In this week's reflection on his interview with Shutes—which, of course, you should go listen to—Cody discusses the recurring theme of loneliness among people living with chronic illness or experiencing grief. Or really, anyone. As some of you might know, this year Cody left his job and, more importantly, co-workers he cares deeply for. And so the theme of loneliness applies not just to those with illness, not just those grieving or trying to navigate relationships that can change in the face of mortality, but all of us. Especially at this time of year, when the emphasis on gathering together can many times make us feel even further apart. Please give yourself a few minutes out of your busy holiday schedule to join Cody in a reflection on loneliness and its answer—connection.  And regarding his offer to be there for you if you need it, you can email Cody at dttypod@gmail.com. Peace and love in these days of remembrance and celebration.

“I’m part gargoyle is what I tell people. Because I’m turning to stone. I literally am.” Shutes was living the dream—college basketball national champion, Player of the Year, in the best shape of her life—when strange symptoms started appearing. Numbness in her hands. A sore that wouldn’t heal. She was initially misdiagnosed with lupus before a doctor recognized the signs and finally told her the truth: she has scleroderma, a rare and incurable autoimmune disease. Scleroderma causes the body to produce too much collagen, creating a kind of fibrosis that hardens the body from the inside out. As Shutes says with what you’ll learn is her incredible sense of humor—“I’m part gargoyle!” But of course, beneath that humor is the difficult reality of watching your hands curl into permanent contractures, your jaw dissolve, your lungs stiffen to 56% capacity, and food getting stuck in an esophagus that can no longer move it along. In this deeply honest conversation with Cody, Shutes explains the daily and long-term realities of living with this rare and rarely discussed disease, as well as the isolation that persists even when you have community, the relationships that end because people can’t handle your new reality, the exhaustion of coordinating every basic need, and the choice between living safely or living fully. She also opens up about navigating eating disorder recovery while her disease makes swallowing nearly impossible and feeding tubes loom on the horizon. She talks about losing the athlete’s body she once had, the grief of not being able to play basketball with her son, and the intentional choice she makes every day to go hard, crash, and get back up again. Because for her, it’s the living that’s most important. Consequences be damned...or at least accepted. Follow Shutes on social media @SheShutes This episode is dedicated to Javeeda, who put us in touch with Shutes. Javeeda was a beloved guest of Season 2 and a dear friend of the podcast. She died This episode is dedicated to Javeeda, a beloved guest of Season 2 and dear friend of the podcast who connected Shutes with us. Javeeda died last week after living with her own rare cancer for many years. 

"My main point here is how important it is for you to continue to be your own health advocate."   In this callback episode we check back in with Joe, whose interview aired a few weeks ago but was actually recorded nearly a year ago in December of 2024. Joe has had new developments with his cancer and is now facing the incredibly difficult choice of undergoing life-altering surgery...or not. There is the hope of getting into clinical trials but, as is always the case with disease and treatments, nothing is certain.    Join Cody and Joe as they discuss the emotional and practical challenges of managing recurring cancer and the importance of self-advocacy in healthcare.   This week, we are also releasing Cody's reflection simultaneously with this callback episode and we encourage you to listen, not just for its own updates after we recorded this interview, but also for Cody's thoughts on how we all face our own turning points in life. 

Cody gives us one more update on Joe's progress and shares his thoughts on what it means to facing turning points in our lives, the nature of life's uncertainty—particularly in the context of palliative care—and the difficulty of preparing for the unknown. Cody reflects on the need to have faith in one's ability to navigate through uncertain times, celebrating the small certainties in life while accepting that uncertainty is an inherent and unavoidable part of existence.  If you haven't listened to Joe's episode or his callback, you can find them on our website: https://dttypodcast.com/episodes/s3e10-joe

“The people we have on the podcast, they’re just so special.” Cody and Chris (that’s us!) sit down to toast three amazing years of Dying to Tell You for their annual Thanksgiving gratitudes. As always, we are deeply grateful to the guests who have shared their time and their experiences with us and, through us, with so many others out in the world. Their words, their insights, their emotions—all of it is a gift to anyone listening. And that includes us. But that’s not all we’re grateful for. Sit with us for a minute if you want to hear more. And one last gratitude we’d like to share is our appreciate for the partnership we have with the Iliff School of Theology. They’ve sponsored us this fall and we hope to continue that perfect partnership in the new year.

