McBain: A "one man army" is rescued at the end of the Vietnam War and owes a life debt. The guy to whom he owes his life is killed in a coup attempt in Colombia. That guy's sister then cashes in McBain's debt to her brother to finish the job of overthrowing this dictatorship, which is probably propped up by an adolescent Shakira. Stuff blows up. Bad guys lose.
McBain final grade:
Steve: "Sucked." Dialogue was bad. I'm glad they lost money on this. It's what they deserve. 2.025/5.0
Brandon: Christopher Walken's style and delivery don't work well here. Lots of "action," but no ACTION. How did he bust through the floor by jumping on it? 2.1/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
Lemoncello/Gin Cocktail
1 oz Lemoncello, homemade or otherwise
1 oz Gin
Club Soda
Mix this one in the glass. Add the Lemoncello and Gin to a Collins glass over ice. Give it a little swirl to combine, then top with the club soda.
Cocktail Grade: Not bad. It grows on you. Prefer a Tom Collins over this if you're in this ballpark. But, if you've got a bottle of Everclear and 15 lbs of lemons around, you can make some lemoncello and mix this up. 3.5/5.0
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Steve's has an exciting guys weekend of golfing and a Sting concert at Red Rocks. Brandon spends his time driving his kids around.
Pieces: Maddie, the daughter of the "Greatest Guy Ever to Live" in some small town in Australia follows in his footsteps to become the town cop. Unfortunately she's in charge of the town's safety when it is ravaged by some mysterious creature. The town kook says it's a Big Red, a killer zombie kangaroo, but our hero thinks he's full of shit. Eventually the evidence is too great to deny, but maybe it's also not a kangaroo, but a dragon-demon-thing. Will Maddie and her posse of lovable Aussie goofballs stop the 'roos reign of terror?
Rippy final grade:
Steve: Overall it was pretty well-acted. The writing was shitty and never really got you invested in the story or characters. Story wasn't cohesive. Fuckin' shaky cam. 2.467/5.0
Brandon: Didn't have the humor element I would have preferred if I had written the thing. Costuming was pretty good, but the overall product was the worst of the non-US movies we've watched. High hopes, disappointed. 2.468/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
The Zombaroo
1 oz White Rum (allegedly a dry version for the "best" result)
1 oz Demerara Rum
1/2 oz 151-Proof Rum
3 oz A blended mix of passion fruit, lemon juice, and lime juice
As much ginger beer as it takes
A drizzle of fancy-ass Grenadine
Add everything but the ginger beer to a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine, then strain over fresh ice in a Collins glass. Top that with however much ginger beer it takes to fill your glass. Drizzle just a bit of grenadine on top to give a "blood effect."
Cocktail Grade: Not a bad drink. Plenty of sweetness, if that's your thing. Would be better if I would stop being lazy and just get some regular white rum instead of using this agricole stuff. However, with the alcohol content, it will get you where you're going. 3.1/5.0
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Steve's got a bone to pick with Costco. The episode isn't super timely, since Brandon is a lazy little Suffering Bastard and hasn't been holding up his end of the deal lately.
Pieces: A tween-age fella likes to put together a puzzle of a naked lady. His mom catches him one time, admonishes him, and threatens him with punishment if she catches him again. Fortunately for him, that won't be a problem, because he splits her like a piece of cordwood with a hatchet. Fast forward many years, and women start getting killed on the campus of a "university" in "Boston," and with different body parts taken off of each one. Turns out this kid ended up being a big weirdo as an adult. But which one of these seemingly well-adjusted adults is actually the murdering psychopath? Definitely not Willard. He's just a regular weirdo.
Pieces final grade:
Steve: Better than I anticipated. The dialogue sucked, execution wasn't bad. The lighting was good. 3.54/5.0
Brandon: Not in my sweet-spot for movies, but it was decent. Yet another wiener-twist. No "thriller" element. 3.3/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
The Suffering Bastard
1 oz Gin (allegedly a dry version for the "best" result)
1 oz Bourbon
1 teaspoon, aka 1/6 oz Fresh-Squeezed Lime Juice
1 dash Angostura Bitters
As much ginger beer as it takes
Add everything but the ginger beer to a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine, then strain over fresh ice in whatever glass you like. Top that with however much ginger beer it takes to fill your glass.
