Happy Holidays, y’all! As the year comes to a close, we’re taking a short break from our regularly scheduled podcast episodes to rest, reset, and be present. As a little holiday gift, we’re sharing a conversation from the Patreon vault that you may have missed. If you enjoy conversations like this, join us on Patreon for weekly bonus conversations after every podcast.
In this Patreon vault episode, Glen and Yvette unpack a viral and troubling clip where Young Thug admits he would feel “less of a man” if his partner went to therapy. From there, the conversation widens into a powerful discussion about ego, control, emotional safety, and why discouraging therapy is a major red flag — not masculinity.
They talk honestly about why no one person can (or should) be everything for their partner, the importance of having trusted people outside your relationship, and how healthy love actually encourages growth rather than isolating it. Glen shares why leaning on close friends and therapy has been essential for him, and Yvette reflects on why that support doesn’t threaten marriage — it strengthens it.
The episode also touches on friendships, safe spaces, healing masculinity, and how parenting (especially raising a daughter) sharpens awareness around emotional health and self-worth.
This conversation is candid, thought-provoking, and grounding — especially for anyone navigating relationships, mental health, or redefining strength and support.
👉 Join us on Patreon for weekly bonus conversations and exclusive content:
www.patreon.com/HMAY
Happy Holidays, y’all! As the year comes to a close, we’re taking a short break from our regularly scheduled podcast episodes to rest, reset, and be present. As a little holiday gift, we’re sharing a conversation from the Patreon vault that you may have missed. If you enjoy conversations like this, join us on Patreon for weekly bonus discussions after every podcast.
In this vault conversation, Glen and Yvette explore a question many people wrestle with quietly: Can you marry someone hoping they’ll change — and is that fair? They unpack the difference between growth and expectation, why marrying “potential” can create pressure and resentment, and the importance of accepting who someone is right now, not who you hope they’ll become.
They also talk about dating with intention, how church culture and timelines can blur discernment, and why observing real-life behavior — especially around children, responsibility, and family roles — matters before making lifelong commitments.
The episode then shifts into a heartfelt reflection on parenting, particularly how raising a daughter has reshaped self-awareness, healing, and urgency around personal growth. From body image conversations to protecting innocence, it’s an honest look at how becoming parents often forces us to confront ourselves.
This conversation is reflective, humorous, and grounding — perfect for anyone dating seriously, married and reassessing expectations, or parenting while still growing.
👉 Join us on Patreon for weekly bonus conversations and exclusive content:
www.patreon.com/HMAY
This episode centers on one big listener question: Did I romanticize my husband — and overlook red flags while dating?
A newly married listener from South Africa writes in just three months after the wedding, struggling with harsh words during conflict, old wounds resurfacing, and the fear that she may have confused spiritual compatibility with true emotional safety.
We unpack what “gentleness” should look like in marriage, how triggers differ from cruelty, and why sober-minded dating matters more than shared ministry or chemistry.
And… BIG NEWS: Yvette is officially an author! We talk through her new devotional Release • Rest • Remain, the John 15 rhythm that helped her rebuild her spiritual foundation, and why preorders matter for first-time authors.
✨ What You’ll Hear
Chocolate Baby Storytime: evil drawings, angel drawings, and toddler chaos
Uzi’s 6-goal hockey game & homeschool updates
The story behind Release • Rest • Remain and how the devotional was born
Listener Email: Did I romanticize this relationship?
Emotional triggers vs. emotional harm in early marriage
The importance of gentleness, safety, and sober-minded dating
How upbringing and humor styles shape conflict
Patreon preview: the viral “flat tire” clip & weaponized tears
“How Married Are You?” moments
📚 Resources & Links Order Yvette’s Devotional: 👉 Release, Rest, Remain: A 30-Day Devotional to Embrace Abiding Over Striving https://a.co/d/4ATlBWO
Glen’s Book — Father Yourself First: 👉 https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555
🎧 Audiobooks Available wherever audiobooks are sold.
