What if the "temper tantrums" in your life—whether from your kids, your partner, or even yourself—aren't misbehavior at all, but a desperate cry to be heard?
In this episode, Dr. Glenn Hill and Tera Wages unpack a powerful truth: our emotions are pitching a temper tantrum when they're not being acknowledged. From the three-year-old crying over a scraped knee to the adult who shuts down completely, we explore what happens when our emotional energy is resisted instead of received.
In This Episode:
Whether you're parenting young children, navigating marriage conflict, or trying to understand your own emotional patterns, this episode will help you recognize when energy is being resisted—and how to create connection instead.
Key Concepts:
Resources Mentioned:
Ready to stop resisting and start connecting? This episode will change how you see every "temper tantrum" in your life.
Get the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
Book a Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches
What if the secret to actually starting fresh in 2026 isn't about making better resolutions—but about stopping to process what 2025 is trying to tell you?
In this transformative year-end episode, marriage and family therapist Dr. Glenn Hill shares why he loves Mondays, New Year's, and fresh starts—and the framework that makes them actually work. Glenn and his wife Phyllis get vulnerable about their year of burnout, chronic pain, and the pivotal moments that changed everything. Tera Wages guides them through a reflection process that goes beyond surface-level goal-setting to create real, lasting transformation.
You'll discover:
Key Topics: New Year goals, fresh starts, emotional health, mental health, marriage counseling, burnout recovery, chronic pain management, year-end reflection, goal setting, emotional intelligence, relationship coaching, leadership development, self-care, mental wellness, therapy tools, emotional processing, work-life balance, New Year's resolutions alternative
Powerful Moments:
The Framework:
Resources Mentioned:
If you're tired of the same cycle of New Year's resolutions that fade by February, this episode will give you the Monday Mindset framework to make 2026 actually different. Because fresh starts only work when you stop ignoring what your emotions are telling you.
Connect with us:Instagram: @connectioncodesWebsite: www.connectioncodes.co
What do a silver Christmas tree, a shrimp ring, and a pen from a Pringles can all have in common? They're all part of the wild, wonderful, and sometimes ridiculous Christmas journey of Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill!
In this fun and festive episode, Glenn, Phyllis, and Tera open up about their favorite Christmas traditions—from Phyllis's magical German childhood with St. Nicholas bringing candlelit trees on Christmas Eve, to Glenn's silver tree with a spinning color wheel, to their hilariously humble first married Christmas together. They share how they've created over-the-top holiday magic for their kids and now 12 grandkids, including elaborate scavenger hunts, cousin extravaganzas, and Glenn's famous Christmas plays.
In this episode, you'll hear:
Perfect for: Anyone who loves Christmas, families creating traditions, parents and grandparents who go all-out for the holidays, anyone curious about international Christmas celebrations, couples building their own family culture
Get the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
Book a Connection Codes Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches
Keywords: Christmas traditions, holiday memories, family celebrations, German Christmas, creating family traditions, grandparenting, Christmas magic, holiday joy, marriage and family, festive season, cultural differences, Christmas stories
Why do the same moments bring one person joy and another person pain? And how can we stop letting those differences destroy our relationships?
In this powerful episode, Glenn, Phyllis, and Tera unpack a transformative truth: we all enter the same situations with completely different backstories, and those differences create conflict faster than anything else—especially during the holidays.
Tera shares a vulnerable story about feeling hurt by Glenn's teasing, only to discover they have polar opposite beliefs about what jokes mean. Glenn grew up believing you only joke about things that aren't true, while Tera learned that every joke contains truth. Same behavior. Completely different experiences.
Glenn and Phyllis walk through real-life examples—from music preferences to days off—showing how our childhood experiences shape what brings us joy or pain today. They share practical tools for conveying your experience without attacking your partner, and how to create curiosity instead of conflict.
In this episode, you'll discover:
Featured Story: A client discovers his day off triggers fear because he doesn't know his worth outside of work—and the powerful moment when he finds himself through the Core Emotion Wheel.
This episode will transform how you approach conflict, whether it's with your spouse, your kids, your coworkers, or your extended family. Because the goal isn't to change what you like or agree on everything—it's to see each other.
