Health

38:52 Daily Practices for Mental Wellbeing

51:41 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life


You can connect with Cooper using the links below:

Instagram - @cooperchapman + @thegoodhumanfactory

Website - thegoodhumanfactory.com

1% Good Club Book - Buy Here!


Follow and connect with Ash on:

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


Join Ash on retreat in Bali in 2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026.


Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!


If you need support with your mental health, please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14. Or if you'd prefer to text lifeline, you can reach a support team member on 0477 13 11 14.

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2 months ago
1 hour 5 minutes 3 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 143. Healing as a Mother: Rebuilding Trust After Addiction and Starting Over with Jo Kinna

In this heartfelt episode, Ash is joined by breathwork facilitator and sober mum, Jo Kinna, for a powerful conversation about rebuilding life after addiction. Jo opens up about the deeply personal journey of repairing her relationship with her children, navigating the pain of divorce, and discovering her true purpose in the middle of life’s most challenging season.


Through honesty and vulnerability, she shares how breathwork, meditation, and community became essential tools in her healing and how they continue to support her sobriety today. Jo’s story is one of resilience, showing that even after years of struggle, it’s possible to create meaningful connection, inner peace, and a life aligned with your true self.


This episode shines a light on the courage it takes to start over, the strength found in repairing broken bonds, and the hope that comes when you embrace mid-life as a new beginning.


The episode highlights are:

00:00 Introduction to the Retreat and Podcast Themes

01:52 Jo's Journey: From Addiction to Recovery

06:27 Daily Practices: Meditation and Breathwork

11:03 Navigating Social Anxiety and Relationships

14:40 The Impact of Trauma on Addiction

18:29 The Cycle of Addiction: A Personal Story

23:00 Hitting Rock Bottom and Seeking Help

27:57 The Role of Community in Recovery

32:42 Life After Rehab: Challenges and Growth

37:25 Finding Purpose: Breathwork and Teaching

42:03 Future Aspirations and Continued Growth

46:32 Closing Thoughts and Non-Negotiables


Join Jo at her next event The Gift of Pause on November 12th at Merkabar Studio in Cheltenham - Event Details & Tickets Here! 


You can connect with Jo Kinna on Instagram here @beyondthewave__


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


Join Ash on retreat in Bali in  2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026. 
Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!

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3 months ago
1 hour 20 minutes 27 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 142. Why Outward Success Will Never Be Enough, with Nick Jonsson

In this episode, we’re joined by Nick Jonsson, a global keynote speaker and mental health advocate. Nick shares his inspiring journey from reaching the heights of corporate success to his journey of personal recovery, discussing the challenges of hitting rock bottom and getting sober, along with balancing travel, work, and family life. He opens up about his hidden struggles behind his smile, the isolation that comes with success, losing a close friend to suicide and the physical manifestations of stress. Nick emphasises the importance of surrendering to change, building connections, and sharing stories to combat loneliness. He also talks passionately about the role of fitness in his recovery. 


This episode offers a profound look at vulnerability, resilience, and the transformative power of connection in the pursuit of mental and emotional well-being.


The episode highlights are:

00:00 Introduction to Nick Jonsson's Journey

02:52 The Importance of Routine in Recovery

05:43 Behind the Smile: The Struggle with Executive Loneliness

08:25 The Downward Spiral: From Success to Isolation

11:31 The Roots of Anxious Overachievement

14:12 The Impact of Drinking Culture on Mental Health

16:57 Hitting Rock Bottom: The Psychosomatic Illness

19:55 The Turning Point: Finding Hope and Connection

23:44 The Power of Surrender

28:33 Building Connections in Recovery

30:24 Honoring Simon: A Catalyst for Change

35:35 Understanding Smiling Depression

39:09 The Journey of Self-Discovery

42:51 Encouraging Vulnerability in Men

46:37 Fitness as a Key to Recovery

49:03 Living Authentically: Non-Negotiables for Life


You can connect with Nick through:

  • LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/nick-jonsson

  • YouTube: www.youtube.com/c/NickJonsson

  • Instagram: www.instagram.com/jonssonnick

  • Facebook: https://web.facebook.com/jonsson.nick


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ @ashbutterss

Website⁠ www.ashbutterss.com


Join Ash on retreat in Bali in  2026! All the details can be found at https://www.ashbutterss.com/bali-retreat-2026. 

 

Watch Ash’s TEDx Talk here!


#behindthesmilewithashbutterss #recoveryjourney #lonliness #mentalhealthmatters #depression #resilience #breakthestigma #vulnerability #mensmentalhealth #recoveryispossible

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3 months ago
52 minutes 31 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 141. I’ve Been in a Dark Place: A Raw Reflection with Ash Butterss

In this raw and unfiltered solo episode, Ash opens up about what really happened after returning from a powerful retreat in Bali. She shares the unexpected crash that followed, the darkness she found herself sitting in, and how she’s been navigating waves of depression with honesty and self-compassion.