Cocktail Grade: Started off OK, but as the movie wore on, the gin/bourbon mixture wasn't so easy on the tummy. From a flavor perspective, could probably use a little more lime, and the bitters are pronounced. Just have a regular Mule of some sort. 2.8/5.0
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Steve recaps his family golfing trip down to South Carolina. It's the cultural exchange that makes travel fun, right? Brandon rented a BIG OLE TRUCK and did some man-work.
Warriors of the Wasteland: Nuclear war has destroyed society. We're left with two groups of people. One group of good guys who think humanity can be salvaged with niceness, and another one that thinks anyone who survived the apocalypse should be hunted down and killed and then the hunters will off themselves, for some reason. Then there's a lone-wolf guy who travels around the desert doing the right thing. The guy gets stuck between the two groups when he tries to save some lady. Have you heard this plot line before?
Warriors of the Wasteland final grade:
Steve: A fun movie to watch. Plenty of cool explosions. You notice a lot of the director's Spaghetti Western background. 4.024/5.0
Brandon: One of, if not the best 80s-era post-apocalyptic desert movie. My pulse pounded. My heart raced. All my parts did things at an excessive rate. 4.0/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
The Enzoni
1 oz Gin
1 oz Campari
3/4 oz Fresh-Squeezed Lemon Juice
1/2 oz Simple Syrup
A handful of grapes
Muddle a few green grapes in a cocktail shaker. Add the remaining ingredients and shake to chill/combine. Strain into a rocks glass over ice and enjoy. You can garnish with another grape or a lemon wheel, if you want. We didn't.
Cocktail Grade: Another above average cocktail. Interesting flavor combination. Refreshing. 3.8/5.0
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We're watching a sequel to a movie we watched years ago, before we started this podcast, so if you want to catch up first, you'll have to watch Killer Piñata. You should do that, it was a good one. But anyway, Steve catches us up on his holiday south of the Mason/Dixon line and Brandon rents a man-truck for a week of gardening.
Bride of the Killer Piñata: It's been nearly a decade since our heroines first defeated the deadly Killer Piñata. Since then, adult life has become boring as shit. Work. Kids. Eating the same damned thing for dinner every night. No one trying to murder you. Sucks. Thankfully, some freakin' idiots break into their house to try and steal the exorcised corpse of the original KP. Unfortunately, especially for one guy who ends up becoming a literal d*ckhead, they awaken the spirit of the KP and he returns to his murderous rage. While sad for those guys, it's the greatest thing that has ever happened for our heroes, getting them out of the rut of a life they had settled into. Now they have to track down KP, as well as a second piñata that came to life, and with whom KP has fallen deeply in love.Bride of the Killer Piñata final grade:
Steve: The movie was a little long, coming in at nearly two hours. Maybe an independent editor would have helped trim a little fat. Practical effects were great. The articulating piñata puppet was solid. Acting was better than you usually get with casts like this. 4.386/5.0
Brandon: Although all the side-quests were pretty well done if taken individually, there were probably still too many of them and detracted from the overall product. That said, this one is easily one of the better movies we've watched, doing well on a low budget, hitting the right humor spots, and actually...sorta...pulled off the piñata romance. 4.249/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
Italian Piñata1 oz Tequila Blanco
1 oz Aperol
2 oz Grapefruit Juice
Squirty of Lemon Juice
Club Soda
Red Alert! Building a citrus cocktail in the glass. No shaking. Don't tell anyone. Combine everything but the club soda over ice directly in the glass, stir to combine, then top with as much club soda as you need. Garnish with a hunk of grapefruit.
Cocktail Grade: No sweeteners in this one, so it might cure diabetes. A well-balanced drink, citrusy and refreshing. A good one after a day of yardwork in the hot sun. 4.0/5.0
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This one is not for the kiddos. It's one of those times Steve may regret letting Brandon pick the movie. But, let's get right to it.
Bunny The Killer Thing: We're never told why, but some bad guys in Finland get their hands on a serum that turns people into anthropomorphic rabbits with over-sized genitals and want to infect humanity with this creation. But, they shoot a guy up with it, and he turns into a homicidal maniac...looking for love in all the wrong places. He ends up killing a bunch of people, before getting his comeuppance. Then things get tied up in a bow when our heroes also end up killing the *real* bad guys, who are doing the experiments. The Bunny with the Killer Kyrpä, shoutout to #Finland, ends up being a mere pawn in a conspiracy of Bishops.