Joe was just 29 years old when a colonoscopy revealed stage four colorectal cancer—a diagnosis he'd put off for months despite troubling symptoms. What followed was years of surgeries, chemotherapy, an ileostomy, and the constant roller coaster of scans and treatment. When Cody sat down with Joe nearly a year ago, he was doing well and treatment-free, but knowing that every three months a bad scan result could throw him right back into treatment. Joe shares what it's like to feel physically healthy while mentally wrestling with uncertainty every three months. He talks about hard-won wisdom about being your own healthcare advocate, the challenge of balancing quality versus quantity of life, and finding meaning in the face of mortality.  [Be sure to subscribe or check back in, as we followed up with Joe recently and will share that part of his story in our next full episode]

"What am I holding onto so tightly that I would never change?"  Our guest last week (and the week before!), Becca, once declared she'd never undergo treatment again—until her cancer returned and she found herself asking how they'd treat it. We often know exactly what we're going to do in difficult situations...until we don't. This week, Cody reflects on psychological flexibility and the profound courage it takes to change your mind. Why we hold so tightly to old stances, the hubris of declaring what we'd do in someone else's situation, and the strength required to grow and evolve. Join Cody for this brief but powerful exploration of identity, humility, and the grace of changing course. --- For more information on the sponsor of this episode, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective.

"I wanted quality of life over quantity of life. If I have six months, then I will live the hell out of those six months. If I have 30 years, that would be fabulous." After 18 months of cancer treatment that left her in constant pain, Becca made a choice that surprised even her doctors: she stopped treatment, even though it was working. Her scans show no evidence of active disease, yet she's chosen to prioritize quality of life over potentially extending her time. In this honest follow-up to her first episode—a Dying To Tell You Call Back!—Becca shares how she navigated this complex decision with her husband and adult children, what liberation feels like, and why a normal Monday making strawberry shortcake means more than any grand bucket list. She offers powerful insights on patient autonomy, the cost of staying alive, and finding peace outside the narrow confines of her evangelical upbringing. 

“Please—all of you people out there—don’t wait until you’re dying to see the beauty in life.” Becca was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer at 34, went into remission, and eleven years later—when she thought she was in the clear—her cancer returned as stage four metastatic disease. What followed was a journey through brutal treatment side effects, painful decisions about quality versus quantity of life, and a profound reckoning with faith, value, and what it means to live authentically while dying. In this week’s episode, Becca shares her experience leaving evangelical Christianity after her first diagnosis, wrestling with what makes a life worth living when you’re sleeping 14-15 hours a day, and the reality that even within cancer communities, certain truths feel taboo to speak. She talks about the irony of saying “I’ll never treat again” and then, when faced with recurrence, immediately asking “How do we treat this?” Becca’s story is filled with hard-won wisdom about flexibility, authenticity, and the surprising peace that can come from facing uncertainty without the answers she once relied on. Tune in to hear Cody and Becca explore: The gap between what we say we’ll do and what we actually do when facing terminal illness Leaving evangelical Christianity and finding peace in uncertainty as an atheist facing death Quality versus quantity of life: setting boundaries and taking treatment “vacations” Redefining personal value from “a human doing” to “a human being” The loneliness of dying and what’s taboo even in cancer communities How “life isn’t fair” can cut both ways Parenting through terminal illness and the legacy we leave in our children’s minds Patient autonomy: “This is our life. We get to call the shots.” Note: This episode includes a content warning regarding discussion of suicidal ideation and self-harm during Becca's first cancer diagnosis.

