Send us a text Listeners! We're back! We have missed you! Have you missed us? (don't answer that) We're back for a quick interim ep to talk about the crime dramas we did and didn't watch over Christmas. Don't worry, there are no spoilers this week, so if you haven't watched anything and are planning to catch up, then you can listen with confidence. Unless you are looking forward to The Good Ship Murder. We may burst your bubble on that one. Plus, you get an unnecessarily detailed synops...

Send us a text Bonjour! We're in Paris and our detective, Maigret, is investigating a series of stabbings. Unfortunately for him the press, his boss, and sometimes his wife, all think he's doing a RUBBISH job. But fear not, with the help of his pipe and fedora, he will solve this case. But not before there are a couple more killings. He gets his man and, would you believe it, the problem was WOMEN all along. Having said all that, we really liked this one! We also enjoyed envisioning Row...

Send us a text What do a harpoon, a corkscrew, a giant toblerone, and Jane McDonald's secretions all have in common? They're all murder weapons of course! Welcome to the delightfully bonkers Death on the Tyne! This isn't our usual speed but we loved it, especially as it stars our heroine, Sue Johnston. If you fancy murders on a ship, but don't want The Good Ship Murder (and, fair play if you don't) then watch Death on the Nile (the Peter Ustinov one). Once you've done that, watch ...

Send us a text Friends, this whole episode is about us finding more Sue Johnston to love, with a bit of Madame Blanc on the side. Actually, this is probably our most chaotic episode yet. Yay! Fear not, we still spend plenty of time in the world of Jean White, aka Madame Blanc, along with dodgy antiques dealers, our foreign language failings, layers of wigs, and, be still our beating hearts, a CHUCKLE BROTHER (Even if we get a bit confused about which Chuckle Brother)! This episode conta...

Send us a text Has "Murphy's Law" ever been compared to the 70's classic "Abigail's Party" before? Well, there's a first time for everything. This early episode of Jimmy Nesbitt's gritty cop drama combines high farce with delicate pathos in a way that is, in Lex's words, "confusing." Which blonde was it?? Stay tuned to find out. This episode contains descriptions of fictionalised violence and, if course, is full of SPOILERS. Our next episode is on "The Madame Blanc Mysteries," sea...

Send us a text Apologies for the tardy release of this one; half term duties disrupted things a smidge! But have no fear, Hetty is here at last. She is on the trail of a poison pen writer who has a whole village gripped in terror - who will be accused of being a shag bandit rubber knickers next?? Sue Johnston graces our screens again at last, albeit in a huge black wig, and thankfully there is no Lozza Fox to upset the balance. Instead we indulge in dubonnet talk, our favourite BBC comp...

Send us a text Let's play Crime Drama bingo! We have a closed circle mystery in a country house with the Met Police drafted in to solve multiple murders featuring arterial spray on the ceiling along with adultery and a splash of incest! Lynley has got it all! Lynley himself has the demeanor of Tory MP harrassing an intern, and his side kick, Havers, has the hairstyle of her name sake, Nigel Havers (who probably has played a Tory MP in his time), but that's not the half of it. We also ha...

Send us a text Oh, the nineties, the decade of crime drama that just keeps giving! Touching Evil is at the gritty end of the scale and has all the tropes we have come to know and roll our eyes at. There is bad arterial spray, good arterial spray, creepy killers, and very low lighting. And at the end of this episode you may understand why we have only been communicating with each other via Jimmy Nesbitt gifs all week. This wasn't our favourite, but at least we have Robson Green's "piercing blu...

Send us a text Welcome to our FIFTIETH EPISODE! (Not including bonus or interimming etc.) This milestone completely passed us by when we were recording this. Never mind. Onwards! Kerry Godliman plays our heroine, Pearl Nolan, and there is a suitable amount of silliness on offer in Whitstable Pearl. However, we'd had a couple of little drinkies and get waylaid along some tangents. We discuss bad crisp flavours, Lex's inability to relax wearing clothes, appropriate wedding canopes, DIY fa...

Send us a text *The version that we initially published was dodgy - nowt untoward, but Lily's track blanked out for 15 mins. Maybe you'd prefer it like this? Anyway, this version should be complete. Apols!* London Kills... a great tagline for our capital city? Possibly not, but not a bad programme as it turns out. A body is found under some decking in the garden of a student house in Camden. A STUDENT house. In CAMDEN. With a GARDEN. Forget the murder, this is a mystery that needs inves...