Get you a special someone who loves you as much as Finnish people seem to enjoy schlong in their movies.
Bunny the Killer Thing final grade:
Steve: Acting was more competent than you would expect. While a "bad" movie with a dumb premise, this one over-performed. However, as a sophisticated movie viewer, who appreciates the lack of penis in movies, I have to deduct a half-point. 3.74/5.0
Brandon: A wiener twist like we haven't seen yet. It's not hard to envision a scenario in which YOU might hate this movie and think it's the worst. But, I actually liked it. 4.37/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
Azalea
1 1/2 oz Vodka
1/2 oz Genadine, fancy or otherwise
5 oz Lemonade
Add vodka and lemonade to a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine. Pour grenadine in the bottom of the glass over ice, and then add the vodka/lemonade on top. With the neon red Rose's grenadine, it makes a nice pink effect.
Cocktail Grade: A tasty twist on the classic vodka and lemonade. Highly recommend this to my sister, who is a vodka/lemonade aficionado. 4.5/5.0
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Steve starts the show out with a little honorarium on the career of Val Kilmer, then we get on to the movie.
Nazis at the Center of the Earth: Scientists, doing science stuff, and throwing around many, many science words are caught up in the rise of the Fourth Reich when two of their group are abducted. While searching for their lost colleagues, they all end up finding their way to a beautiful utopia deep under the Earth's crust. There, they encounter a band of zombie Nazis, led by Joseph Mengele, who is keeping the group alive by grafting on recycled body parts. Then we find out that the "chief scientist" is actually on the bad guy's side. The abducted lady scientist also turns to the dark side. But is she just biding her time? Is she a double agent? Or maybe a triple agent?
Then a robot Hitler shows up.
Nazis at the Center of the Earth final grade:
Steve: Not a great movie. Interesting twist on the "where did the fleeing Nazis end up and what are they doing now" genre. Best part was the painted Nerf guns as lasers. 1.8/5.0
Brandon: Some of the costume work was pretty good. Have to give the actors a little credit for playing a bad movie without any seriousness. 2.0/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
Hitler's Jitters
3 oz White Rum
1/2 oz Creme de Cacao
1 oz Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice
1/2 oz Simple Syrup
Put all ingredients in a cocktail shaker over ice. Shake to chill and combine. Strain into a couple glass and garnish with a a lime wheel.
Cocktail Grade: Not a great drink, but better than the movie. Kinda grew on us as the evening went on. Maybe that was the three ounces of rum talking. 3.5/5.0
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Easter Bunny Kill! Kill!: A developmentally-disabled teen lives with his mom, loves Easter, loves bunnies. His mom is dating a guy who, in addition to being a murder, is also just generally a prick. When mom's not around, he's abusive to the kid. He also enjoys the company of sex workers. While he believes Mindy, the mom, is at work, he starts doing his jerk thing around town, when suddenly everyone in the movies starts turning up dead. Turns out, mom is killing off anyone who is mean or a negative influence in her little boy, just like she killed the boy's father. But wait! The dad didn't die! He's actually a person experiencing house-less-ness and hanging around the neighborhood. He also kills someone, and they re-connect over the experience. Happy little family.
Easter Bunny Kill! Kill! final grade:
Steve: Slow and dark. Many of the -xploitation elements were there. Thought the actors, especially Ricardo Gray, did a decent job. Not funny, but it wasn't supposed to be. Overdid some of the parts that were supposed to make you hate the antagonist. 1.0/5.0
Brandon: I feel exploited by watching this movie. The crew were trying to make a movie that made you uneasy. They succeeded. Reminded me of a Hell Garden in Thailand. Not my thing. .85/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
Gin Gin Mule
1 3/4 oz London Dry Gin
1 oz Simple Syrup
3/4 oz Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice
Ginger Beer
Fresh Mint
Put mint, syrup, and lime juice into a cocktail shaker. Add ice and gin. Shake to combine then strain into a Collins glass. Top with ginger beer. Garnish with a sprig of mint.