Ash talks about the messy reality of healing, the role of the nervous system in moments of struggle, and the surprising strength that comes from leaning on community. She doesn’t sugarcoat the hard parts, but instead shows how vulnerability, connection, and small acts of self-care can carry us through even the heaviest seasons.


If you’ve ever felt like you “should” be further along or questioned why things feel so hard after big breakthroughs, this episode will remind you that you’re not alone, and that the path to healing is never a straight line.


The episode highlights are:

00:00 Introduction to the Retreat and Podcast

01:38 Vulnerability and Personal Reflection

02:34 Post-Retreat Struggles and Burnout

05:24 Navigating Depression and Emotional Awareness

10:14 Finding Comfort in Nostalgia and Self-Care

14:22 Understanding Nervous System Regulation

17:47 The Importance of Emotional Processing

20:53 Self-Compassion and Authenticity

28:51 Insights from the Retreat Experience

33:20 Looking Ahead: Slowing Down and Self-Care


To access your free guided meditations, head to the Freebie Page on Ash’s website ⁠https://www.ashbutterss.com/free-resources⁠


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ 

⁠TikTok ⁠

Website⁠

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3 months ago
42 minutes 37 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 140. From Not Leaving the House to Living Fully: Justine Youl on Recovering from Addiction and Abuse

In this episode, Ash welcomes Justine Youl, who shares her remarkable journey of recovery and transformation after facing an abusive relationship, crippling addiction and debilitating mental health. At the peak of her alcoholism, Justine couldn’t even leave her house. Now, over three and a half years sober, Justine runs a thriving international business from her home in Bali, where she lives with her partner and three children. Justine describes the discipline of her morning routine, the importance of setting clear boundaries, and the life-changing effects of breathwork and meditation on her healing process.


Justine also bravely opens up about navigating grief, her spiritual journey, and how living with ADHD has shaped her perspective and daily life. Through her experiences, she embodies resilience and hope, demonstrating that it is possible to create a meaningful and joyful life after overcoming immense challenges.


This conversation is a powerful reminder of the strength found in self-discovery, the healing power of mindfulness, and the courage it takes to build a fulfilling life one day at a time.


Her story is one of resilience, hope, and the pursuit of a fulfilling life after overcoming significant obstacles.


The episode highlights are:

00:00 Introduction to Justine's Journey

02:54 Life in Bali: A New Beginning

05:41 Facing the Past: Sobriety and Family Dynamics

08:30 The Impact of Domestic Violence

11:30 The Descent into Addiction

14:24 Finding Recovery: The Path to Sobriety

17:10 Building a New Life: Parenting and Recovery

20:10 The Power of Morning Routines

22:54 Navigating Grief and Loss

25:54 Establishing Boundaries with Family

28:57 Spiritual Growth and Transformation

31:47 Breathwork and Meditation: Tools for Healing

34:35 The Role of ADHD in Daily Life

37:29 Cold Therapy and Its Benefits

40:19 The Journey of Faith: Baptism and Belief

43:03 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life


You can connect with Justine through:

Instagram: ⁠@jus_youl⁠

LinkedIn: ⁠Justine Youl⁠


To access your free guided meditations, head to the Freebie Page on Ash’s website.


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠⁠Instagram⁠⁠ 

⁠⁠TikTok ⁠⁠

⁠Website⁠ ⁠

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3 months ago
57 minutes 29 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 139. Choosing Life Over Alcohol: Chris Gimpel’s Honest Journey

In this episode, Ash is joined by Chris Gimpel, a passionate advocate for sobriety and mental health, who shares his courageous journey of overcoming alcohol dependence. Chris speaks candidly about the realities of living with addiction, the pivotal moment that inspired him to seek help, and the ongoing work required to maintain his recovery.

The conversation explores the essential role of community, the practice of self-compassion, and the process of rewiring the brain to establish healthier patterns and habits. Chris reflects on the non-negotiables that anchor his daily life, including prioritising rest, spending quality time with his dog, and finding purpose in supporting others on their own paths to healing.


This episode is a testament to the power of authenticity and connection, offering hope, practical insight, and inspiration for anyone navigating the challenges of recovery and self-discovery.


The episode highlights are:

00:00 Introduction to Chris Gimple and His Journey

06:18 The Role of Pets in Recovery

09:15 Life Before Sobriety: A Day in the Life

15:57 Understanding Alcohol Dependence

22:49 The Recovery Process: Challenges and Realizations

25:32 The Turning Point: A Moment of Honesty

26:53 Recognizing the Need for Change

28:04 Seeking Help and Support

29:25 The Role of Family and Self-Worth

30:45 Finding Motivation for Recovery

33:25 Relearning Emotions and Thoughts

36:45 Creating Healthy Patterns

37:08 Navigating Challenges in Sobriety

42:04 Embracing the Unknown

46:26 Choosing Your Hard

48:39 Living Authentically and Non-Negotiables


To access your free guided meditations, head to the Freebie Page on Ash’s website ⁠https://www.ashbutterss.com/free-resources⁠


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ 

⁠TikTok ⁠

Website⁠ 


You can connect with Chris through his Instagram: @gimpse 

4-Week Sober Challenge with Danni Carr 

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4 months ago
55 minutes 22 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 138. Not Letting Trauma Define You, with your Self-Love Bestie, Sarah Viliamu

In this deeply inspiring episode, Ash sits down with Sarah Viliamu, founder of The Self Love Supply, to explore her extraordinary journey of resilience, healing, and empowerment. From experiencing childhood homelessness and family violence to navigating the heartbreak of recurrent miscarriages, Sarah opens up about the adversity that has shaped her and the tools that have helped her rise above it.  


