Santa With Muscles (1996)
Directed By: John Murlowski
Starring: Hulk Hogan, Don Stark, Robin Curtis, a man who has starred in nothing but trash.
You thought Ernest Saves Christmas was bad? Well... that's like... you're opinion man. This week we examine another Christmas disaster, this time starring Hulk Hogan as a mean business owner who loses his memory and helps some orphans (including a young Mila Kunis) or some garbage like that. IMDB.com describes Santa with Muscles as: "A heartless millionaire believes he is Santa Claus after an accident renders him amnesiac."
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Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)
Directed By: John R. Cherry III
Starring: Jim Varney, Douglas Seale, Oliver Clark, not Otho from Beetlejuice
We're starting the month of December with an early Christmas gift to you - our first discussion (in I'm sure a long line of) about Ernest movies. This time around, of course it's Ernest Saves Christmas, where Ernest does some shit and Santa and Christmas and Reindeer and other words. IMDB.com describes Ernest Saves Christmas as: "Ernest helps Santa Claus as he searches for his successor."
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Machete Kills (2013)
Directed By: Robert Rodriguez
Starring: Danny Trejo, Mel Gibson, Demián Bichir, Some Bed Pooper
It's been a while since we've talked about Machete, and this time he's got revenge on his mind. After the events of the first film, Machete gets entangled in the government and is sent on a mission from the President of the USA himself. IMDB.com describes Machete Kills as: "The U.S. government recruits Machete to battle his way through Mexico in order to take down an arms dealer who looks to launch a weapon into space."
Catch up on our Machete conversation by listening to our first episode here: Machete (2010)
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Maximum Surge aka 'Game Over' (2003)
Directed By: Jason Bourque
Starring: Woody Jeffreys, Dominika Juillet, Doug Abrahams, That Baywatch Chick and the little Polish guy from Star Trek.
I've got an idea... I have all this old footage from some video games, so why don't we write an entire script around video games and try to incorporate those into some new footage that we can shoot, and then we can pretend like we meant for it to be crappy all along! Then.. we can put one of the kind of known people from one of the video games on the cover and give them top billing! BRILLIANT! IMDB.com describes Maximum Surge (aka 'Game Over') thusly: When a super computer is linked to a video game network, a computer programmer who designed the game must enter the virtual reality world of his fantasies and defeat the computer before it causes a worldwide information crash." CTRL-ALT-KILL-ME.
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Fatal Deviation (1998)
Directed By: James P. Bennett, Shay Casserley, Simon Linscheid
Starring: James P. Bennett, Mikey Graham, Nicole O'Sullivan, Don Potato
Martial Arts are like magic. Practitioners are said to have mystical abilities and are able to perform feats that us mere mortals could only dream about. Practice martial arts and you too can use your powers to defeat the bullies like Don Potato. IMDB.com has this to say about "Fatal Deviation": "A classic good versus evil action flick, mixed with kicks, guns, motorcycles and a hot babe!"
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Invasion USA (1985)
Directed By: Joseph Zito
Starring: Chuck Norris, Richard Lynch, Melissa Prophet
Believe it or not, this is our first foray into Chuck Norris, and there's not a better way to start! Communists are invading the shores of America for some reason and there's no one better than old Charlie Norris to stop them! IMDB.com describes Invasion USA as: "A one-man army comes to the rescue when the United States are invaded by communists."
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Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)
Directed By: Dwight H. Little
Starring:Donald Pleasence, Ellie Cornell, Danielle Harris, A Drunken Priest
To end this years Horrorween we dive into Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers. Set ten years after his original killing spree, (and as if Silver Shamrock never happened) Michael Myers wakes up from a coma the day before Halloween and returns to Haddonfield to find a shitty mask and target his niece that doesn't even know Michael is her uncle. Dr. Loomis is back again too (he wasn't in a coma) complete with crap makeup to scream "NOOOOOOOO!" and to stop ol' Mikey. IMDB.com describes Halloween 4 as: "Ten years after his original massacre, the invalid Michael Myers awakens on Halloween Eve and returns to Haddonfield to kill his seven-year-old niece. Can Dr. Loomis stop him?"
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Directed By: Lamberto Bava
Starring: Urbano Barberini, Natasha Hovey, Karl Zinny, Someone in a movie called K. The Butcher Shitter
In the last movie of the Horrorween Quadrilogy for 2025, it's a zombie (demons?) episode. Demons beat out 'City of the Walking Dead' for our Zombie movie this month, and it has the promise of being very intriguing. The basic story is that random people get invited to a private screening of a movie about teens breaking into Nostradamus' tomb, but then bad stuff starts to go down and what happens in the movie starts happening in the theater too! IMDB.com describes Demons a little less eloquently by saying: "A group of random people are invited to a screening of a mysterious movie, only to find themselves trapped in the theater with ravenous demons."