Cocktail Grade: Summer in a glass. Truly delightful. Would enjoy many of these whenever the opportunity presents itself. 5.0/5.0
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We spent last night drinking by the fire and talking amongst ourselves, so there isn't much to catch up on today.
Crackcoon: Nefarious drug dealers prowl the under-bridge areas of West Virginia peddling the newest way to chase your high. Crack mixed with BATH SALTS! Well, wouldn't ya know it, a bag full of this new designer drug gets discarded in the woods, and it's consumed not only by JD Vance's relation, but also a friggin' raccoon. What follows is almost a paradise of death and mayhem.
Crackcoon final grade:
Steve: Being able to listen to the dialogue kinda detracted from my first "visuals only" encounter with this one. That said, campy ridiculousness is exactly what the doctor ordered. 4.5/5.0
Brandon: The movie wasn't great, but it wasn't trying to be great. As such, it was freakin' fantastic. Practical effects were better than expected. 4.5/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
The Rabid Raccoon
1 1/2 oz White Rum
1/2 oz Blue Curaçao
1/2 oz Coconut Rum
2 oz Pineapple Juice
1/2 oz Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice
Random Energy Drink of your Choice
Throw everything into a cocktail shaker over ice. Shake to chill and combine. Strain into a Collins glass over ice. Top with whatever energy drink you want to use to destroy your nervous system.
Cocktail Grade: ChatGPT calls this one "a chaotic mix of bold flavors, with an unexpected kick." Very sweet. The best AI cocktail we've tried this far. Probably didn't need the energy drink part. 4.0/5.0
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The usual chatter before getting into the movie. Steve went out to dinner at an 80s-themed restaurant that wasn't quite like going back in time. Brandon spends too much time wondering about the downfall of the nation and talking about it.
Big Ass Spider: A likeable everyman, Alex, goes about his day as a mild-mannered exterminator, shooting his shot with nearly every woman he encounters...when he crosses paths with his arch-nemesis, a spider. But, this isn't just any spider. It's a BIG ASS SPIDER! Then, it abducts the girl of his dreams and climbs to the top of the tallest building in the area. He's gotta rescue her. Have we seen this movie before?
Big Ass Spider final grade:
Steve: A really good movie, enjoyable/entertaining for just about anyone. Probably have to deduct a few points because it was too good. Lots of nods to other movies, but they were put together well. 4.25/5.0
Brandon: José is the star of the show. Buddy comedy aspects work well. My sister wouldn't like it, but that's her problem.4.196/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
The Black Widow (Amalgamated)
1 1/2 oz Tequila (we also tried Vodka)
2 oz Unsweetened Pomegranate Juice
1/2 oz Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice
2 teaspoons Sugar
Topo Chico or other Sparkling/Mineral Water
A handful of blackberries
Add sugar, berries, and lime juice to a shaking tin, muddle to combine and express blackberry juice. Add your liquor of choice, and pomegranate juice. Shake to combine and chill, then strain over rocks in a Collins glass. Top with Topo Chico. If you're drinking this in winter, thank a Mexican or Central American farmer.
Cocktail Grade: A delicious super-fruit cocktail. Steve liked it a little better with vodka than with tequila, but it's a 4/4.5 drink either way. Overall, we'll split the difference and go 4.25/5.0
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Brandon pitches an idea for a new #dating app. Steve actually gets out of the house.
Unlucky Charms: A bunch of models are trying out, in gameshow format, to be a spokesmodel for some lingerie line. The woman running the show has a charm bracelet that allows her to control some mythical creatures. She uses them to kill people. The creatures are actually good guys, though, so they don't want to do it. The bad guy is hoisted by her own petard. The End.
Unlucky Charms final grade:
Steve: It was OK. Lighting was good. There were some bits that entertained a bit or were ripe for mockery. Overall, not worth the watch. 1.75/5.0
Brandon: This one was disappointing. Not scary and no one tried to do anything really funny. Writing wasn't great. Acting was sub-par. Roughly the quality of Ahockalypse with a much larger budget. Terrible bang for your buck. 1.7/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
County Clare/Dublin Cooler
2 oz Irish Whiskey
3/4 oz Unfiltered Apple Cider/Juice
3/4 oz Fresh Squeezed Lemon Juice
1/4 oz Benedictine
1 oz Ginger Beer
Pour ginger beer into a glass over ice. Put the rest of the ingredients into a cocktail shaker and shake to combine. Strain over the ginger beer.