📍 Follow @beleafmel https://www.instagram.com/beleafmel
💍 Premarital Advantage (PMA) https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.mykajabi.com/offers/VAbsx8N2
🌿 Patreon Community www.patreon.com/HMAY 💬
Join the Conversation Have you ever looked back and realized you romanticized a relationship? How did you regain clarity or rebuild trust? Share below.
This episode dives into one major listener question: Are we unequally yoked? A 31-year-old Christian single mom writes in, deeply in love and preparing for engagement — but scared that her Protestant faith and her partner’s Eastern Orthodox roots might create cracks later. We unpack theology vs. lifestyle, how beliefs show up in everyday routines, and what unity actually looks like when two people worship differently but love Jesus fully.
We also share a joyful, chaotic Chocolate Baby Storytime from a commercial shoot involving $15k cameras, water balloons, and children who absolutely refused to listen 😂. And… BIG NEWS: Yvette is officially an author! We talk through her new 30-day devotional Release, Rest, Remain: A 30-Day Devotional to Embrace Abiding Over Striving and why this rhythm has helped her heal, surrender, and stay grounded.
Plus, a vulnerable update from our “4th baby mama” listener and a needed reminder that shame from strangers online is not your inheritance.
This one is heartfelt, thoughtful, funny, and full of real clarity for anyone navigating faith, family, and long-term commitment.
✨ What You’ll Hear
📚 Resources & Links
Order Yvette’s Devotional:
👉 Release, Rest, Remain: A 30-Day Devotional to Embrace Abiding Over Striving: https://a.co/d/4ATlBWO
Father Yourself First (Glen’s Book):
👉 https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555
🎧 Audiobook:
Glen narrates the full audiobook wherever audiobooks are sold.
📍 Follow @beleafmel for tour dates, signings & updates
https://www.instagram.com/beleafmel
💍 Premarital Advantage (PMA):
Tools for dating, engaged, or rebuilding couples
https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.mykajabi.com/offers/VAbsx8N2
🖤 Saturday Men’s Group (Black men | 7 a.m. PT):
Join the Father Meet-Up
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81971875325?pwd=cY3k96A8j1b0WMLPHF5ym0bNSNaRdj.1
🌿 Patreon Community:
Longer episodes + behind-the-scenes + mentorship tiers
www.patreon.com/HMAY
💬 Join the Conversation
Have you ever dated someone from a different church tradition?What helped you find unity — or clarity that it wasn’t the right fit?
Drop your story below. Your insight might guide someone today.
❤️ If This Helped You
Like, subscribe, and share with someone navigating faith differences, parenting, or big relationship decisions.
This episode centers on two powerful listener emails — one from a man afraid his insecurity is destroying a healthy relationship, and another from a woman untangling herself from a four-year situationship filled with hidden children, heartbreak, miscarriages, and blurred co-parenting lines.
We talk honestly about trust, emotional safety, soul-ties, red flags, and why some relationships can’t be prayed into health.
Around the emails, we also share a hilarious family moment involving an accidental birds-and-bees talk at dinner, and a quick update on the book tour and Patreon goals.
This one is vulnerable, grounded, and full of clarity for anyone trying to love better and choose wiser.
✨ What You’ll Hear
📚 Resources & Links
Order the book:
👉 Father Yourself First
https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555
Audiobook:🎧 Glen narrates the full audiobook wherever audiobooks are sold.
Tour dates & signings:
📍 Follow @beleafmel for ATL, LA, NYC + more
https://www.instagram.com/beleafmel
Premarital Advantage (PMA):
💍 Tools for dating, engaged, or healing singles
https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.mykajabi.com/offers/VAbsx8N2
Saturday Men’s Group (Black men | 7 a.m. PT):
Join the Father Meet-Up
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81971875325?pwd=cY3k96A8j1b0WMLPHF5ym0bNSNaRdj.1
Patreon Community:
🌿 Longer episodes + ad-free + behind-the-scenes
www.patreon.com/HMAY
💬 Join the Conversation
What was the moment you realized a relationship wasn’t safe for your heart?
Drop it below — your wisdom might free somebody.
❤️ If This Helped You
Like, subscribe, and share with someone navigating trust, blended families, or heartbreak healing.