We Also Talked About:
Go Back and Listen to our Terrifier Trio:
BP's Let's Talk Horror Episode on Return of the Living Dead
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Project: Metalbeast (1995)
Directed By: Alessandro De Gaetano
Starring: Barry Bostwick, Brian Brophy, Mario Burgos, That NYPD Blue Lady
For the third week of horrorween, my true love gave to me - a werewolf moooo-vie! This time it's about a werewolf from Hungary that gets his blood injected into a special agent dude in America who wears fish scale, but IMDB.com would describe Project: Metalbeast a little differently... They say: "In 1974, an unhinged CIA agent injects himself with the werewolf blood he found. After a killing spree, his body is put in suspended animation, then thawed out 20 years later by his crazy boss and a team of unsuspecting doctors."
Big thanks to Spotify for letting a copyright troll take away our intro music!
We Also Talked About:
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Trick or Treat (1986)
Directed By: Charles Martin Smith
Starring: Marc Price, Tony Fields, Lisa Orgolini, Large Marge, The Demon, The Prince of Darkness
For our second installation of this year's HORRORWEEN, the regular crew are joined by BP from the Let's Talk Horror channel, and we're talking the 1986 heavy metal horror film Trick Or Treat. Skippy from "Family Ties" is a future high school shooter who's looking forward to his favorite musician, Sammi Kerr, playing his high school dance. When he dies unexpectedly, Skippy get's a break from the local DJ (played by Gene Simmons) who gives him a record that when played backward can do some special shit. IDMB.com describes Trick or Treat as thusly: "A bullied teenage boy is devastated after the death of his heavy metal idol, Sammi Curr. But as Halloween night approaches, he discovers that he may be the only one who can stop Sammi from making a Satanic comeback from beyond the grave."
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The Lost Boys (1987)
Directed By: Joel Schumacher
Starring: Jason Patric, Corey Haim, Dianne Wiest, That guy who played Jack Bauer, and A Gilmore Girls dude.
To start our Horrorween 2025 programming, we put a poll up on Instagram asking YOU the audience to pick 3 of the movies we talk about this month - these selections were a movie from John, and a movie from Sean. The first pick was today's movie The Lost Boys, about a couple of brothers that move to the Santa Clara, the "murder capitol of the world" and find out that there are some dirtbiking dickheads terrorizing a town. IMDB.com describes The Lost Boys as: " "
We Also Talked About:
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Ghostbusters II (1989)
Directed by: Ivan Reitman
Starring: Bill Murray, Dan Aykroyd, Sigourney Weaver, Another Director and That Guy from Oz and some guy who shrunk some kids.
Following up from where they left off 5 years ago (no really, 5 years), the titular Ghostbusters are down and out, making appearances at children's parties where they're upstaged by a clown. When a mysterious slime is found under the city, the Ghostbusters spring back into action to find out what's at the bottom of all that's going down and how it fits in with a baby and a painting of some old turd. IMDB.com describes Ghostbusters II as: "The discovery of a massive river of ectoplasm and a resurgence of spectral activity allows the staff of Ghostbusters to revive the business."
You can check out our original Ghostbusters episode here:
https://open.spotify.com/episode/0FAbDJNk9l796hTaavtgan?si=PMywYCGDS_SnuD7mWoEzCw
We Also Talked About:
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Directed By: Russell Mulcahy
Starring: Denzel Washington, John Lithgow, Ice-T, That one guy named after a fish.
This show was really started as a way to talk about Ricochet. Now that the cat is out of the bag - let me tell you about Ricochet. Denzel Washington and John Lithgow go back and forth over one of the most batshit concepts for a Hollywood movie. IMDB.com describes Ricochet as: "Hitman seeks revenge on a police officer turned District Attorney.", but - it is so much more than that...
We Also Talked About:
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The Glimmer Man (1996)
Directed By: John Gray
Starring: Steven Seagal, Keenen Ivory Wayans, Bob Gunton, That McDonald's Voice Guy.
Steven Seagal is back, and that can only mean one thing - our horrible Steven Seagal imitations are back too (sorry, but we tried to not do it as much). This time he's teaming up with Keenan Ivory Wayans, and they attempt to make an action/comedy, because old Stevie is trying to show you that he has range... IMDB.com describes The Glimmer Man as: "Two cops are forced to work together to solve a chain of mysterious killings by a killer nicknamed "The Family Man"."