Resources mentioned:
Programs referenced:
What if the real problem isn't being alone, but feeling alone when someone's standing right in front of you?
In this powerful conversation, we're diving deep into one of the most misunderstood emotions: loneliness. Dr. Glenn and Phyllis just returned from an incredible journey through Europe, and they're sharing fresh insights about what loneliness actually is, why it's so damaging to our health, and most importantly—what actually helps.
Here's what might surprise you: the solution to loneliness isn't being around more people. In fact, you can feel most lonely in a crowded room, at a family dinner, or even lying next to your spouse.
This episode will help you understand why relational absence is far more painful than geographical absence, and how the "still face" we give each other—even unintentionally—creates chronic pain that affects our marriages, parenting, and overall wellbeing.
You'll hear a jaw-dropping story about a dad who went home from a Connection Codes event and used one simple tool (the "ooh") to transform his child's middle-of-the-night meltdowns from 45 minutes of chaos to 2 minutes of connection. This is the power of being emotionally present instead of just physically present.
Key Topics:
- Why loneliness is more damaging to your health than smoking a pack of cigarettes a day
- The difference between geographical absence and relational absence
- How the "still face experiment" reveals what we're all experiencing in our relationships
- Why going to a hotel alone can feel better than being home with your family
- The chronic loneliness of modern parenting and partnership
- How to identify loneliness when it's hiding beneath anger and frustration
- What your brain actually needs when loneliness fires (hint: it's not a crowd)
- Practical tools to move from isolation to genuine connection
This episode is for you if:
- You feel exhausted doing everything by yourself even though people are around
- You'd rather be alone than feel alone with your family
- You're experiencing chronic irritation and don't know why
- You want to stop the cycle of loneliness in your home
- You're ready to understand what your emotions are actually telling you
The Connection Codes aren't just theory—they're tools that work immediately when you implement them. Whether you're a parent trying to connect with your kids, a spouse feeling disconnected, or someone navigating the holiday season with a deep sense of isolation, this episode will give you clarity and actionable steps forward.
Resources Mentioned:
- The Still Face Experiment- Connection Codes events in Europe
- Cincinnati event testimonials
- Upcoming 2026 events
Ready to go deeper?
Get the Core Emotion Wheel - The foundational tool for processing emotions and creating connection www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
Book a Connection Codes Certified Coach - Work one-on-one with someone trained in these tools https://connectioncodes.co/coaches
Want to bring Connection Codes to your church, business, or organization? Email us! We're booking events for 2026 and would love to come to your community.
Keywords: loneliness, emotional health, mental health, marriage communication, parenting tools, emotional regulation, connection, isolation, relationship advice, family therapy, chronic loneliness, emotional intelligence, still face experiment, authentic vulnerability, emotional presence, marriage help, parenting struggles, mental wellness, emotional awareness, relational connection
Episode Description:What if one vulnerable conversation could completely transform your marriage? Dan Purcell, marriage intimacy coach and creator of the Intimately Us app, shares the pivotal moment when a friend's honesty about his sex life turned Dan's world upside down—and ultimately changed the trajectory of his marriage and career.In this raw and honest conversation, Dan opens up about growing up in a conservative environment where sex was taboo, the anxiety that carried into his marriage, and the courage it took to have a five-hour vulnerable conversation with his wife at 9 PM that didn't end until 2 AM. What emerged wasn't just better sex—it was better communication, better parenting, and a completely different level of connection.Glenn and Phyllis explore with Dan the common barriers that keep couples from experiencing rich intimacy, the danger of viewing yourself as superior to your spouse, and why solving sexual problems requires "second-order change"—not just redecorating the kitchen, but remodeling it entirely.Key Topics:- Mental health and emotional vulnerability in marriage- Breaking through sexual shame and conservative upbringings- The courage required for authentic conversations about intimacy- Desire discrepancy and what really causes it- How superiority thinking destroys sexual connection- Moving from transactional to transformational intimacy- The power of one vulnerable conversation to change everything- Creating play and creativity