With openness and wisdom, Sarah shares the practices that have supported her path to healing, highlighting the power of self-love, the importance of community, and the courage it takes to keep showing up when life feels unbearable. She reflects on how personal struggles can impact relationships and offers insight into the ways grief can also deepen connection and compassion.  


Sarah also gives a glimpse into the upcoming Empowered Her event, created to inspire women, foster meaningful connection, and remind us all of the strength that comes from standing together. This is an episode about finding light in the shadows, embracing vulnerability, and choosing resilience as a way forward.


The episode highlights are:

00:00 Introduction and Sensitive Topics Warning

00:51 Meet Sarah Villiamu: A Journey of Resilience

03:29 Life Changes: Pregnancy and Family Dynamics

05:12 Behind the Smile: The Reality of Miscarriage

08:33 Coping with Loss: Tools for Healing

10:40 The Complexity of Grief and Support

14:28 Navigating Relationships Through Grief

17:00 The Role of Friends in Times of Loss

18:06 Childhood Experiences: A Unique Upbringing

22:58 Impact of Family Violence on Relationships

25:03 Escaping Reality: Coping Mechanisms

26:24 The Journey to Modeling and Body Image

30:05 Self-Acceptance and Inner Healing

37:16 Creating Community: The Self Love Supply

39:43 Empowered Her Event: A Space for Women

43:14 Non-Negotiables for a Fulfilling Life


Follow and connect with Sarah below: 

Instagram @sarahviliamu

Instagram @theselflovesupply 

Tiktok @sarahviliamu


Find out more about The Empowered Her Event here.


Empowered Her 2025 Event Discount Code = Use the code BTS50 for $50 off the ticket price!


To access your free guided meditations, head to the Freebie Page on Ash’s website ⁠https://www.ashbutterss.com/free-resources⁠


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ 

⁠TikTok ⁠

Website⁠ 


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4 months ago
50 minutes 1 second

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
Ep 137. Numbing the Pain: Alcoholism and Sharp Edge Eye Syndrome with Ryan Bayly

In this episode, Ash is joined by Ryan Bayly, who courageously shares his story of 19 years of sobriety, the mental health battles he has faced, and the isolating experience of living with Sharp Edge Eye Syndrome, a condition doctors struggled to believe. For decades, Ryan hid behind a smile, staying quiet about his pain, carrying the weight of loneliness and misunderstanding.


Sobriety became the first step in Ryan’s journey back to himself, helping him rediscover who he truly was beneath the silence and struggle. It opened the door to living fully, embracing travel, and building a life that feels expansive and aligned. He reflects on the freedom that comes from connection, community, and allowing himself to be seen as he really is.


This conversation is a raw and inspiring reminder that even in the depths of silence and struggle, connection can bring light. It’s a testament to resilience, self-acceptance, and the hope that comes from walking the journey of recovery together.


The episode highlights are:

00:00 Introduction to Ryan's Journey

02:49 Daily Life and Sobriety

05:15 The Impact of Mental Health Work

07:57 The Struggles of Social Interactions

10:39 Childhood Experiences and Their Effects

13:06 The Development of Sharp Edge Eye Syndrome

15:48 Coping Mechanisms and Alcoholism

18:33 The Journey to Recovery

21:16 Finding Community and Understanding

23:47 The Importance of Breath and Mindfulness

26:13 The Power of Sharing and Connection

29:23 Non-Negotiables in Life

32:07 Conclusion and Final Thoughts


To access your free guided meditations, head to the Freebie Page on Ash’s website ⁠https://www.ashbutterss.com/free-resources⁠


Follow and connect with Ash on: 

⁠Instagram⁠ 

⁠TikTok ⁠

Website⁠ 

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4 months ago
58 minutes 28 seconds

Behind The Smile with Ash Butterss
In a world full of social media promoting "perfect lives", many of us are afraid to show our true authentic selves. The good, the bad and the ugly. Behind the Smile with Ash Butterss is a podcast that aims to reveal the truth that lies behind the masks we wear. After making the decision to get sober in 2020, Ash set out on a mission, quitting her corporate job and diving deeply into the world of self-development and recovery. Her mission is to smash through the stereotype that surrounds mental health, trauma and addition, to help people live a fulfilled life connected to their purpose.