We Also Talked About:
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Directed By: Sam Raimi
Starring: Bruce Campbell, Embeth Davidtz, Marcus Gilbert, Mr. Pitt.
We're joined this week by a very special guest - Ryan from https://yougonnaeatthatcrust.com/ - and we're going on and on and on about the last big screen adventure of Ash Williams, on yet another journey to get that damned Necronomicon, but this time he's been sent to the past and needs to fight his way back home against the hordes of deadites and skeletons to get there. IMDB.com describes Army of Darkness as:"When Ash Williams is accidentally transported to 1300 A.D., he must retrieve the Necronomicon and battle an army of the dead in order to return home."
Pretty sure I just said that...
Ryan also talked about:
You can check out the entire Crustaverse, including their social media, website and podcast at the appropriately named https://yougonnaeatthatcrust.com/
Like what you hear here? We're on the youtubes now with our entire new back catalog and some upcoming exclusive content available at https://youtube.com/@deweypodmonster
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Waxwork (1988)
Directed By: Anthony Hickox
Starring: Zach Galligan, Deborah Foreman, Jennifer Basse, that dude that was in Tron
We're joined this week by Boomer from Podcast in the Woods. This time around, Zach Galligan is an entitled prick that is trying to get into a girl's pants, so when she invited him and 4 of his friends to a pop-up waxwork in the neighborhood, he thinks "What the hell?" Maybe his whiny charm and cheeseburger good looks will seal the deal - but he gets more than he bargains for, leading to an all out senior citizen brawl. IMDB.com describes Waxwork as: "A wax museum owner uses his horror exhibits to unleash evil on the world."
Check out Boomer and Gabby's Podcast in the woods at:
https://www.yourunpodcast.com/podcast-10
or on Apple Podcasts
We Also Talked About:
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Hard Target (1993)
Directed By: John Woo
Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Lance Henriksen, Yancy Butler, that one guy who was a mummy in some mummy movies
You can never have too much Van Dammage, or maybe you can. This time around, it's Jean-Claude Van Damme with an amazing mullet in John Woo's American movie debut - HARD TARGET. It's been years since either of us have seen this, so how's it fare? IMDB.com describes HARD TARGET as: "A woman hires a drifter as her guide through New Orleans in search of her missing father. In the process, they discover a deadly game of cat and mouse behind his disappearance."
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War of the Worlds (2025)
Directed By: Rich Lee
Starring: Ice Cube, Eva Longoria, Iman Benson, Agent Coulson
The classic H.G Wells story of "War of the Worlds" has been updated and iterated again - this time rather than someone like Tom Cruise running to save his family from aliens, Ice Cube tries to save the world through a team call. Can a man with all of your online shopping cart within his reach beat off a group of aliens? IMDB.com describes 'War of the Worlds' as: "A colossal invasion of Earth is coming in this off-kilter take on the legendary novel of the same name, filled with present-day themes of technology, government surveillance, and privacy." Grab your Nintendo 64 and get to saving the world!
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Directed By: Lewis Teague
Starring: Robert Forster, Robin Riker, Michael V. Gazzo, That bad guy.
What if I told you that an alligator from Florida got flushed down a toilet in Chicago (John would say it popped up in New York, but you'll have to find out by listening to this episode), and then got pumped full of growth hormones to eventually bust out and kill? I'd say, I'm glad I don't live in Chicago! IMDB.com describes Alligator as: "A pet baby alligator is flushed down a toilet and survives in the city sewers. Twelve years later, it grows to an enormous size thanks to a diet of discarded laboratory dogs injected with growth hormones. Now, humans have entered the menu."
We Also Talked About:
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M3GAN 2.0 (2025)
Directed By: Gerard Johnstone
Starring: Allison Williams, Violet McGraw, Amie Donald, That Guy from Flight of the Conchords
We talked about the original M3GAN back in 2023, and to both of our surprise, we generally liked it. This time around, M3GAN is back, and it's a bit of a tonal shift, to say the least. M3GAN has a T2 moment and has to deal with a new foe. IMDB.com has this to say about M3GAN 2.0: "Two years after M3GAN's rampage, her creator, Gemma, resorts to resurrecting her infamous creation in order to take down Amelia, the military-grade weapon who was built by a defense contractor who stole M3GAN's underlying tech."
We Also Talked About:
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