in your sex life- Leadership development through emotional honestyWhat You'll Learn:- Why most couples miss on authentic connection (even when they think they're doing fine)- How to have the scary conversation that could transform your marriage- The real reason behind sexual desire discrepancy (hint: it's not about being too busy)- Why solution-oriented approaches often backfire in intimacy- How to move from wearing masks to true vulnerability with your spouse- Practical tools and games to bring playfulness back to foreplayAbout Our Guest: Dan Purcell is a marriage intimacy coach who helps couples create deeper sexual and emotional connection. After a career-changing conversation eight years ago, he developed the Intimately Us app and now coaches couples full-time, helping them experience breakthrough moments in their marriages.Get your free resources: getyourmarriageon.com/connection-codes- 100 Creative Ways to Initiate Sex guide- 101 Ways to Have Sex guide- Jump Start Guide (books, articles, podcasts, frameworks)Get Your Free Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcastReady to Transform Your Marriage? Book a Connection Codes certified coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches
Episode Description: What happens when both you and your partner are flooded with emotion at the same time? In this behind-the-scenes conversation, Tera Wages and Elijah Runyan (Director of Coaching at Connection Codes) get honest about the messy middle of learning emotional connection tools—and why it's worth pushing through. Elijah shares his journey from nervous breakdown to breakthrough, including the moment his wife stopped mid-conversation and said, "I don't know what's happening right now. What is going on?" He also reveals the phrase that transformed their dynamic: "It's okay for it to hurt for you and it's also okay for it to hurt for me."Whether you're navigating holiday gatherings with triggering family members or trying to figure out why your spouse keeps trying to fix instead of listen, this episode gives you practical language and permission to exist alongside your partner's emotions.
In This Episode:00:00 – Why team conversations become podcasts01:28 – Elijah's story: finding Connection Codes during a rough season04:13 – The first time Elijah "ooh'd" his wife (and her shocked response)06:24 – "It was better before"—was it really?08:17 – Opening Pandora's box: why it gets messier first11:06 – Communicating through your pain vs. communicating your pain14:44 – Why your partner tries to fix you (the logistics revelation)17:10 – When both partners have emotions at the same time20:10 – "I don't want to cause you pain"—the hidden block to vulnerability23:34 – "I have a right to exist"—and so does your partner26:53 – When there's no "fix"—just holding space for mutual hurt30:48 – Applying this to family, kids, and holiday gatherings32:39 – What to say when someone's communicating through emotion34:15 – Elijah's Core Emotion Wheel check-in
Keywords: emotional health, marriage advice, relationship tools, mental health awareness, communication skills, conflict resolution, emotional intelligence, couples therapy alternative, leadership development, holiday stress, family relationships
Resources Mentioned:Get the Core Emotion Wheel (free): www.connectioncodes.co/podcastBook a Connection Codes Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coachesLearn about School of Connection: connectioncodes.co
Get Connected:Website: www.connectioncodes.coInstagram: @connectioncodesElijah Runyan's Website: runyanstronghealth.comElijah on Instagram: @elijahjrunyan
What happens when a pastor discovers he's been missing his wife emotionally for years—not from lack of love, but from lack of tools?In this powerful conversation, Dr. Glenn Hill sits down with Friedemann Pache, a Connection Codes certified coach from Germany, to discuss his transformation from emotional shutdown to vulnerable connection. Friedemann shares the raw truth about his 18-year marriage, his journey through pastoral ministry where he learned to ignore his body's signals, and the moment he realized he didn't know how to share emotions despite wanting deep connection with his wife, Katarina.
This episode reveals:
Keywords: emotional health, marriage advice, pastoral burnout, emotional intimacy, relationship transformation, men and emotions, communication in marriage, emotional vocabulary, vulnerability in leadership, mental health for pastors, marriage counseling, emotional connection tools, overcoming loneliness in marriage, healthy relationships, faith and mental health
What You'll Learn:
Featured Guest: Friedemann Pache is a Connection Codes certified coach based in Lüneburg, Germany. After 16 years in pastoral ministry, he now helps German-speaking individuals and couples discover emotional health and authentic connection. He's married to Katarina for 18 years, father to two teenagers, and is passionate about bringing the Connection Codes methodology to Europe.