Cocktail Grade: The kind of cocktail that will tickle your sweet tooth. Tastes good and sneaks up on you. 4.0/5.0
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A follow-up to last week's Hockey Update. Not all the news is good. This week's movie is based on a true story, a first for this podcast. As such, Steve dives into the real history of Alfred (Alferd) Packer.
Cannibal! The Musical: A musical bit of fan fic surrounding the real life "adventures" of Alfred Packer, a 19th Century American who served in the Civil War, became a wilderness guide and gold miner, then ate a bunch of guys. That escalated quickly, huh? The movie might just be a vehicle to mock a woman Trey Parker was in a relationship with at one time, as her namesake in the movie is Packer's fictional horse, Lianne, aka The Horse Who Would Let Anybody Ride Her. He may have made this entire movie just to talk about her.
Yor, The Movie with the Wordy Title final grade:
Steve: It was entertaining. If you're a fan of South Park or Team America: World Police, you'll like this as a kind of origin story for Trey and Matt. Their restaurant doesn't have very good food, FYI. The local twist of this movie makes it interesting to us. 2.75/5.0
Brandon: This one was a little shpadoinkle, but not all the way shpadoinkle. You could see bits and pieces of things that would later become the kind of humor that would make these guys boatloads of cash with South Park and other stuff. 2.5/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
The Cannibal Reviver
1 oz Gin
1/2 oz Lemon Juice
1/2 oz Yellow Chartreuse or Genepy de Chamois
1/2 oz Dolin Sweet White Vermouth
Peychaud Bitters
Combine everything in a cocktail shaker. Shake to combine and chill, then strain into a rocks glass over ice. Garnish with a lemon wedge/wheel.
Cocktail Grade: Maybe it's the fact that we're not popping the $80 for a bottle of Chartreuse, and the Genepy stuff messes it up, but this one was just OK. A bit of an anise flavor that will turn off black licorice haters. Better than ChatGPT creations, at least. 2.0/5.0
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Start off with an old-school Kids' Sports Update before getting to the movie.
Yor, The Hunter from the Future: A caveman with a backstory, such that there is one, similar to Lonestar in Spaceballs wanders around the Turkish countryside causing mayhem. He meets women. They fall in love with him. Other cavemen come along and destroy shit. Then SUDDENLY, there's space ships and laser beams. Apparently Yor is actually from an advanced civilization! And his civilization is fighting another civilization of bad guys who want to create a world of androids. There is no time travel. This is all happening on the same planet at the same time and no one noticed. Whatever.
Yor, The Movie with the Wordy Title final grade:
Steve: I wanted to like this one, but Antonio Marrrgggeriiitttiii's attempt to take a four-hour mini-series and pare it down to a 90-minute movie probably lost a lot of the plot. Tarzan/Flash Gordon mash-up was too convoluted. 1.8/5.0
Brandon: The first 60 minutes of this movie had nothing to do with the last 30. There wasn't any attempt to tie the Star Wars-y stuff to the caveman stuff. Yor wasn't even from the future. He was just from a different part of the same beachfront property. 1.9/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
The Cosmic Caveman
1 oz Bourbon
1/2 oz Mezcal
1/2 oz Blue Curaçao
1 oz Pineapple Juice
1/2 oz Fresh-squeezed Lime Juice
1/2 oz Honey Syrup
Angostura Bitters
1/2 oz Over-proof Rum
Combine everything except the rum in a cocktail shaker. Shake to combine and chill, then strain into a rocks glass. Garnish with a lime wheel laid on top. Pour over-proof rum onto lime wheel/chunk and light the rum on fire.
Cocktail Grade: ChatGPT is clearly in the tank for Big Blue Curaçao. Looks like toxic waste. Doesn't taste great. You don't make enough money to support ChatGPT's liquor budget. Really gave Steve some tummy troubles the next morning. 1.3/5.0
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In the much-anticipated follow-up to last week's discussion on Valentine's Day gift giving, Steve catches us up on the trials and tribulations of navigating Hallmark's most imaginary holiday.