Send us a text Lex is in Turkey and Lily is FINE with that. Our next episode is on "London Kills" season two, episode one. It is available on BBC Iplayer in the UK, Acorn TV and others in the US, and Binge and Foxtel in Australia. Watch out for those buses. Original artwork by Mike Luckie instagram.com/mikeluckieillustration/ Music: Mystery Box by V. Draganov

Send us a text Better late than never! Apologies for the late episode, the combination of lack of WiFi and the school holidays scuppered us for a few days. But we're here now! In Death Valley! No, not the American one, the one in Wales with all the murders and Dave Coaches from Gavin and Stacey. Basically four weddings and not a funeral, but someone who dies because laxative poisoning made their head explode...or something. Lex's sound is dodgy on this one but really, it's all rel...

Send us a text Welcome to Vincent AND TEAM. Because Vincent would be nothing without his team. Well, he would be dead or in prison. And that's what happens when you try and deal with things just using your fists. Anyway, it turns out that Lex really likes Ray Winstone, and arterial spray (although not together), and that her first born slept really well as a baby. Lily is also fussy about arterial spray but has no such feelings about Ray Winstone, nor similar memories of her babies.&nbs...

Send us a text Detective Chief Superintendent Christopher Foyle has a crime to solve, and it's in a Funk Hole (brother, check it out now)! It's WWII and there are crimes aplenty, most of them in said funk hole, which is not an underground bar, but an excuse for a hotel putting up those who wish to tap out of the war, and can afford to do so. There are a couple of deaths, some stolen tinned ham, and even accusations of sedition against Foyle himself! Tune in now to find out not only what...

Send us a text Trigger warning - there is a LOT of talk of sexual assault in this episode as it is the main theme of the program we are discussing. If you'd rather give this one a swerve, we completely understand and we'll see you again next time. Brighton, 2012: Lots of women are attacked in Brighton by a man in a rubber suit, wielding a sex toy. Brighton, 2023: The rubber suit man is back, and Roy Grace is out to get him. There's a lot to be grossed out by in this episod...

Send us a text Two middle aged women talk about what they're watching on TV and forget a lot of people's names. Our next full length episode will be on on 13th June 2025 and will be on "Grace" season three, episode one, "Dead Like You." It's as sinister as it sounds. Original artwork by Mike Luckie instagram.com/mikeluckieillustration/ Music: Mystery Box by V. Draganov

Send us a text Another pheasant shoot, another dead (human) body. Get new interests, people! These shoots aren't safe! This is especially true for the high ranking hobbyists of Westershire police force, ACC Fisher, and Inspector Henry Crabb. Henry is a chef and a policeman, because why not? He's also not great with cash and manages to lose a wad of it in the opening scenes. Because of this he winds up catering the shoot in question and, naturally, having to investigate the death of the ...

Send us a text At last! The long awaited Ellis! Channel Five have come good with this one (adverts notwithstanding) as Ellis is not half bad. Sharon D. Clarke is pretty fab, if a bit brooding, in the title role, and the story holds together so long as you don't think about it too much, which, of course, we do. There are citizen journalists, the most annoying woman in the world, a kid with a drone, a man running round clutching his amputated hand, and an absolutely incompetent murderer. We als...

Send us a text Hey crime drama lovers, Sorry about the lack of a proper episode this week - Lex has been facing challenges at work that even a team including Jane Tennison, Endeavour Morse, Sherlock Holmes, and Jackson Brodie would struggle to overcome. We will get "Ellis" out to you next week! In the meantime, here is Lily rambling on for five minutes. Our next episode will be on "Ellis" season one, episode three. This can be found on C5 on demand in the UK, on Apple TV in the ...

Send us a text Welcome to our first episode recorded face to face, in the same room rather than hundreds of miles apart! We had a WONDERFUL time, although the benefit to you is nil. The sound quality is patchy (we had tried for a studio but it was Good Friday and everything was closed) as we were in Lily's airbnb room, and we are horribly hungover as we had been out celebrating Lex's birthday the night before. Having said that, we talk all things Case Histories, from the flawed, if high...