🚗💨 The Power of Pumping the Brakes... In this episode, Cody reflects on last week's conversation with Lonnie about the importance of finding meaning and purpose in life, especially when previous sources of meaning are no longer available. Cody delves into the concept of the therapeutic pause and pumping the brakes—taking time to process and make thoughtful decisions in high-stress situations. Drawing from his own experiences in the hospital, Cody discusses how slowing down can help patients and their families cope better with life-changing diagnoses, and how this principle can be applied to our everyday lives. Take a moment to gather yourself and find the peaceful space between stimulus and response. --- For more information on the sponsor of this episode, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective.

"I didn't want to survive. I wanted to live. I knew that I wanted to live." In this episode of Dying to Tell You, Cody sits down with Lonnie, who is living with stage 4 metastatic prostate cancer. Lonnie shares his story from the onset of symptoms to his diagnosis and how he has become an advocate for those living with cancer via social media. He speaks candidly about the emotional rollercoaster, the importance of mental health support, and choosing quality of life over quantity. Lonnie emphasizes the value of support systems and the power of sharing one's story.  Join us to hear Lonnie's heartfelt journey and his inspiring approach to life, even in the face of a terminal diagnosis. Some of the incredibly important aspects Lonnie touches on include: Finding Support After a Cancer Diagnosis Navigating the Diagnosis Rollercoaster Choosing Quality Over Quantity: Treatment Decisions The Importance of Mental Health in Cancer Treatment Finding Purpose Through Advocacy Taking a Treatment Vacations! Reflecting on Quality of Life vs. Quantity of Life Daily Struggles and Mental Resets Coping with Fear And so much more You can find Lonnie on social media @lonnievh For more information on the sponsor of this episode, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective (https://www.iliffdeathcare.com/).

"Don't Just Do Something...Sit There."   In this reflection on his conversation with Sarah last week, Cody delves into the challenging emotion of helplessness, exploring its profound impact on individuals dealing with serious illness and those around them.   How do we handle helplessness? We sit with it, we express it, we witness it. We face it and acknowledge it together, and that's the power of not trying to fix it, but accepting it.   This episode also features a heartfelt message from our By The Way voicemail. If you feel the need to call someone who's no longer with us, leave them a message at 720-600-7056.   ---   This episode is sponsored by Iliff School of Theology, who invite you to explore "Strengthening Embodied Practice for Caregiving," a new course for caregivers to help you calm and balance your nervous system and reconnect with yourself amid the stress and challenges of your work.  Oct 19 – Nov 16 Each week, 90 minutes of guided somatic practices, conversation, and practical tools   To learn more or enroll now, visit iliffdeathcare.com

“I would love it if the afterlife looked like the eighties.” —Sarah In this episode of 'Dying to Tell You,' Cody chats with Sarah Parton, who shares her incredible journey living with ALS (Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis). Sarah talks about her initial shock at the diagnosis, the ups and downs she faces daily, and how she keeps her sense of humor and optimism alive. She opens up about the importance of the ALS community, her coping strategies, and why she decided against invasive treatments. Sarah also gives us a peek into her fun plans for the afterlife, her love for the '80s, and why she’s determined to enjoy every moment. Join Cody and Sarah for a conversation that's full of laughter, heartfelt moments, and inspiration. --- Sarah wants to give a shoutout to two organizations that are amazing resources for anyone facing ALS: Live Like Lou — Supporting families affected by ALS, funding ALS research to find treatments or a cure for Lou Gehrig’s disease, and honoring Lou Gehrig’s legacy. Team Gleason — Empowering people with ALS to live purposeful lives. --- For more information on the sponsor of this episode, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective.

In this reflection on his conversation last week with Caroline, Cody shares his personal journey through grief, resilience, and finding meaning after loss. With candid insights and lessons learned from his own experiences, Cody offers a bit of hope and encouragement to anyone navigating these same literally life-changing challenges.  And if you know Cody, by now you know that one of his greatest mantras is the simple but deeply impactful phrase: And That's Ok. Give a listen to see why. 