Revenge of the Ninja: It's a story you've probably heard before. A ninja name Cho Osaki has left his life of ninjacity behind is pulled back in after his family is killed in Japan. At the urging of a close friend, Braden, he moves to Los Angeles and opens a doll shop. For whatever reason, we never find out who killed Cho's wife, oldest son, and others present. *shrug emoji*
But after he settles in Los Angeles, it turns out that Braden is actually smuggling heroin through the doll shop that he helped Cho establish. No backstory is given on how or why Braden became a drug dealer or why he though the dolls were the best method of transportation. *shrug emoji*
Cho's son, Kane, accidentally uncovers the heroin, and Braden decides he has to kill Cho's mom. This all makes sense somehow. But then Kane witnesses Braden killing his grandmother, so now Braden's gotta kill him. This whole operation goes sideways like two days after it's established. Plus there's a mob guy that won't pay Braden for the drugs he's smuggled in. So then that guys gotta go too, I guess. But, Cho decides he has to kill Braden for killing his mom and abducting his son. He still isn't too worried about all the killings back in Japan.
Revenge of the Ninja final grade:
Steve: I liked this one. It's not up there with the all-time gut busters of intentional/unintentional comedy, but the story worked some of the time, hit all the 80s ninja themes. I love the Utah landscapes. 3.05/5.0
Brandon: I liked it a little more after I thought about it. Lots weapons. The story was a little discombobulated, but it was a fun, above-average watch. Throwing stars. Nunchucks. Katana. 3.0/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
The Ninja
1 oz Light Rum
1/2 oz Lychee Liqueur
Slice of Lime
A few drops of pressed ginger liquid
As much Coca-Cola as your glass will hold.
Build the cocktail in the glass. Add the rum and liqueur over ice, squeeze a knob of ginger in a garlic press to get the juice out. Stir to combine just a bit, then add your coke and squeeze a lime wedge over the top. Garnish with a lime wheel and Luxardo cherries.
Cocktail Grade: The presence of the ginger is an interesting little twist on the Cuba Libre. Surprisingly, it wasn't as unwelcome a flavor combo as you might think 3.9/5.0
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Many people say this is a podcast about drinking good cocktails with your friends while watching bad movies. But we like to think it's also about romance. So, we prepare everyone for the most important holiday of the year, Valentine's Day, by scrolling through some "Best Gifts for Him/Her" lists and see if any of the tacky trash on them is actually a decent gift idea. Turns out...not many.
Wolfcop: Some Canadian dude watched Teen Wolf and Bad Lieutenant, then decided to make a mash-up. THEN, the guy was able to get the Canadian taxpayer to pay for the project. But, these are the people that invented Poutine, so crossovers are right up their alley. As for the story, a drunk cop finds out he's a werewolf. Then he finds out the town is full of shape-shifters looking to harvest his blood. Talk about a complicated week. But, he embraces it, so good for ol' Lou Garou.
Wolfcop final grade:
Steve: A bit of a disappointment. High hopes not met. That's the problem with expectations. Too damn much shaky cam. Good practical effects, though. 2.25/5.0
Brandon: If this is the best form of Canadian cinema, worthy of public grant money, then maybe it's time to shut the place down. Quite a wiener-twist in this one, or a hog-twist for those of you north of the border. 2.4/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
Gin Old Fashioned2 oz Old Tom gin
1/4 oz Semi-rich Simple Syrup
Three dashes Orange Bitters
Plunk a hunk of lemon peel in a cocktail mixing glass along with some ice. Combine all ingredients in there and stir away. Strain into a lowball glass over a block of ice. Garnish with skewered lemon peel and Luxardo cherries.
Cocktail Grade: Better than expected. Kinda tastes like a lemon-lime soda without the fizz. Not a Sprite, though. Maybe a Starry. 4.1/5.0
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After a "Parent's Night Out" at gymnastics, Brandon is curious what Steve's favorite cuisines are when he has a date night, so we talk about that for a bit. The answers, may surprise you.
Studio 666: Legendary rock band, The Foo Fighters rent an AirBNB to record what will surely be a legendary tenth album. Unfortunately, as legend has it, the house is also the site of a gruesome murder committed years ago by a not-as-legendary frontman for the fictional band, Dream Widow. The problem is, the house is a spiritual nexus through which the Devil attempts to enter our world. Can Dave and the rest of the band fight off these demonic foos? We shall see.