In this episode, we read an email from a listener who loves her boyfriend but doesn’t feel like his first choice. We talk insecurity vs. truth, attraction, healing from past relationships, and how to discern if you’re being chosen or just convenient.
Plus, Chocolate Baby Storytime with a family rap session, camping trip confessions, and updates on Premarital Advantage, Father Yourself First, and the Saturday men’s group for Black men.
✨ What You’ll Hear
When “I’ve got a wandering eye” is actually a confession
The difference between normal attraction and shopping for better options
Why journaling your story brings clarity
Feeling chosen vs. feeling like a backup plan
How past trauma shapes dating patterns
Why inexperience can actually be a dating superpower
Choosing your “hard” while still protecting your heart
📚 Resources & Links
Order the book:
👉 Father Yourself First https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555
Audiobook:
🎧 Listen to Glen read Father Yourself First wherever audiobooks are available.
Tour dates & signings:
📍 Follow @beleafmel https://www.instagram.com/beleafmel
Premarital Advantage:
💍 Worksheets & guidance for dating, engaged, or newlywed couples https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.mykajabi.com/offers/VAbsx8N2
Dating to Marry – “The List” (FREE):
📝 Available on the homepage https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.com
Saturday Men’s Group (Black men, 7 a.m. PT)
Join the Father Meet-Up on Zoom https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81971875325?pwd=cY3k96A8j1b0WMLPHF5ym0bNSNaRdj.1
Patreon Community:
🌿 Bonus convos & behind-the-scenes https://www.patreon.com/HMAY
💬 Join the Conversation
Have you ever felt like someone’s option instead of their choice? What brought you clarity? Drop it in the comments.
❤️ If This Helped You Like, subscribe, and share with a friend navigating faith, dating, and emotional honesty.
We’re talking to a solo mom who wrote in real honest: should she try again with her son’s dad? We unpack trust after hurt, how healing changes what you want, and why “for the baby” is not a dating strategy. We keep it tender, tell the truth, and give some practical next steps. Plus, Chocolate Baby Storytime, cleanse life, and Lily the dog leaving sticky-note reminders like a tiny furry manager.
This one is warm, real, and rooted in wisdom. Pull up a chair.
✨ What You’ll Hear
• Naming hurt without living in it
• Signs of real change vs wishful thinking
• Co-parenting well even if romance is paused
• Why a no-dating season can be a reset for your soul
• What a rebuild plan should include if you try again
• A marriage quote that reframes starting over with the same person
• Community updates, Patreon goals, and how to get plugged in
📚 Resources & Links
Order the book:
👉 Father Yourself First
https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555
Audiobook:
🎧 Listen to Glen read Father Yourself First wherever audiobooks are available.
Tour dates & signings:
📍 Follow @beleafmel for ATL, NYC, LA and more
https://www.instagram.com/beleafmel
Premarital Advantage:
💍 Questions and worksheets for dating, engaged, and newlyweds
https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.mykajabi.com/offers/VAbsx8N2
Saturday Men’s Group (Black men, 7 a.m. PT)
Join the Father Meet-Up on Zoom
https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81971875325?pwd=cY3k96A8j1b0WMLPHF5ym0bNSNaRdj.1
Patreon Community:
🌿 Bonus convos and behind-the-scenes
www.patreon.com/HMAY
https://www.patreon.com/HMAY
💬 Join the Conversation
What boundary or practice helped you heal after a breakup? Drop it in the comments. Somebody needs your wisdom.
❤️ If This Helped You
Like, subscribe, and share with a friend who is navigating co-parenting, faith, and second chances.
She wrote in heartbroken: six months in, different faith practices, sex after planning to wait, and an “I love you” he stopped saying. Then her dad talked to the boyfriend who admitted he didn’t plan to marry her and wanted to “see what else is out there.” We respond with care and clarity: nothing was wasted, learn the lesson, forgive, and choose wisely next time.
We also talk sibling dynamics at home, privileged kids and holiday expectations, Glen’s new book release, and practical ways to discern alignment before you get too far in.