Resources Mentioned:
Join the Connection Codes Community: This podcast is for anyone tired of surface-level relationships and ready for emotional health that actually transforms your marriage, parenting, and leadership. Get your free Core Emotion Wheel and start your journey today.
Subscribe & Review: If this episode resonated with you, please subscribe and leave a review. Your support helps us reach more people who need these tools for emotional connection and mental health.
Episode Description:What starts with downloading a simple emotion wheel? For Annemiek Vernhout, it sparked a complete transformation—in her marriage, her parenting, and ultimately led her to bring Connection Codes to an entire country.In this powerful conversation recorded in the Netherlands, Annemiek shares her vulnerable journey from feeling emotionally disconnected and stuck in her head to becoming a Connection Codes coach who hosted a groundbreaking event that impacted 70 people in one day.In this episode, you'll discover:- Why recognizing emotions (not just feeling them) changes everything in relationships- The common mistake parents make when responding differently than their spouse—and what to do instead- How fear almost stopped Annemiek from asking for what she needed most- Why "a new way of living" feels weird at first (and why that's completely normal)- The difference between processing emotions through journaling versus using the Core Emotion Wheel- How to help your kids recognize emotions without forcing them to "do the wheel"- What happens when you lead with emotion instead of logistics in difficult conversations- Why anger isn't your enemy—it's the fuel that helps you accomplish hard things- The micro moments that matter: Thursday night dinners vs. the macro vision of city-wide changeKey Topics: emotional intelligence, emotional processing, marriage communication, parenting with emotional awareness, overcoming fear, vulnerability in relationships, connection in marriage, emotional regulation, mental health tools, leadership development, taking risks, processing emotions, family dynamics, emotional literacyThis episode is for you if:- You feel more in your head than your heart- Your marriage is "fine" but you want deeper connection- You're tired of only talking about logistics with your spouse- You want your kids to be emotionally intelligent- You have a fear of asking for help or sharing your needs- You sense there's a better way to live but don't know where to startResources Mentioned:- Get the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast- Book a Connection Codes Coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches- Foundations Masterclass: www.connectioncodes.co/foundations- Visit www.connectioncodes.nl to connect with AnnemiekAbout Annemiek Vernhout:Annemiek is a Connection Codes coach based in the Netherlands. Married to Bastiaan for 14 years with a 12-year-old son Nathan, she discovered Connection Codes through a Facebook message two years ago. This summer, she became a certified coach and recently hosted Connection Codes' first major event in the Netherlands, impacting 70 people in one day. She has a heart for teaching and bringing emotional connection tools to her community and beyond.
What happens when you've spent a lifetime being silent—and suddenly, you can't do it anymore?
In this powerful conversation, Connection Codes coach Laurel Simpson shares the moment that changed everything: a walk with her husband John where she realized she had to rebel against the silence that was suffocating her marriage and her mental health.
After years of caretaking her mom through Alzheimer's, living in chronic dysregulation, and navigating her husband's anger while drowning in her own fear, Laurel reached a breaking point. The phrase that haunted her since childhood—"shut up, shut down, shut off"—was no longer sustainable.
In this episode, you'll discover:
For couples navigating crisis, individuals feeling voiceless in their relationships, or anyone who's been told to "shut up" their entire life—this episode is for you.
Laurel demonstrates the Core Emotion Wheel and shares her current experience with grief, transition, and the ongoing work of staying connected to herself and others.
Keywords: emotional health, mental health podcast, marriage communication, breaking emotional silence, chronic dysregulation, processing emotions, finding your voice, relationship healing, emotional safety, nervous system regulation, marriage after trauma, caregiver burnout, emotional processing, healthy relationships, leadership through vulnerability
Resources mentioned:
Ready to get started?
What happens when a simple email about work scripts triggers a complete relationship nosedive? In this raw, unfiltered episode, we witness Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill work through an actual conflict from the day before—and discover how identity loss was at the root of their disconnect.
This isn't theory. This is real marriage work happening in real-time.