This week on "Dying To Tell You," Cody sits down with Caroline, a mother whose world was turned upside down by a devastating diagnosis: brain cancer while 20 weeks pregnant. In this deeply moving conversation, Caroline shares her journey through confusion, heartbreak, and impossible choices—including the decision to end her pregnancy in order to pursue life-saving treatment. With remarkable honesty and grace, Caroline opens up about the emotional and ethical complexities of medical decision-making, the realities of living with a terminal illness, and the enduring power of love and legacy. She reflects on her upbringing, her relationship with mortality and strong belief in reincarnation, and the lessons she hopes to pass on to her daughter. This episode is a testament to the strength of the human spirit in the face of unimaginable challenges. Listen with an open heart as Caroline’s story reminds us of the importance of compassion, nuance, and community—especially when life takes us to the in-between places. If you'd like to learn more about organizations that support women's health, Caroline recommends Free and Just and Abortion in America.  For more information on the sponsor of this episode, Iliff School of Theology and their End-of-Life Doula Certificate Course beginning September 28th, please visit the Iliff Death Care Collective.

In this week's reflection, Cody revisits last week's conversation with Joe, who is facing a diagnosis of multiple myeloma. Cody explores the age-old question that Joe raised: If God is all-powerful and loving, why does suffering exist? Drawing on Joe’s faith, the wisdom of Thomas Aquinas, and stories from other guests, Cody examines how adversity can lead to unexpected growth, meaning, and connection.

“There’s something so precious about every day and every moment and living this beautiful gift.” What does it mean to truly live when tomorrow is not guaranteed? In this moving episode, Joe shares his journey through the unexpected diagnosis of multiple myeloma, the challenges of treatment, and the profound lessons learned along the way. With honesty, humor, and deep faith, Joe invites us to consider what matters most—embracing each day, loving fiercely, and finding hope even in uncertainty. Whether you’re facing your own crossroads or supporting someone you love, Joe’s story is a powerful reminder to seize the moment and live with purpose.

"Inright outright upright downright" Join host Cody for another heartfelt reflection as he revisits last week's uplifting conversation with Aaron, a courageous young cancer patient who is facing his adversity with positivity and faith. (Aaron started back to college this week, by the way, and you can follow him on Tik Tok here!) We often talk about hope and resilience in the face of difficulty, but this week Cody tackles the idea of the difficulties themselves. What if they're not to be avoided? What if the obstacles are the path? We can't be inright outright upright downright happy all the time. And that's ok.  Stay tuned at the end for a mention of By The Way, our voicemail service that lets you leave a message for loved ones who've passed on. We encourage you to call and leave a message at 720-600-7056. 

Find out what happens when a college freshman is faced with a life-changing cancer diagnosis—and chooses hope over fear.  Meet Aaron, our guest this week on Dying To Tell You whose youth and optimism shine through every challenge. Aaron shares how, at just 19, he turned a cancer diagnosis—curable but let's be honest...still cancer—into a source of strength, gratitude, and purpose. His story is a testament to the power of positivity, faith, and the belief that even the toughest news can be the start of something beautiful. A few highlights: The surprising relief and hope that came with a curable cancer diagnosis Aaron’s experience as one of the youngest patients in the chemo ward How youth, faith, and family fueled Aaron’s positive outlook Turning adversity into opportunity: inspiring others while still in college Lessons on gratitude, resilience, and living fully—no matter your age Join host Cody Hufstedler for this conversation filled with inspiration, resilience, and a fresh perspective on life’s hardest moments.  

"We only get to do this life once." In this deeply personal reflection, Cody share his own experience of learning that his mom was in the hospital for chest pain. She underwent bypass surgery and Cody flew home to find himself in the center of a story he's seen played out countless times—in a waiting room with family, anxious to see their loved one recovering in the ICU. Last week's episode with Kelly was such an inspiring reminder for Cody (and for all of us) that sometimes life sends unwelcome invitations. Sometimes we need to be reminded that all of this that we know and love is fleeting, so that we can embrace every bit of it while we can. As Cody shares in quoting from Mary Oliver, "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" This episode also features another message from our By The Way voicemail box, where you can leave a message for anyone who has died. If you'd like to leave your own message, call 720-600-7056 and let them know what you've left unsaid. Messages could be played on a future episode or featured on our website dttypodcast.com