Studio 666 final grade:
Steve: "Right there" on the edge of being really good. Fun concept. Scooby Doo charm. Foo Fighters fans will obviously find it to be fantastic. 3.76/5.0
Brandon: IRL, someone must have passed around some cocaine and gave someone, who possess more dollars than sense, a crazy idea. Surprisingly, it turned out pretty well. It's just too long. 3.68/5.0
Cocktail of the Week:
The Foo Fighters' Fizz 1 1/2 oz vodka
3/4 oz Elderflower Liqueur
1/2 oz Fresh-Squeezed Lemon Juice
Club Soda
Combine all non-fizzy ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine, then strain into a Collins glass over ice. Top with club soda. Garnish with skewered lemon boat and some fresh berries.
Cocktail Grade: Would be a good summertime refresher. Light and crisp, like a gin fizz should be. 4.6/5.0
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Reinforcing our annual youth sports "Don't Be a Dick" PSA. Steve is psyched that his Buckeyes from THE Ohio State University won the National Championship. Brandon, and the rest of society, are thrilled the Philadelphia Eagles snuck out of their snowy game with another W. Brandon is also very upset about paper goods.
Creepazoids: A group of military deserters traipse across a post-apocalyptic future, dancing between the acid rain drops. Before a big storm rolls in, they have to take shelter in what turns out to be an uber-secure government research facility, that they are able access by one guy kicking a wood door one time. After they find a veritable oasis of medical supplies, hot running water, and citrus fruits that somehow haven't gone bad yet, they find out that the building is inhabited by some deadly creatures. A bipedal ant kinda lookin' thing and Chuck-E-Cheese-reject rats, hopped up on either the excess or the lack of amino acids, pick them off one-by-one as they fight for their lives.
Creepazoids final grade:
Steve: Good practical effects. I love hallways. Some of the 80s tunes were rad. 3.20/5.0
Brandon: A good way to space out for an hour or so. Some good unintentional humor. Deduction for protracted baby fight scene. 3.08/5.0
Cocktail of the Week: 1 ½ oz vodka
½ oz Blue Curaçao
½ oz Midori melon liqueur
1 oz fresh lime juice
½ oz simple syrup
Splash of soda water
Optional garnish: lime wheel or a neon-colored cocktail umbrella
Combine all non-fizzy ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine, then strain into a rocks glass over ice. Top with sparkling water. Garnish with lime wedge/slice and cherries.
Cocktail Grade: We turned our brains over to the AI this week, as much of the world does on a regular basis. Surprisingly enough, it actually worked out pretty well this time. A sweet cocktail that turned out better than expected. Using a slightly larger glass for round two, and adding a little more club soda diluted the sweetness a bit and improved it. 4.2/5.0
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Back by popular demand, or maybe just because she has nothing better to do, our first special guest star, Emma, is back to help us review a movie about some of her favorite things: Cannibals, Carpet installers, and Brits. A quick check in with the weekend of hockey/kids activities, and we're off to the movie.
Cannibals & Carpet-fitters: A family of weirdo cannibals hires a team of carpet-fitters to cover up their beautiful hardwood floors. But, that's just a ruse. They really just want to kill the crews, eat parts of them, and sell other meat for profit. This plan seems kinda dumb, though, because the carpet business owner would presumably know that the crews went out for this job and didn't return. People get killed. Some people may or may not get killed. Cliffhanger, baby.
Cannibals & Carpet-fitters final grade:
Steve: A clever storyline and a movie trope we haven't watched yet. Funny in parts, well shot, 3.95/5.0
Brandon: Right up with there with all the other movies we've watched from the British Isles. Probably something that is in the "less well-known movie" category because it was made somewhere outside the US. 3.946/5.0
Emma: A fine movie for what it was. Much better than Ahockalypse. It was actually "half-interesting sometimes." 4.0/5.0
Cocktail of the Week: Sticky Carpet
1 1/2 Gin oz Unsweetened Cherry Juice, "the expensive shit"
1/2 oz Orange Liqueur
1/6 oz Fresh-Squeezed Lemon Juice
Sparkling Water or Club Soda
Combine all non-fizzy ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine, then strain into a rocks glass over ice. Top with sparkling water. Garnish with lime wedge/slice and cherries.
To turn it into a MOCKtail, leave out the gin and replace it with two ounces of orange juice.
Cocktail Grade: Pretty bland, looks and tastes like you're drinking a glass of sparkling water. Don't bother with this one. Adding a little more orange liqueur did give it some flavor, at least. 2.0/5.0
Mocktail Grade: Same as the mixed drink. Doesn't taste like anything. Skip it. 2.0/5.0
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Steve spends another week busy with HS hockey and Brandon has taken up Taekwondo as an adult.
Night of the Lepus: Man's interference in nature comes back to bite him, with two giant anterior incisors. First, a farmer kills off all the coyotes on his land. Then, with no natural predators, the place is overrun by rabbits. What's he supposed to do now? Recruit a scientist to inject chemicals and hormones into the rabbits to kill them off, of course. But, as bad luck would have it, one of the modified rabbits is set free. That little fella procreates prolifically, as rabbits do, and soon, the Arizona countryside has to deal with a horde of giant bunny rabbits.
Night of the Lepus final grade:
Steve: Takes me back to the old days in Columbus, OH, hiding under my covers and watching creature features with Fritz the Nite Owl. Not a fantastically well-done movie, but the lighting is terrific and the nostalgia even better. 3.89/5.0
Brandon: A snuff film Elmer Fudd would love. Quaintly charming for its lack of special effects used on the "terrifying" rabbit menace. Worth watching if you're curious about stepping outside the standard horror spectacle. 3.03/5.0
MOCKtail of the Week: Sparkling Cherry Mocktail with Lime
2 oz Unsweetened Cherry Juice, "the expensive shit"
1 oz Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice
1 oz Cherry Simple Syrup
Sparkling Water or Club Soda
Combine all non-fizzy ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine, then strain into a rocks glass over ice. Top with sparkling water. Garnish with lime wedge/slice and cherries.
To turn it into a cocktail, Steve added two ounces of vodka
Mocktail Grade: A very good non-alcoholic drink. Also, with no articial ingredients and all that stuff, it's a great replacement for your soda of choice. 4.5/5
Cocktail Grade: Delicious and sweet as the NA version. Oddly, kinda picked up a hint of vanilla flavor with the added vodka. Tones down the cherry a bit. 4.5/5
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Back after our holiday breaks. Trips to Ohio and Wisconsin were taken. Family festivities were attended. We check in to see how Santa treated us, and ring in the New Year. Steve tells us how to get around the DIA airport and Brandon gets into wordy t-shirts. Oh yeah, and #TacoBarChristmas.
America 3000: Many years after Mercans and Commies nuked each other, Fraus rule the world and keep men mostly as their machos, except for a few that contribute when they need some seedin'. Plugots roam the plains, scraping together a bare existence while the Fraus horde all the weps and eats, in keeping with their regs. When the Tiara of Frisco falls in battle, her daughter must take over. One man with heavy smarts, because he found a book, wants nege more of these cold days and tries to lead his people down a warm path. This is how they speak in the movie, solemn swear. That shit is woggos. Scan what I'm talkin'?
America 3000 final grade:
We try a more scientific approach to grading our first movie of the new year. We're not sure if it helped or not. The numbers say 2.6/5. Here's what the feels say.
Steve Bad movie. Good lighting, though. The constant use of the future people's stupid-sounding language, while interesting and innovative, was grating. The geology didn't look anything like Colorado. 2.03/5.0
Brandon This one was bad, but it was a good flick to have some fun with, which can't be said for many of the movies we've watched. Not Samurai Cop level of unintentional comedy, but it was fanplastic. 3.19/5.0
Cocktail of the Week: Cocktail with No Name
2 oz Stranahan's Colorado Single Malt Whiskey
1 oz Vanilla liqueur
1 oz Fresh-squeezed Orange Juice
1/2 oz Cinnamon-infused Simple Syrup
Combine all ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Shake to chill and combine, then strain into a rocks glass over ice. Garnish with a dehydrated orange slice, if Santa brought you some.
Cocktail Grade: Easily the best cocktail Brandon has cobbled together. Tastes good, and makes movies better than they really are. 4.2/5
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