You'll discover:
Key Timestamps:
This episode is essential for:
Resources Mentioned:
Download the Core Emotion Wheel: www.connectioncodes.co/podcast
Work with a certified Connection Codes coach: https://connectioncodes.co/coaches
Explore the School of Connection for deep-dive marriage transformation
Topics: marriage conflict resolution, emotional health in relationships, identity crisis in marriage, emotional processing, leadership and emotional intelligence, relationship repair, overcoming disconnection, mental health in marriage, core emotions, validation in relationships
Episode 188: Identity Over Truth - Why We're All Desperate to Be Seen
In this powerful episode, Tera Wages and Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill explore why humans prioritize identity over truth—and how this fundamental need shapes everything from our marriages to the polarizing world we see online.
What You'll Learn:
Key Topics Covered:
Resources:
Follow Connection Codes:Instagram: @connectioncodesFacebook: Connection CodesWebsite: www.connectioncodes.co
In this deeply vulnerable episode, Dr. Glen and Phyllis continue their real-time conflict from last week, diving into the messy reality of what it looks like when one partner is thriving while the other is just beginning to recover from burnout. Recorded just moments after a morning conflict, this episode captures the raw, unscripted reality of navigating relationship pain when one person has no reserves left and the other is wondering when things will feel "normal" again. Glen and Phyllis, along with host Tera Wages, explore the invisible weight of mental and emotional labor in relationships, how partners experience the same events differently and arrive at different emotional places, the fear and uncertainty of not knowing how long a partner's pain will last, identity crisis and what it means to feel completely empty of reserves, the importance of getting curious instead of trying to fix, why processing pain 10,000 times is actually healthy (not a problem), how to support a partner who is in a season of deep transition, and the power of doing the Core Emotion Wheel regularly, especially during hard seasons. You'll learn why one partner can feel like they "sprinted" across the finish line while the other "crawled," how to recognize when mental/emotional labor is just as taxing as physical labor, the difference between desire and capacity in your body, why it's crucial to turn toward your partner and share your emotions in the moment, how to invite your partner back into connection when they miss with you, why identity pain is the greatest pain and requires the most patience, and the importance of slowing down and asking "Ooh, tell me more" instead of problem-solving. Whether you're the partner crawling across the finish line or the one wondering when your spouse will "bounce back," this episode offers permission to feel all of it, process it together, and remember that you're not broken—you're just human.
Chapters:
00:00:00 - Disclaimer
00:02:30 - "I Don't Know If This Is a 5 Year or 25 Year Plan"
00:05:50 - Phyllis's Perspective: "I'm Still Discovering Me"
00:10:40 - The Identity Crisis: Selling the Company and Losing a Lane
00:13:00 - Learning to Feel Emotions for the First Time: "Oh, That's What Burnout Feels Like"
00:21:05 - "I Have No Reserves": A New Experience
00:22:10 - Desire vs. Capacity: Learning to Listen to Your Body
00:24:10 - Different Experiences at the Finish Line: "I Crawled, You Sprinted"
00:40:00 - Identity Pain Is the Greatest Pain
00:42:00 - "I Just Want You to Turn to Me"
00:47:20 - The Lifeline: Using the Core Emotion Wheel in Hard Seasons
Links and Resources:
Take the Connection Codes Assessment
Watch previous episodes on navigating conflict
Connect with us on Instagram: @connectioncodes
Tera, Dr. Glenn, and Phyllis dive into the powerful interplay between vulnerability and safety in relationships. Drawing from personal stories, cultural examples, and decades of work with Connection Codes, they unpack how many of us were raised to silence emotions—and how this creates barriers to intimacy. The hosts explore why vulnerability is not weakness but the very act that creates safety, and how micro-moments of authentic sharing lay the foundation for trust. With practical insights, like using the Core Emotion Wheel and reframing fear, this conversation equips you to transform your relationships into safe spaces where real connection can thrive
Chapters:
- 00:00:00 - TV shows and vulnerability
- 00:01:20 - Introducing core concepts
- 00:04:51 - Childhood lessons on suppression
- 00:07:51 - The vulnerability paradox
- 00:11:12 - Unfamiliar territory
- 00:15:30 - Foundation-building moments
- 00:19:24 - Recognizing safe people
- 00:23:30 - Fear vs. safety
- 00:28:39 - Everyday vulnerability
- 00:35:26 - The cab story
- 00:41:42 - Authenticity without guarantees
- 00:47:35 - Losing and finding relationships
- 00:53:01 - The Core Emotion Wheel
- 00:58:04 - Starting your journey
Links and Resources:
- https://connectioncodes.co/
- https://connectioncodes.co/get-the-cew