✨ What You’ll Hear
💭 “Nothing was wasted” reframed: hurt, anger, embarrassment, and self-compassion
💬 Saying “I love you” too soon vs living it with actions
🙏🏾 Dating with different faith practices and holiday habits
❤️ Why alignment on core values matters before marriage
🧠 Premarital questions that save time, money, and heartbreak
📖 Father Yourself First book release and tour
👥 Community for Black men who need a safe place to land
📚 Resources & Links
Order the book:
👉 Father Yourself Firsthttps://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555
Audiobook:
🎧 Listen to Glen read Father Yourself First wherever audiobooks are available.
Tour dates & signings:
📍 Check Glen’s Instagram for ATL, NYC, LA + more — @beleafmel
https://www.instagram.com/beleafmel
Premarital Advantage:
💍 Questions and worksheets for dating, engaged, and newlyweds.
https://howmarriedareyoupodcast.mykajabi.com/offers/VAbsx8N2
Saturday Men’s Group (Black men, 7 a.m. PT):
Join the Father Meet-Up on Zoom 👇🏾https://us02web.zoom.us/j/81971875325?pwd=cY3k96A8j1b0WMLPHF5ym0bNSNaRdj.1
Patreon Community:
🌿 Access bonus convos and behind-the-scenes content — www.patreon.com/HMAY
https://www.patreon.com/HMAY
💬 Join the Conversation
What is one lesson you learned from a relationship that didn’t work out? Drop it in the comments below.
❤️ If This Helped You
Like the video, subscribe, and share it with someone who needs wise counsel on dating, faith, and commitment.
📘 ORDER FATHER YOURSELF FIRST TODAY!
A listener writes in about the woman he loves—smart, beautiful, and ready for marriage… except she believes a man should pay for everything while she saves her own money “for security.” She says a woman shouldn’t spend on an able-bodied man. He calls it an escape route. Now he’s wondering: is this financial boundary a red flag or just her way of protecting herself after trauma?
We talk:
💬 “You can’t build a marriage while keeping one foot out the door.” — Glen breaks down why financial distrust is often emotional distrust in disguise.
💰 How “wife allowance” culture and social media talking points are warping partnership into transaction.
❤️ The difference between protecting yourself and refusing to be a team.
🧱 Why unhealed trauma around money can become the foundation of your marriage — and eventually its fault line.
🙏🏾 Yvette shares how witnessing her own mother’s financial vulnerability shaped her drive for independence—and how healthy transparency healed that fear in marriage.
Would you marry someone who refuses to combine money with you? 🤔
Episode 267 of How Married Are You? is live—tap in and share your thoughts!
PRE-ORDER FATHER YOURSELF FIRST TODAY!
What do you do when you catch your husband on the Ring camera talking about another woman… and realize the fairytale you’ve built together might’ve never been real? 💔
This week’s listener letter, “Broken Pieces,” comes from a wife and mother of four who discovered her husband’s long-term emotional affair—one that started years ago and only came to light by accident. Now, even after counseling, her trust is shattered and she’s asking: do I keep fighting for this marriage, or is it time to let go?
We talk:
💬 Why emotional affairs can be just as devastating as physical ones—and why men often underestimate their impact.
💔 Yvette on what it really takes to rebuild trust after betrayal and why healing can’t be rushed to “get back to normal.”
🧠 Glen breaks down why many husbands confuse regret with repentance—and the work required to earn back safety.
⚖️ How couples therapy can stall if both people aren’t equally honest about the damage done.
🙏🏾 The hard truth: forgiveness and reconciliation aren’t the same thing—and you can choose one without the other.
Have you ever stayed after discovering something you could never unhear? Episode 266 of How Married Are You? is live—tap in.
PRE-ORDER FATHER YOURSELF FIRST TODAY!
What do you do when the man you love keeps hitting pause on the future you planned together?
💍 After six years—three long-distance, three living together—a listener’s boyfriend still hasn’t proposed or started premarital counseling. She feels more like a roommate than a partner, while he insists they’ve “gone backwards” and need to fix their foundation before moving toward marriage. Now she’s wondering: is this a season to rebuild… or a sign it’s time to walk away?
We talk:
💬 "When a man says ‘not right now,’ he often means ‘not you.’” – Glen breaks down what “not ready” really signals about a man’s heart and leadership.
