Well, it ended, I suppose. Throughout this season, when production was faced with a decision, they made the exact WRONG choice Every. Single. Time. Much like the state of American politics, American media, American industries, well, America, no one has any standards anymore, and the least qualified people continue to hold the most responsibility. If you enjoy us going on impassioned, frustrated rants, this episode is for you! Support the show

So many beautiful examples of love around us this week: jealous scammers Chellace, opportunistic coworkers Traylor, aggro-dominant Jeremy/Bailey, streamrolling Spencer/Jess, and brother-flip-flopper Jellyfish/Bonrad. Nicolandria continues to be our shining light in a world culture that is spiraling into madness at levels never seen before. Women, wake UP!!!!! Support the show

We will be on bye week this week due to work/anniversary travel obligations! This recap is for last week's episodes. The beach is experiencing mass hysteria, orchestrated by Master Manipulator Jeremy and encouraged by Clout Chasers Inc., which includes Dale, Spencer, Andrew, and every girl that Bailey calls a friend. But for the first time in a long time, Bachelor Nation is united over a shared injustice, and for that, we rejoice. Also discussed is our letting go of Belly from The Summe...

When all else fails in this franchise, we can typically rely on a slimy douchebag to bring the heat. Brian, Jeremy, and even Jonathan are getting it done. RIP to all the women on the beach for such a subpar selection. Captain Kim is looking better and better by the day. Dare we say Kaith is a couple to watch?! Support the show

The Kenny Scamdoval is breaking news, so of course, we need to jump right into it. The Valley Finale gives us some concluding thoughts on Jax and Janet. Finally, our Bachelor in Paradise recap concludes on a somber note. One thing this show consistently does is somehow make the WRONG choices in production. Oof. Support the show

Nicolandria is thriving, the Goldens are in Paradise, and Janet is humbled. It’s a beautiful week to be alive!!! The Love Island finale and post-show fan service continues to feed our Nicolandria obsession, and we fear there is no end in sight. Shady men show their true selves on the beaches of Paradise, just as some much-needed energy from our favorite senior citizens arrives. Support the show

Well…despite having a lot to gain by influencing you to watch the season by saying the rebrand is amazing…you know we cannot tell a lie. We’re all about AUTHENTICITY, unlike all of these scripted comedy sketches these producers cooked up for every other scene?! The lighting gives Bourne Ultimatum, the sinister music gives Secret Lives of Mormon Wives, the “challenges” give storebrand Are You The One, and the heavily manicured flat declarations say new-age Love Is Blind. We can’t help but disc...

We took about an hour-long tangent about Love Island US, but so much NEEDED to be discussed. First, Camille recaps witnessing Beyoncé's near-death experience at Cowboy Carter in Houston. Then, we get into the Nicolandria obsession, the rupture of the Love Island “Sisterhood”, upcoming predictions, and more. In Hawaii, with the Valley cast, Kristen Doute gets engaged while some friends celebrate and others ruminate. Support the show

The first 20 minutes of the episode are purely Love Island US talk, and hear us when we say, you NEED to be watching. Do not miss this opportunity! Down in the Valley, Jax is out of the so-called “mental health facility” and wreaking absolute havoc like nothing has changed. Janet’s on her typical BS, as is Michelle. But it’s a beautiful moment in America: a country united over our shared disdain. Support the show

It’s a beach brawl this week on The Valley! Janet gets called a vibe-killing Karen, Zack begins to realize Brittney has moved on from his friendship, and Jax is even darker than usual. We also briefly talk Summerhouse reunion, Next Gen NYC, and Love Island US! Support the show

Kristen checks Janet with a seemingly totally false rumor, but someone had to step up to the queen bee! The tides are turning on alliances. There is blood in the water. Plus, we go on a long tangent about our existential dread with phone addiction, attention spans, and the growing plight of terrible customer service. Support the show

Apologies for recording delay! Who among us hasn’t taken a quick pull in a corner of a party?! This week, we get more details and perspectives on Darkside Danny Tequilagate, and we’re still Team Nia. Let’s turn our attention to the real problematic people of the group: Jesse and Janet. On the Summerhouse side, Jesse and Lexi’s relationship ends less with a bang and more with a whimper. Support the show

Whitney is back from Japan, and the only cure for train bento and foot spa withdrawals is relishing in the pure entertainment that is American reality TV: The Valley and Summerhouse. We discuss Brittney’s uncalled-for turn on Nia, Zach’s moral compass, everyone hating their partners, and much more. Support the show

Truly one of the darkest episodes of reality TV we’ve seen, and we’ve seen a lot. We can’t help but think about all these dang kids! Tune in as we over-analyze childhood trauma, marital abuse, sociopathic tendencies, crippling addiction, just to name a few of the light, funny subjects we talk about. We will be off next week but returning the following week for a recap of E3/4! Support the show

The Valley is back with fresh separations, contentious co-parenting, Crazy Kristen, and all is right in the world. Ultimately, we theorize that these men don’t know how to handle their insecurities, thus making it the problem of the women in their lives. What else is new? Similarly, in Summerhouse…we have our eyes on you, Jesse. Team Lexi. Support the show

Happy to announce that we loved this finale! Grant chose the path of least resistance, which…we have mixed feelings about. Litia broke the veneer and showed her stronger, more sassy side, which we loved. Juliana’s character arc fell flat…did she ask the right questions and get the proper closure from Grant? Regardless, we look ahead to recapping The Valley in the off-season and an intergenerational BIP this summer! Support the show

An empire falls not with a bang but with a whimper… We spend the majority of this episode analyzing the fall of the Bachelor franchise. The death spiral into irrelevancy, as it grips on to its puritanical values, outdated references, and meaningless virtue signaling. Almost like the Democratic Party right now! But it was also Fantasy Suites, our favorite episode of the season, so we still had to make assumptions about overnight activities, of course. Support the show

Allow us to rant for a moment will you…We miss the days when people actually shared a sincere emotion or challenged themselves to discuss something uncomfortable. Families used to be the people you couldn’t fake things with. We are at the point where truly no option will work out, so what do we have to root for?! Plus, get religious fundamentalism out of our reality shows and politics please!!! Support the show

It's make or break this week in Scotland before hometowns. Litia finally reveals the potential dealbreaker of her religious culture, Juliana finally gets a chance to shine, and Zoe is snubbed. Carolina crashes out, though admittedly we will miss her. Support the show

Just as the group embarks on their international journey to Madrid, Camille returns from her honeymoon in Tahiti bringing back stories of White Lotus parallels and slutty stingrays. In this episode, we analyze the traditional-minded ways of Grant and our appreciation for these old-school dynamic villains. Support the show