- https://www.amazon.com/Connection-Codes-Blueprint-Creating-Relationships-ebook/dp/B093TLDT71
In this episode Tera, Dr. Glenn, and Phyllis take on one of the most misunderstood and weaponized words in relationships: forgiveness. They unpack why simply saying “I forgive you” rarely brings peace, and how unprocessed pain lingers in the body long after conflict. Through personal stories, faith reflections, and the practical tools of the Connection Codes, they reveal why true healing comes through release—acknowledging, voicing, and processing hurt in safe spaces. Listeners will learn how to move beyond judgment, create authentic emotional connection, and experience freedom without erasing their pain or enabling harmful dynamicsChapters:
Links and Resources:
- Connection Codes Emotion Wheel - https://connectioncodes.co/wheel-download
- Connection Codes Book - https://www.amazon.com/Connection-Codes-Blueprint-Creating-Relationships/dp/B093QCHZ76
- Become a Connection Codes Coach - https://connectioncodes.co/certified-coaching#certifiedcoachingtopofhome
In this vulnerable and empowering conversation, host Tera Wages sits down with Ally Bullock — licensed marriage and family therapist, Head of Relationships at Paired, and creator of Relationships with Ally. Together, they unpack the realities of sex and intimacy after parenting. From mismatched desire and the weight of invisible labor, to the science behind stress and sexual satisfaction, Ally shares practical strategies couples can use to reconnect. Listeners will hear real-life stories, expert insights, and powerful tools — like co-regulation rituals, responsive desire reframes, and scheduling intimacy — that can transform the way partners approach connection in the busiest seasons of life.
Chapters:
Links and Resources:
Relationship with Aly Website:
In this powerful conversation, Dr. Glenn and Phyllis talk with Paul and Hannah McClure—musicians, parents, and certified Connection Codes coaches—about the journey of learning to process emotions instead of drowning in them. The McClures share openly about walking through miscarriage, facing parenting challenges, and breaking free from long seasons of disconnection. They describe how simple tools like the Core Emotion Wheel gave them language for their feelings, transformed their marriage, and reshaped the way they connect as a family. This episode is an invitation to slow down, honor what you feel, and discover how vulnerability can lead to lasting healing and deeper relationships.Chapters:
00:00:00 – Welcome to the Connection Codes Podcast
00:00:57 – Meet Paul & Hannah
00:01:34 – Story of meeting as teens and family background
00:02:41 – Discovery of the program in 2020 through webinars
00:03:15 – How the tools helped process miscarriage
00:04:44 – Reflection on “choose joy” culture and parenting impact
00:05:31 – Childhood experience of suppressing emotions
00:07:23 – Demonstration of the Core Emotion Wheel
00:09:27 – Feelings of anger, guilt, and loneliness in friendships
00:11:16 – Fear about an album release and hurt from a trip
00:13:00 – Key victories and struggles with the tools
00:14:23 – Resolving conflict in Hawaii by naming hurt
00:17:30 – How minutes of processing prevent days of disconnect
00:19:51 – Example of using the wheel during a cancer diagnosis
00:25:00 – Motivation for becoming coaches
00:27:18 – Coaching removed the pressure of having all the answers
00:30:04 – How unprocessed joy can lead to poor choices
00:32:04 – The wheel as a manual for navigating trauma
00:37:29 – Fear of drowning in emotions
00:40:10 – Seeing past anger to identify underlying hurt
Links and Resources:
Tera Wages sits down with Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill to unpack the heart behind launching the School of Connection. Together, they explore why disconnection is one of the most dangerous forces in marriages, families, and workplaces, and how community becomes the missing piece for lasting transformation. With real stories of parents using the Core Emotion Wheel, couples breaking the cycle of conflict, and individuals rediscovering hope, this conversation reveals a clear path from isolation to authentic connection. If you’ve ever longed for deeper relationships or wondered how to move from surviving to thriving, this episode offers practical tools and an inspiring vision for healing through connection
Chapters:
Links and Resources:
For nearly two decades, Zephan and Sarah's marriage was in "survival mode". On the surface, everything seemed "fine," but underneath, a painful disconnect was growing—one partner felt "particularly lonely," while the other "had no idea". A pivotal moment during a podcast recording led to an emotional "dam break," forcing them to confront years of unspoken pain. In this episode, Zephan and Sarah share their powerful journey of moving beyond a "people pleaser" dynamic and ineffective relationship "rules". They discuss navigating the chaotic first six months—a period they call "Pandora's Box"—to build a foundation of true emotional safety and transform their communication, learning how to become a true "witness for your life".