⚖️ How living together before commitment can blur standards and stall clarity about the relationship’s direction.
❤️ Why comfort can replace pursuit—and what women lose when they stop being chosen.
🧱 Yvette’s reminder: “You can’t fix the foundation while living in the house.” If it’s shaky now, marriage won’t steady it.
🙏🏾 The difference between hoping he’ll grow and accepting he’s not growing with you.
Have you ever stayed too long waiting for someone to be ready? ⏳ Episode 265 of How Married Are You? is live—tap in, share your story, and tag a friend who needs this convo.
PRE-ORDER FATHER YOURSELF FIRST TODAY!
What if your independence isn’t a strength—but a shield? 💔 A 28-year-old listener has never been in a romantic relationship, and she wonders if years of self-reliance have made her “too independent” to ever need (or want) marriage.
With rejection scars, a deep love of solo life, and questions about purpose, partnership, and faith, she asks: Is marriage more than companionship? Or is it simply not for everyone?
We talk:
✨ Why independence can morph from healthy to isolating if it keeps you from risking intimacy
💡 The difference between “prescribed marriage” and truly desiring a covenant partnership
🙏🏾 How encounters with God reshape our view of self-worth, sex, and relationships
🌱 What it looks like to prepare for marriage without idolizing it—or fearing it
❤️ Why learning to receive love can be harder (and holier) than giving it
Have you ever worried you’re too independent for love? Episode 264 is live—tap in and share your story in the comments!
#HowMarriedAreYou #RelationshipTalk #FaithAndLove
PRE-ORDER FATHER YOURSELF FIRST TODAY: https://www.amazon.com/Father-Yourself-First-Everything-Deserves/dp/1400252555
“Help Me Get My Husband Off the Couch”
For the last five years, one wife has been going to bed alone—while her husband voluntarily sets up camp on the couch 🛋️.
What started as late-night gaming turned into a full-blown routine, even when they lived in a studio apartment just three feet apart.
Now she’s asking: Is this just a bad habit… or a deeper signal about intimacy, stress, and their marriage?
We talk:
💤 Why “comfort” isn’t the real reason many men retreat to the couch
🔥 How sexual frustration and unspoken resentment can quietly drive distance
🛑 Why calling it “just a bad habit” misses the deeper layers of disconnection
👀 The possibility of porn, avoidance, or hidden nighttime routines fueling the cycle
❤️ Why a marriage bed matters—not just for sleep, but for connection, vulnerability, and unity
Ever had a partner avoid the bed? Did it turn out to be comfort… or conflict? Episode 263 is live—tap in and share your story in the comments! #HowMarriedAreYou #MarriageTalk #CouchConfessions
“Am I going to be a lazy mom?”
A 23-year-old listener is glowing with excitement about her first pregnancy 👶🏾—but beneath the joy, fear lingers. Raised tough, she worries she won’t be nurturing enough, won’t have the energy, won’t measure up. Her 25-year-old husband is steady and supportive, but she’s left asking: How do I step into motherhood when doubt whispers louder than confidence?
We talk:
💡 Why parenting starts in the womb—and how small daily choices already shape connection
🛑 The lie of the “lazy mom” and why rest is a requirement, not a weakness
💸 Facing financial fears with faith and resilience instead of scarcity thinking
🍼 How breastfeeding, bonding, and even “missed invitations” become training grounds for grace
🌱 Learning to parent yourself first so you can parent your child with confidence and compassion
Have you ever doubted you’d be “enough” as a parent? How did you find your footing?
Episode 262 is live—join the conversation and share your story! #HowMarriedAreYou #ParentingWithGrace #Episode262
PRE-ORDER FATHER YOURSELF FIRST TODAY!
A listener married young and in love; years later, pregnant with a toddler at home, she’s watching her husband drift from faith, hide the marriage online, and surround himself with bad influences. Birthdays and Mother’s Days go ignored, passwords are gone, and therapy suggests an ultimatum. Is she clinging to hope—or ignoring what she already knows?
We talk:
🕊️ Redemption starts with repentance and confession—and two willing people.
🚩 Public secrecy is a signal: removing your spouse from socials isn’t “privacy,” it presents you as single—trust what that communicates.
