At the dawn of the new year, Christmas needs unpacking. Jacqueline's voice breaks in elf mode and Kate secures a coveted table. Armed with two pens and a watercolor set, ritual pulls them in. Boo the Cat announces himself and the tiger breaks in, starving for a moment.  A storage unit gets unlocked as liquid code unfolds. A rare sighting of a bride at ease. Never so far from Paris as the moment she lands. Please don’t assume that no response means no thank you. Soft-playing gifts as gags, never moving the book, and faking a phone call. A childhood friend's dog resurfaces while reading—this life or previous? 

The new year is here! Just a toast to all.

As the New Year draws close, the veil is thin. Lost in parking structures, falling to pieces in Lowes, an unusual approach to calling on a handyman almost doesn't work. King sized bed frames forthcoming, questions of nightstands appear. To resent, to resist, to long for clean Gwyneth-mother-hands. Christmas happened. The hags read aloud an intimate and high stakes text thread. When Kate is disappointed, Jacqueline permits disappointment; only then might light creep in. In very big news, Boo the Cat, the wild boy from Jacqueline's courtyard, has moved in permanently. My god, the year ahead. There's peace in admitting it.

Yuletide is upon us and the hags are patently giddy. Jacqueline self-imposes limits in pursuit of a floor lamp while Kate fixates on a door protector for her wreath. A lighting specialist cold calls after hours and a candy cane’s glow keeps the neighbors awake. A scream, transmuted into jingle bells. When an artist produces Christmas for an only child. Chocolate bone broth, cake by the handful, and etched crystal bowls. To smash the gingerbread house as the party’s conclusion. Is Man on Wire a Christmas movie? Nice Lady Hive, rise up.

Get cozy for Kate and Jacqueline’s cold (and wintry) reading of “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas.” aka “A Visit from St. Nicholas.” Lock this in like peppermint, because it a likely to be a most merry new hag tradition. And don’t miss this year’s extra special premium holiday drop. A Christmas Miracle: 2024 Live at Hollywood Forever (Show #2, never released in any form!) in full video glory at berlantnovak.supercast.com! Gift yourself PREMIUM, because  hey, it’s Christmas!

Sleep is Surgery The hags emerge from Thanksgiving, bubbling over with conversations to be had. Kate enjoys the non-hierarchical airline while Jacqueline holds onto the menu at an airport lounge. A company covering your ass is a friend for life. The preferred form of satire? Absolute realism. An unlabeled jar, unmistakably daughter-made. A lifetime of preemptively bracing for every possible misinterpretation. A phone returned, sour tangs, unctuous rigatoni. Is a big meal pre-slumber the obstacle or the remedy?

It’s top of the mornin’ Poog as the hags encourage eavesdropping at dawn. Jacqueline’s honest answer elicits laughter from a school psychologist. An attic tutor rewards Kate with candy. Cutting out the stain as the only elegant solution. The impossibility of appointments, referrals kept in a clock tower. Blue-blockers secured thanks to a strong relationship with a local optometrist. Mom and Popism, doubling back for a bouquet, a mailman’s doctor’s orders. What is the obvious, brutal, and necessary choice?

It’s nearing the holidays as the hags absentmindedly podcast. Jacqueline champions the versatility of the couch while Kate confronts her fear of the quick-pickle. The will to leave, moved only by appointment. Healing the brain through the nose. Sunset in the eyes, pasta at room temp, and the elegant simplicity of one jean per hook. Illicitly floating a percussive massager across the masseter. Two friends, silently making a bed together, parachuting the sheets.

It’s autumn in Los Angeles and this one’s a real eavesdropper’s delight. Pepper-plumped lips and french vanilla at the gas station. A dream of tandem haircuts where chopped tresses are swept into a single dustpan. Stripped of association, is the long nail attractive? Jacqueline enjoys a ride down a sales funnel. Kate greets a dog and suffers the consequences. A cruel observation about jewelry is recalled. Big tampons, pads galore.