Chapters:
00:00:00 - Welcome to the Connection Codes Podcast
00:03:16 - Meet Zephan & Sarah
00:04:12 - Why Connection Codes Was Different: How it became a "way of life," not just a quick fix.
00:05:13 - The First 10 Years: Reflecting on the intensity and "survival mode" of early marriage.
00:06:11 - The Turning Point: A failed podcast recording reveals one partner's hidden pain.
00:08:43 - Defining Connection: The pain caused by differing views on what connection looks like.
00:09:36 - The People-Pleaser Dynamic: How managing a partner's emotions prevents intimacy.
00:10:30 - The Problem with "Rules": Why rule-based methodologies for relationships often fail.
00:11:08 - The Core Principle of Safety: The commitment to "be safe for one another."
00:13:37 - The "Dam Break" of Loneliness: Finding the language to define loneliness within the marriage.
00:15:12 - Learning to "Ooh" a Partner's Pain: Validating a partner without taking on their pain as shame.
00:15:53 - Seeing "Micro-Resisting": Noticing the pattern of people resisting each other's emotions.
00:16:56 - The Journey of Oohing Yourself: Not resisting your own emotions as a path to self-discovery.
00:22:39 - Finding Your Voice: How a safe group environment helps in sharing difficult emotions.
00:23:58 - A New Way to Argue: Moving from "I'm not enough" to "I'm feeling lonely."
00:29:41 - The "Pandora's Box" Phase: The scary and difficult first six months of doing the work.
00:31:05 - How to Navigate Early Stages: Advice on staying curious to find connection at the bottom of the pain.
00:36:40 - The Vital Role of Community: How supportive friends were essential to their journey.
00:38:43 - A Partner as a "Witness": The profound purpose of a committed partnership.
Links and Resources:
Dr. Glenn and Phyllis Hill welcome their grandson, Asher Hill, to share his journey of learning and practicing the Connection Codes Core Emotion Wheel from a young age. That foundation became life-saving when, at just 14 years old, he was hit with the emotional weight of his mother’s cancer diagnosis. Now 16, Asher reflects on how this tool has carried him through high school pressures, football struggles, panic attacks, and family conflicts—and even how he uses it with his girlfriend to build a safe, honest relationship. His story proves that emotional intelligence isn’t just for adults—no one is too young to learn it—and that authentic communication and safe spaces for vulnerability can transform every relationship, from family to friendships to future partnerships.
Chapters:
(00:00:00) Introduction & Disclaimer(00:02:59) Meet Asher(00:05:14) Why Asher is on the Podcast(00:06:59) Early Memories of Connection Codes(00:08:06) Cousin Conflict(00:10:38) The "Three Sentences" Rule(00:12:56) The Core Emotion Wheel as a "Game Changer"(00:15:56) Learning as We Go(00:19:12) A Cousin-Led Resolution(00:21:44) Navigating a Mother's Illness(00:26:28) Emotional Suppression as a Coping Mechanism(00:27:32) Inhale, Exhale: The Flow of Emotions(00:29:07) The Gym Analogy for Emotions(00:30:44) The Weight of Unprocessed Feelings(00:36:11) Asher's Core Emotion Wheel(00:38:23) Using the Wheel in a Relationship
Links and Resources: