You know your old and forgotten when Friday night has passed and the only thing you were looking forward to was a message. Then it’s 3:30am Saturday and not one message came in 🤪
If you are feeling lonely on a Friday night and you have friends or family members you could call, you might decide the best way to tackle the issue is to reach out to someone. You might find that talking on the phone helps. Or, you might invite someone to spend time with you.
If you reach out to people and no one responds, you might feel even lonelier. But, then you’ll know to tackle the problem from a different angle. Address how you feel about being lonely, rather than try to connect with someone.
Why am I feeling lonely and depressed?
People experience loneliness, leading to depression, for a number of different reasons.
When it comes to loneliness, a person will typically feel alone when the relationships in their life lack the intensity, intimacy and authenticity that they need to feel content. It’s not necessarily about being physically surrounded by people—because you might feel especially lonely in a crowd—but about your mentality. When you feel lonely, it’s usually because you aren’t quite satisfied with what you have, whether it’s in that moment or throughout your life.
Loneliness happens for a number of reasons, including:
Losing someone close to you
Getting a divorce or ending a relationship
Retiring, becoming unemployed or changing jobs
Entering higher education or changing your school, college or university
Relocating to an area away from family, friends and colleagues
Going through seasonal events such as Christmas, birthdays or anniversaries
Experiencing a traumatic life event, particularly if it remains unaddressed
Experiencing a mental health condition or addiction, particularly if it remains unaddressed
There are also many reasons as to why people experience depression, many of which overlap with what can cause loneliness. These can include the following:
Experiencing trauma, especially during childhood
Going through a distressing life event such as losing your job, getting a divorce or losing someone you love
Struggling with serious and/or chronic physical health problems
Having a family history of depression or other mental health problems
Having previous experiences with mental health problems
Having certain personality traits such as being very self-critical or having low self-esteem
When people feel lonely and depressed, they will typically have low self-esteem too.
If you find that you constantly berate yourself for feeling down, think about what you’d say to a friend going through something like this and what you’d do to help them feel better. Rather than being self-critical, remember that you deserve compassion too, so treat yourself kindly in any moment when you aren’t feeling so good.
If you're feeling lonely because you don't believe any of your relationships are substantive, now's your chance to do something about it. Yeah, you might get rejected, but eventually you'll find someone.
Examine and enhance your current relationships
Which people in your life make you feel great? Make regular plans with them and try really hard to maintain these relationships. Even a regular phone or video chat can be a good way to connect.
Many people are ashamed to admit they feel lonely because they associate the experience with social isolation and otherness, he adds. But refusing to come to terms with your loneliness means putting off your chance to do something about it.
Doing something nice for other people can help you feel better. It may also help you feel more connected to the community.
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