The hags are back, lying prone in mild Trendelenburg. Jacqueline tests competing wearable devices at once. Kate forces community at The Grove, where leopard abounds. Hens clucking about chair structure? It’s the music of the every day. The hope of a whisper campaign, trusting the ears to guide. Two couples, four Oaxaca plates. A vat of rosewater, King of the locker room, and extreme temperature sleepers. Are we closest to God right after dinner? Scrambled brands and a false report.

It’s Headache Poog for the hags as the Advil promise rides again. Jacqueline packs density on half-caff while Kate activates her symptom radar. They discuss the hatred of live wood, unsafely sexualizing the bedpost, and life at The Towers. The etiquette of approaching a seated celebrity with your compliment is to accept the role of trash. A tragic game of “Guess What’s in My Mug?” Rubber bands around the ears, two coyotes across the street. The same spirit, a different way in. Is there an illness on the way or is it simply the injuries of a woman at dinner?  

JN having coffee at home and reminding you today is the final day for lifetime Dear Friend life-time lock in deal at berlantsnovak.supercast.com

It’s raining in LA—a snow day—and the hags are back to Morning Poog. Jacqueline channels a football coach while Kate recovers from an animal in the floor. They delight at the emerging seasonal offerings, if only for the sake of marking time. A poet shares an affiliate code. More than ordered arrives in a package. The unconscious massage of the sternocleidomastoid. A scheduling bonanza, the two-restaurant experience and splitting a cocktail. Does fear of the blood draw stem from the process or the results?

Halloween nears and the hags are back in the studio. Jacqueline discusses up lighting, Kate fears for the movie she hasn’t yet seen. Spontaneous toning in the home, boldly tearing off the vinyl. A discovery that London might withhold liquids from artists. Broth sidecar. Red light rotisserie. Send back what’s not yours, gently and lovingly to the source.

A phone call from today to celebrate 1-year anniversary of going indie. The hags hopped on a zoom on-the-go for a spontaneous minisode with a red hot promo. An upgrade offer is now LIVE thru NOV 5 for a LIFETIME DEAR FRIEND MEMBERSHIP for 20% off…so for about 8 dollars a month, you’ll can lock in the $10/month therefor life. Finally enjoy the monthly bonus episode, product corner, and a bunch of wild stuff coming soon. Get in now to be part of the celebration. We appreciate you more than you know! https://berlantnovak.supercast.com/

The hags are back in the studio. Kate’s been on symptom watch and Jacqueline's been convex in a red light bed. A jaw pops from the revelation that Christmas is not far. Unless you open your termini your facial massage cannot de-puff. A generator hides behind camouflage that announces it and the smell of chlorine doesn’t automatically mean you’re in a Four Brooms venue. The hags reconsider the ever expanding skincare line of Augustinus Jedediah Binoffrio. It’s good to back.

It’s basically the beauty sandwich. Taking a break from mainlining electrolytes. On second thought, no Mayo Clinic sweatshirt. Ice-ass cold. A Filofax youth. The pharmacy’s aluminum garage. Buying spiritual in a used book store. An incantation of safety to the self. A year of no hats. Throwing around the word proprietary. FMC.

You cannot fill the hole until you drill the hole. It doesn’t have to be unreal to be life-changing. Suckered by the protein algorithm into another cottage cheese recipe. An ADD-only island to thrive among likeminded. An altar with a sense of humor, aiming to impress. The failed promise of the giant chessboard. The first marg lays down a red carpet for the second. Rumor or research? I’ll have both.

Crank up the tunes during turbulence. The right to narrative continuity. The AmEx lounge—a glimmer in the desert. Two jousters with veiled competitive jovial hostility. Ordering hungry, paddling feet in ecstacy upon arrival. Fear observed, performing the self for others. Allergen extravaganza of opacity. As always, all information is sacred and interesting. Depersonalized service.

Pulling one away from the group. The manipulation of the sleep state. A shameful u-turn. Don’t stack hell with a good thing. Dressing made from rind. Divine meal, top to bottom. Morning baths. Egg whites in a carton. Goodbye phone, hello book of symbols. Notes of autumn haunting. Oil cleanser—real for everyone.