🧭 Gaslighting check: move as if you know the truth, and seek clarity wisely (community, receipts, even a P.I. if safe)—but remember, you can’t unsee what you find.
👥 Character over position: look for someone submitted to mentors, community, and growth; that’s more telling than job titles or labels.
🧩 Forgiveness ≠ reconciliation: you can extend grace without staying; with kids, co-parenting may continue, but covenant requires honesty and change.
Have you ever had to choose clarity over comfort in a relationship? What did repentance look like in real life? Episode 261 is live—tap in and share your story.
PRE-ORDER FATHER YOURSELF FIRST TODAY
Is wanting vulnerability the same as being ready to hold it? A newlywed (90-something days in!) loves her husband but admits his past trauma makes openness slow. Then the Holy Spirit hits her with two checks: “Can you handle what he gives you?” and “Steward well what he gives you.” We unpack what “safe space” really costs: capacity, patience, and practice. 💛
We talk:
🧩 Capacity ≠ desire: Wanting all the feelings isn’t the same as being able to carry them—growth over pass/fail.
📦 Steward what you have: Treat disclosures like a fragile package—follow “handling instructions,” even if unspoken.
🤫 Sometimes love is quiet: Hold space, resist fixing, let him finish, respond later with care.
🧑🏾🤝🧑🏾 He needs his people: Spouse ≠ only container—think therapist, mentors, men’s community, real accountability.
🛡️ Protect each other & the mission: Boundaries are holy; honesty and safety can coexist.
How did you build capacity to be a safer place for your partner’s truth? Drop a tip for the wedding party. Episode 260 is live—tap in!
A brother wrote in after a three-year long-distance rollercoaster where tough talks turned into silence and her parents turned hostile. He prayed for an approval and called it a sign while every other sign said no. We laugh, we side-eye, and we keep it loving but honest. 😂🙏🏾
We talk:
🙅🏾♂️ Stop over-spiritualizing dating. God is not a vending machine or a green light on command.
🚫🏠 Racism in your own home is a hard no. You cannot change being Black and you shouldn’t try to survive where you aren’t respected.
🤐 Silence is not depth. Stonewalling and hiding are patterns, not personality quirks.
🎆 Chemistry is fireworks. 🧯 Compatibility is fire safety. Choose the relationship that chooses you back.
🧹 Unfollow, block, and heal. Get a real therapist and find mentors 10 to 15 years ahead in the season you want, where mutual respect is obvious.
Ever turned a red flag into a “sign” and had to course-correct later? Tell us how you knew. Episode 259 is live.
A 27-year-old listener in a three-year poly relationship wants simple guardrails—tell me when you’re out with someone else, if you’re spending the night, and shut it down if they try to edge me out. He resists, agrees begrudgingly, then doesn’t follow through. She’s financially stuck, sharing a cramped place he pays for, and wonders when it’s time to plan her exit. 🛡️💔
We talk:
Have you ever stayed where your needs weren’t respected because leaving felt impossible? What boundary finally moved you toward safety?
Episode 258 is live—tap in and tell us your story.
Is God’s will bigger than girl code? ✝️
When a listener in her church circle and her friend’s ex catch real feelings, the trio dynamic—and a friendship—hangs in the balance. She’s prayed the feelings away, he confessed he wants to pursue her, and everyone’s watching to see whether wisdom or worry wins. 💔
We talk:
Have you ever dated within the friend group? How did you balance loyalty and love? Episode 257 is live—tap in and tell us where you draw the line.
What do you do when the man you want to be feels out of reach? 💍🇯🇲
Recorded in Montego Bay while Glen and Yvette celebrate 15 years 🎉, a listener writes in before his own 10-year anniversary: he’s lost motivation, avoids hard conversations, and feels inconsistent in faith and intimacy after weight gain. Without a positive male role model, he’s under a heavy cloud and asking how to lead his family God’s way. ✝️
Have you ever rebuilt confidence in the middle of a marriage? 💬 What first step actually moved the needle for you?
Episode 256 is live from Jamaica 🇯🇲 during Glen and Yvette’s 15th-anniversary trip 🎉.